Chatterbox: Inkwell

Please Read!!!!!

Hello! I was hoping some of you might be interested in reading a short story I wrote? I got the idea from Gail Carson Levine's writing blog. I don't know if any of you have read her books and blog, but if not I would highly suggest it! 

Anyway, these prompts were on her blog, and I decided to write a story using all the prompts. You can go to her blog and check out her last post and the prompts. 

Here is what I wrote. I would really appreaciate any tips and helpful thoughts on my writing style and anything else!!!! 

Shirley sat on the train, heart pounding. She thought about the object in her hand. It was lightweight, and round, fitting well in her palm well. She wondered if she should open it. She turned away, looking out the window. It was too much work. too tiring. She didn’t want to do anything. Ever. She only wanted the train to start moving. Only wanted to get it all over with.

Why couldn’t she have been eighteen when Mother died, not sixteen? Lanie was eighteen, and free to go. She didn’t need to go back to Dad. Didn’t need to see him again after he left his family, his dying wife, and two daughters. He said he needed to get away from memories. Needed to get away from the place where he had learned his only son had died. What about her? What about Lanie and Mother? Why was Theseus so special?

“I always wanted a son.” He used to say. Every time Theseus did anything good, he was always the precious one. Never her or Lanie.

Then he went and joined the Navy. Just like Dad wanted him to.

Theseus was always perfect.

Shirley looked back at the object in her hand, through angry tears, finally deciding to open it. Carefully she untied the string, and pulled of the newspaper. She caught her breath seeing what was in her hand.

The train started to roll down the tracks.

She hadn’t noticed they weren’t moving already, through her angered tiers and the grimy windows.

In her hand, lay her Mother’s lucky charm. She’d always called it that. Shirley couldn’t remember it being off her mother’s neck. It was a choker, of woven hemp. The charm is a silver bird, and tied to the bird’s left wing is a small four leaf clover.

“I found the clover the same day I met your father.” She would say, “It was a chilly Halloween night, we were at a party. I was a sister’s friend’s sister who had tagged along. He was a best friend, who was always getting into trouble.” At this point in the story she would smile sadly, eyes drifting to some object in the room as if she was still there, that night.

The pain hit Shirley. Hard. Harder then it had since she had died. The memories of that night came back, all at once.

She had lain on her bed, eyes distant, the way they had been when she told her stories. Lanie and Shirley sat on each side of the bed. Both held one of their mother’s hands. Lanie had just finished telling a story, one of the old fairy tales that they all loved so much, about the ugly prince and the beautiful maid.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Their mother rasped, through cracked lips.

Shirley tightened her grip on her Mother’s hand.

“We know Mother.” Lanie said in a tight voice.

Mother smiled, faintly. “Good. Now let me sleep.”

Lanie stood, kissing Mother’s cheek gently she walked to the door and waited for Shirley.

Shirley stood also, and hugged Mother tight. “I love you Mama.” She whispered into her ear.

“I love you girls too.” Mother said nodding weakly.

Shirley and Lanie left, closing the door behind them softly.

Tears rolled down Shirley’s cheeks and she tried to see out the grimy window. The next morning had been agonizing. People had come in and out all day. Speaking softly to the two girls. Arrangements had been made so that Shirley could get shipped off to her Father’s home, which she had never seen. Lanie would sell the house, and much of the old furniture, she would hold her share of the money and their father would hold Shirley’s until she came of age, as Mother had made out her will.

Shirley couldn’t think about any of it. It was too painful. Every memory ripped at her heart, tearing a piece of it out and taking it away.

Lanie had told her it would happen soon. But it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. None of it. Theseus was supposed to come home, Dad would still be living with them…and Mother would be alive.

Shirley laid her head back, letting her mind wonder in her daydream. Theseus wasn’t always all bad. He might be nice once in awhile. Dad would still take her up to bed when he was in a good mood, and make sure there were no monsters in the closet. And Mother would still tell her stories.

The train lurched to a halt, Shirley’s heart stopped. Where they there already? She didn’t want the train to stop. Didn’t want her dream to end, forever. Didn’t want to see her father again.

But there wasn’t anything she could do.

A faint smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. No. There was one thing. Nothing big, but something. She looked at the choker still in her hand, and pulled it around her neck and fastened it. It fit snugly against her skin. She stood as the conductor called for the passengers to gather their belongings. She pulled her suitcase off the rack above her head, and holding her head high, walked to meet her Father at the station.

Two years. Then she’d be free.

Thank you!!! 

~Silver