I like it.

Thanks! I think I'll post the beginning of it, probably just a chapter, every couple days.

CHAPTER ONE

Ema

I looked outside, and felt the mountains calling me, as if they were saying, Ema, we have a secret that we want to show you. Come here, and we’ll whisper it to you. I finished polishing the pottery, and then I dropped my rag and ran outside.Those green hills just kept getting closer and closer as my bare, dirty feet stomped the ground. I passed the pond where the pink lilies grew, and where the antelope grazed on its shore. Soon I could make out the heather plants by my favorite resting spot, below my willow tree. That tree was naturally smart, and not many trees were as wise as my tree.I stopped by that real smart tree, which I called Chime, and bent down pretty low. I knew I had to honor her, or else I knew that she wouldn’t give me any answers. I had to ask her in my mind, How are you? Even though she could understand my language, I didn’t want to take the chances of saying it out loud and disturbing her.Chime creaked her branches a little bit, and the wind groaned in her leaves. Usually that meant that she was sore (because she was pretty old), and upset that I woke her up.I think the mountain wants to speak to me, I pushed, thinking my intro wasn’t clear enough.As the wind whistled through her leaves again, I heard a soft answer, almost too soft to hear. Cave, she whispered.I took that to go to the caves, the only sacred spot on the whole mountain. I looked at Chime again, and bowed. Thanks.When I was young, my mother took me in her arms and spun a tale for me. She had said, Oh, young Ema. My grandmother told me this tale when I was your age, and her grandmother told her the same. People can speak. But only some people can really speak. You cannot train it into yourself, just to let it come in time. Certain people can speak to nature. My mother could control the clouds above us, and when I was bored, she would transform a cloud into a dragon, or a butterfly. You can’t tell if someone has a power, all you have to do is watch her for a long time.I had protested. I did not understand. In a few years, I started hearing the trees in the orchard calling me. I began to realize what my mother had meant, even though I would never see her again. Some guards took her because she refused to clean pottery. We lived in slavery, and I still do.I slowly padded over to the Dripping Caves. Inside, a single rock made a rainbow. As I neared the rainbow, I heard the mountain speaking to me, just as Chime had. It was saying, Soldiers are coming. Run. I prodded the mountain for more information. When are they coming?It didn’t say anything for a moment. Then the whole of the mountain replied, Run and warn. Soon.That was enough for me. I took a sliver of rock, and made a cut in my hand. Soon, it started bleeding, although it was very small. I held my hand over the rainbow, and let it drip. It would hopefully give my mountain strength to survive the attack. I ran out of the cave and thought, Who can I warn? The answer soon became clear. Lorelei. I couldn’t risk talking to Astel, her parents were friends with some soldiers, and they might overhear. It was a long way to Lorelei’s house, almost too long to risk. But I had to do it. If Astel’s parents were friendly with soldiers, they’d probably keep her safe.Lorelei’s cottage was on the other side of the mountain. We were all slaves, so I would just be regarded as a bother that her owners shouldn’t mess with.I passed a doe and her fawn, drinking water from one of our many ponds. When they looked up at me, it seemed like they were saying, What the hurry? I wanted to tell them that soldiers were coming from a different town to take control of our city. But I wasn’t born with the power to talk to animals. I could only communicate with trees and the mountain, but I didn’t really know how to make them talk back to me. Sure, I was lucky today, but that was because they actually had something to say. Otherwise, I’m out of luck.Soon I saw a house with a yellow roof and green walls. Definitely Lorelei’s. Her owners were known for their strange taste in colors. I knocked on the door, and there was Lorelei, standing with a broom in her hand, an apron around her waist, and a sour face that lit up when she saw me.“Oh, hi, Ema, you doing fine? You usually don’t come this far just to say hello.”My worried face must’ve made her worried, too, so she called to her owner, “Mr. Jaken, may I please talk to one of these pesky messengers?”“Your chores done?” He grunted.“Yessir,” she saluted, making me crack a grin.“I s’pose so, Lorelei, but be back here once you’ve taken care of her.” She set down her broom, and we walked over to her fort we made when we were children. “What is it?” she asked me. “Is something wrong?”Lorelei had always reminded me of a fawn, playful, but always caring for others. I remember when we were little, she always wanted to play “Forest Animals.” I was usually a wild pony, and she was a fawn. Every single time. She played the part perfectly. I motioned for her to sit down on one of the roots bumping out of the ground. I sat down on the other, and repeated to her what the mountains and Chimes told me.Her eyes got wide, as they always did when I was telling her about the trees or mountains talking to me. I could tell she had a power inside of herself, but it still had to be unearthed. I didn’t tell her that, though. I didn’t want to get her hopes up just in case I was wrong.