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Try this poem
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Try this poem
Try this poem thing! I wrote apoem sitting in a writing class - homeschoolers have co-ops, in which parents teach classes for a bunch of kids over the school year - anyway, I was just sitting there listening to the teacher talk about a comparative literary analasis essay we're going to write about Frankenstein, and this line pops into my head: "Lost in time from far away." I spun off an interesting poem from that - kind of random, but I'm going to write a story about it, sort of Star Trekky. I want to see what kinds of poem y'all can write with the line "Lost in time from far away" as the first line. This can be really fun - have a set first line and just go. Don't edit too much - I've barely done anything to mine, which I'll post mine in a little bit, only first I want to see what other perspectives people take on it before I bias you with mine. Please give it a try, and have fun!
-Emily
submitted by Emily H., age 13, Sparks, NV
(April 16, 2009 - 11:17 pm)
(April 16, 2009 - 11:17 pm)
This is my dads poem, and Admins, my dad did say I could put it on here.
Sorry. Now that we see the poem, it's not for Cricket. Thank you dad anyway.
--Admin
(May 14, 2009 - 6:00 pm)
Yeah, Jenni, that's the one I mean, although I had a hard time picking between that and your favorite. And Lena, I love the perspective you took on that. Awesome!
-Emily
(April 19, 2009 - 4:07 pm)
Wow. Thanks! :)
(April 19, 2009 - 5:49 pm)
Lost in time from far away
Snow is gone
color's back
Winter's past
No longer here
Lost in time from far away
Magic nights
with silver moons
snow that falls
soft as bells
from faeryland
it seems so long ago
What lurks in that dark pine?
A griffin maybe
ready to fly
Who cast that shadow?
flitting spirits of the night
ready to play
Old man winter's said goodnight
Spring has said good morning
When Mother Summer says Good day,
Then after says farewell,
That's when Fall will come around,
And the day might start again.
(April 19, 2009 - 4:08 pm)
I've just started my story based off my poem, and I realized that in my third line I rhymed "far away" with "far away." Not good, that. And JFB, I like the stand you took on that line. Fascinating - I never would have thought of pairing the time concept with seasons. Well, maybe never is a bit strong, but it's not likely.
-Emily
(April 19, 2009 - 10:22 pm)
Lost in a time from far away
where the sea always rolls
tosses.
Lost in a time from far away
where the chickadees do not chirp
and the air is silent,
silent.
Where the cornfields throw their stalks,
waving back
then hiding.
Lost in a time from far away
stuck in the symmetry and the endless summers.
Where perfection is lost and gain,
where the chickadees do not sing.
((I'll see how that looks tomorrow. Lame, probably.))
(April 20, 2009 - 6:22 pm)
It looks pretty good today.
(April 21, 2009 - 6:10 pm)
Lost in time from far away
Roaming an endless land
Lost is light and dark is day
When you don't know where you stand
Lost in a world all by yourself
With no one to call your friend
Never in sight of anyone else
This might as well be the end
Lost in a dimension of unmeasurable space
Where the valleys never stop
Where the rivers flow an opposite path
And end on the mountain tops
Lost in time from far away
I suppose this land is my home
For it is here that i was meant to stay
And it is here that I'll eternally roam
(April 21, 2009 - 5:30 pm)
*APPLAUSE* Second best poem on here! (No offense; that's a really good ting.) :D That was great, Megan!
(April 24, 2009 - 3:14 pm)
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it!:)
(April 24, 2009 - 5:35 pm)
It IS an awesome poem. And again, I'm sorry about the other thread. :)
(April 25, 2009 - 7:39 am)
My teacher gave me this poem format:
Pick five words like cat, dogs, bird, couch and sky.
Cat is a, dog is b, bird is c, etc...
Then, you make a sentence ending with word "a," like: my favorite animal is a CAT.
Then b: i don't like DOGS.
So your whole format is:
abcde
bcdea
cdeab
deabc
eabcd
It's hard because you have to stick with the same words throughout the whole poem! I tried it.
Tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and you have to use different sentences each time, and also make sense.
Good luck!!!
(April 25, 2009 - 9:32 pm)
Fascinating, Lauren. I'll try that.
-Emily
(April 26, 2009 - 5:08 pm)
Here's my initial try - I also added the twist of having a number of syllables for each letter. I had 11 syllables for "glass" (once I only had 10), 8 for "wind," 4 for "trees" and "fly" or any of its forms, and 7 for "grass" (once I only had 6.). Here I go....
A little girl sits at her window of glass
And watches the lash of the wind;
Passing the trees,
Quickly it flies
Bending the blades of the grass.
Passing came the song of wind
Dodging through the tree
Swiftly it flew
Through evening, over grass,
And slipped by the girl at her window of glass.
A tall oak tree
Bird poised to fly
Dives down and lands on the grass
Gazed up at the girl at her window of glass
While tasting the current of wind.
A tiny fly
Hidden in grass
Launches himself toward the girl behind glass
But is swept away by the wind
Flung toward the tree.
Softly waves the stirring grass
Brightly shines the girl by the window glass
Stirring it comes the chilling wind
While 'round the tree
Wind-songs can fly.
There - what with the restrictions given and my self-imposed one (I just can't take a challenge without adding to it) I think that's all right, also given the short time I took. Did I do it right, Lauren?
-Emily
(April 26, 2009 - 5:41 pm)
YES!!!!! WOW!!!!! That's better than I did on my first try. I still am no good at it. But you want to be careful about the word TREE. Sometimes you said TREE, and sometines you said TREES. But good job!!!!!!
(April 29, 2009 - 8:00 pm)