The Hero'

Chatterbox: Inkwell

The Hero'

The Hero's Prophecy Series:

Hello everyone, it has been a few years since I have last been on the Chatterbox. Yet, now I return and I would like to introduce to you all something I have been working on for the past year and a half. I am creating a five-book series called The Hero's Prophecy. I have finished book one, and it is 596 pages long. While I have done a basic edit, I still have to fix more of the words than grammar now. Anyways, I am going to share a chapter every few days or so. Please let me know what you all think!


Note: Also, forgive me for any mistakes you might find. I still have to edit the book more. And the book might be confusing at first because of the world it takes place in. But that is because it was originally meant for younger kids. Now it is meant for middle-school level.

 

The Hero's Prophecy Series, Book 1

Chapter 1:

An un-armed, blue-eyed, brown-haired, and slightly tanned-skinned, square human opens the bronze-colored Mineville gate and walks in. Somehow, he remembers this town in his long ago past, but the memory is too blurry to remember clearly. This weary, unprepared person wears a tattered sky blue shirt, dark blue pants, and handcrafted brown leather shoes. And this young traveler’s name is Steve.

Yes, I am talking about me – the not-yet fourteen year old Farmington Minecraft boy. The only reason I am here is because my mother sent me to this town, Mineville, as training. I know how to fight with a bow and a sword, but she wanted me to train with my bare hands, and test my survival skills, so that is exactly what I am going to do here in Mineville. Mineville, from what I have heard, has some of the best fighters around in the Minecraft world, and it is the top choice place to learn survival skills according to most people. Back in Farmington, while I could defend our town from monsters, I never really had a chance to practice starting from scratch until now. My mother never said how long I must stay in Mineville for; she just wanted me to learn and practice, and to see one of the biggest and most popular towns in the Minecraft world.

Before I continue on with my ranting, let me introduce myself. My name is Steve. I don’t have any middle or last name, like most people don’t on Minecraft, but I was sometimes called Farm Boy back in Farmington, which I never took as in insult. Before I came here by foot, I lived with my mother in a comfortable farm house with a big farm and lots of animals in a small town called Farmington, which is in the Overworld on Minecraft. From the legends I have heard, Minecraft has three realms, or dimensions, called the End, the Nether, and the Overworld. Sadly, the only one everyone knows exists is the Overworld since we all live there.

I have no idea who my father is, or was, and I don’t have any relatives that I know of besides my mother. While my mom is nice, I just do not know much about her, not even her past history. She is always so secretive when it comes to family, so I guess that is why I know nothing about the topic. We look nothing alike either, which gives me the idea that I was adopted or found. My mom has long, straight, black hair and bright blue eyes. Her skin is light compared to mine, and my mother’s favorite outfit is a purple Japanese-type dress with yellow and red flowers on it.

Now let me explain what I did back in Farmington. It was my job, not enforced, just by choice, to protect Farmington from vicious, prowling, night monsters. I would go out every night alone, holding back the monsters that came in huge crowds, who were all trying extremely hard to get in. Whenever I ran across our mayor during the day, I would try to explain that Farmington should get a wall or at least a fence to protect it from most of the monsters. But he would always tell me that was unnecessary as long as I fought the horrible, deadly creatures, so that is exactly what I did every night. My mother would always give me the best when I returned, saying that it might have been my last night, which, even though I would hate to admit it, was completely true. There was always a chance that the monsters would overtake me on some random night and I might never come home. That is because if you are killed by Overworld monsters, there is no coming back.

Almost everyone says I don’t fit into Farmington like they do because I am a natural fighter and survivor, not a farmer like my mother. Plus, as I already mentioned, I look nothing like her. Life has been getting harder and harder for me recently to make things worse. I do not mind coming here to survive – I actually wanted to – but I have been having strange dreams that haunt me during the night for the past year or so. I don’t remember much about them when I wake up, but I always know it is the same dream, the same face. It’s like a message from the past that is missing nearly all the words. I only see glimpses of her face, kind, nice, beautiful, but full of sadness like she knows that something terrible will happen in the nearby future. But when I wake up, I can never remember any details or colors.

The strangest thing is, I always end up waking up, screaming “Don’t leave me!” or “No!” so loud that my mother always ends up running into my room which I have to admit, is sort of embarrassing, but I never notice that fact until later in the day. No one besides my mom and I know I have these dreams, but I have a feeling people know something is strange about me – but what? Am I just some random kid with different skills and strange dreams than the people I am surrounded by? Or was surrounded by? Chances are, I have some strange past that gives me nightmarish dreams that are so sad and painful I wake up screaming involuntarily.

(This is the end of Chapter 1. I still have to edit the book, but this is it for now. After this is posted, I will share Chapter 2. Also, it gets really good towards the middle of the book, but I might not share it because it can be too scary for younger kids.)

submitted by Ashlee G., age 14, Harrington, WA
(June 13, 2015 - 1:41 am)

Overall, I like it a lot! It has an interesting idea and I like the setting. Here are some errors/things I think you could make better:

1. During the first paragraph, you use 'remember' twice in the same sentence. Maybe instead of  'Somehow, he remembers this town in his long ago past, but the memory is too blurry to remember clearly' you could say 'Somehow, he remembers this town in his long past, but the memory is too blurry to be crystal clear' or something like that.

2. So is he a person who likes Minecraft, or IN Minecraft? If he's in Minecraft, how does he know he's in Minecraft?

3. I noticed you switched from first-person to third person around the whole fighting part. 

4. I think you could make this sentence more interesting: 'Sadly, the only one everyone knows exists is the Overworld since we all live there.' You could say something like, 'However, the only world proved not to be a myth is the Overworld,' which sounds more dramatic and less boring.

5. You're comparing Steve and his mother's appearances -- so why do you tell about your favorite dress? It is an interesting detail, but if you did want to keep it, you might want to add something like, 'while my own favorite outfit was' and then Steve's favorite outfit.

6. Saying 'That is because if you are killed by Overworld monsters, there is no coming back.' makes it seem as if you were killed by Ender monsters, you WOULD be able to come back. Is that intentional?

7.'Life has been getting harder and harder for me recently to make things worse.' I think you mean better.

8. 'Chances are, I have some strange past that gives me nightmarish dreams that are so sad and painful I wake up screaming involuntarily.' That's already implied, and the sentence is a bit hard to follow. Maybe you could just say, 'It's probably a strange past of mine coming back to haunt me', or something along those lines?

(I don't think the Admins will mind. The Admins have posted some scary-for-little-kids stuff. If I were you I would just try and let them edit it out if they thought it was inappropriate.)

submitted by Indigo
(June 13, 2015 - 7:52 am)
submitted by top!
(June 13, 2015 - 7:53 am)

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submitted by You have to read thi, age Na, N\a
(July 16, 2016 - 7:47 pm)