“Soldiers are coming to attack us!” Lorelei exclaimed after I finished. “But what about the animals? Neither of us has an animal-speaking gift, so how will we be able to warn them?”It was just like Lorelei- concerned only about the animals, not about herself. I wondered if part of her might be able to speak to animals. “I’ll make sure Chime tells all of them, and she can also pass it on to the other trees,” I promised her.Lorelei sighed with relief. ”Oh, thank you, Ema. You are the greatest.”Before I could answer, I heard a shriek, and then a gunshot. The soldiers were here.“Lorelei, we have to run,” I told her. “The mountains didn’t warn me about the soldiers for nothing. They probably are searching for different people- including me, and possibly you! I bet you that they have records of all of us in their city.”She stared at me, awed that I knew so much. “But what about Mr. Jaken? He’ll kill me if he knew I escaped.”“You will be killed even if you stay here,” I said. I glanced at the top of the mountain. I could see little wiry soldiers gathering there with their arms. “Look, see them? We have to escape through the forest. Or else they’ll capture us and take us into jail, or worse, hang us!”“The Forbidden Forest,” Lorelei mused. “I’ve always wanted to see what is inside that mystical place.”I looked at the tips of the mountains again. More soldiers were there, and the first group was making its way down to the village. “Lorelei, we have to leave right now! I told you that I have a hunch that those soldiers aren’t just coming here because they want to make sure their swords and daggers don’t get lonesome, locked up in a cabinet.”Lorelei sighed. “I just wish I didn’t have to leave. This valley is so peaceful, but now they are coming to ruin it. It stinks, Ema.”I was getting a little impatient with my friend now. “Yeah, well life’ll stink sometimes, but there’s nothing we can do about it. The only way to save our valley is to run away and hopefully restore peace later.” I grabbed her callused hands and started running west.“But what about food?” she cried. “We’ll starve to death. Any path we choose, we’ll perish!”I stared at Lorelei in disgust. “I can ask the trees to help us along the way. They’ll make sure we don’t get hurt. As far as I know, none of the trees are on the Dark Side.”“The Dark Side?” She asked, confused. Her ice blue eyes contained a hint of gold. It was Lorelei’s way of making people listen. “I’ll tell you later,” I said, bothered by some brambles that got in my way.There was more gold now. She seemed to be a little too curious for her own good. I sighed, knowing that her eyes would soon have the whole metallic rainbow contained in them. “Okay, Lorelei. The Dark Side is a band- no, a huge group of black magic warriors, along the coastline. They have many spies, and some animals are one of the tops.“I happen to know that the mole is one of the spies, because it can’t be seen underground, and it can travel fast once persuaded.”“But what is the Dark Side exactly?” She pushed me. “And what is so special about black magic?”I sighed again. Lorelei was okay and all and she was a great friend, but sometimes she was completely clueless. My thoughts whirled back to when I was seven years old. “Remember Miss. Penthouse?” I asked her. “Our elementary teacher?”She snorted. “Well, of course I know who Miss Penthouse is, Ema.”“Well then, remember that day when we were identifying the three types of magic? She taught us that white magic was the magic used only for good and blue magic was for healing. Black magic was the bad magic, usually acquired through force. Only the Dark Side and its followers use black magic.”She narrowed her eyes. “There was four types of magic, not three.”I gulped. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so obvious today about my speaking gift.“The green magic is the power to speak to or control anything in the elements’ range,” she recited. “Speaking to animals, plants or fire, wind, water and air is a gift that is given at birth from the green magic spirits. The elements can be controlled up to a certain point, up to when it’s black magic. Then the power is taken away and cleansed, then given to another babe. The power may with to show itself at any time.” She glared at me. “ You have green magic. I have no magic. And I don’t want to learn white magic, because that’s only used by old wizards.”I tried to think of a way to calm her down. I said carefully, holding both her hands in mine, “Ever since we have been friends, I have thought that you have some type of green magic.” Before she could interrupt, I added, “I can see such things. Maybe it will reveal itself on our journey. Maybe your green magic is from a shy spirit, who needs just the right opportunity to shine.”She nodded, and I knew she was thinking that I was an idiot and that it was true at the same time. “To Forbidden Forest,” she whispered.“To Forbidden Forest,” I repeated.“For peace in our town, we will be Feenicians at our best,” we said in unison.

It was very good writing. It really hooked me. The characters were believable and the description was excellent without being overdone.

Just one thing: Paragraph breaks. I'm not sure if you posted it with paragraph breaks, because it looked like you did and they got messed up, but if I'm mistaken, you should definitely break it down into paragraphs every time someone new speaks or you change subjects. It makes it a much easier, enjoyable read and it flows a lot better.

Oh, and another thing- if you are considering ever publishing it, stop posting now. Because publishers buy exclusive rights, they can't do that if it can be downloaded for free on the Internet. So even though I'd love to keep reading it, if you post more than two or three chapters on the Internet (assuming your story is novel-length, with, say, at least fifteen or so chapters), you won't be able to get it published, should you ever so desire. If it's just practice or pleasure, though, by all means continue, because it's gripping.

Once again, great job and keep writing!