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Fictional Problems
Fictional Problems
...This is back! I haven't seen one of these for a really long time but I was looking through some Cricket mags and I found in the Letterbox a couple posts from a Fictional Problems thread. So I'd like to start a new one!
Guidelines: basically, you make up a fictional problem. You're stuck somewhere, or you've been kidnapped by alien bunnies, or you need to get somewhere but there's a field of daggers in front of you. You have 3 things with you--really, anything at all--and everyone else has to come up with solutions for you that involve those three objects. I'll start...
Help! I'm trapped in my house because there are giant car-sized rats laying seige to the block! I only have a flashlight, a can of tomatoes, and a hot pink Sharpie. What do I do?
...To be fair, I wasn't actually that creative with mine. Oh well. I'm in a hurry.
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(February 21, 2018 - 11:08 am)
(February 21, 2018 - 11:08 am)
Allie:
1. Look to your right.
2. See a glowstick.
3. Pile up the Lego bricks until you're about 20 or 10 feet up.
4. Stick the one of the glow sticks onto the Legos.
5. Turn the glowy stick on, and flash S.O.S at the sky for as long as possible.
6. If it's morning and the glowy stick has failed, then use the rest of the Legos to spell out S.O.S in giant capital letters on the ground.
9. Then stick the rest of the glow sticks onto the S.O.S so that airplanes can read it in the night.
10. Read the HP book while you wait.
(Optional)
11. If you want more useful and impossible solutions, just endorse my company (UISFY: USEFUL-IMPOSSIBLE-SOLUTIONS-FOR-YOU) to your friends! And your enemies! Pretty much whoever you happen to see on the street needs to know! Also, for my services, that'll be twenty bucks please.
(March 1, 2018 - 3:34 pm)
Help! I'm trapped in the Svalbard Global Seed Vault (look it up) and it's about to blow up! To make matters worse, when it blows up there is a 70 percent chance I'll get propelled to mars! All I have is a floppy sunhat, a flannel-lined scuba diving suit (complete with oxygen tank) and a large collection of seeds (of course).
What do I do???
(March 2, 2018 - 1:49 pm)
Alizarine, I'm assuming there's a bomb. You have three options for this. Option one: Status: Fantastical
1. Put on scuba diving suit, hope that the tank has a lot of air in it.
2. Turn off the air tank for now and just breath normally.
3. Station yourself farthest away from the bomb (Let's hope that scuba suit has anti-radiation layers of titanium in there)
4. Aim the floppy hat to use it to harness the blast.
5. Turn on the air tank 0.2 seconds before the seed place blows up.
6. As you are now on Mars as it has blasted you to aforementioned, MARS, breath normally with the air tank.
7. Jump a few times on Mars, and propell youself back to earth.
Optional: Plant the seeds on mars and write in the dust: "Alizarine waz here yah I planted thos seeds"
Option two: Status: Kind of plausible
1. Locate the bomb.
2. Turn off the bomb.
3. Give me twenty bucks for saving your life.
Option three: Staus: Realistic
1. Phone 911 and hope they'll come in time to stop the catastrophe.
2. Meanwhile, plant the seeds while humming to yourself.
(March 3, 2018 - 2:34 pm)
1) Put on the scuba suit
2) Put on the sunhat
3) Assuming there's a bomb, dump all the seeds on top of it in the hopes that it'll deactivate or at least dampen it
4) If that doesn't work, grab bags of seeds and use them to pick up the bomb. Stuff it into the sunhat (well, take the hat off first) and then use the sunhat as a slingshot.
5) Sling the bomb in the direction of the window (if there is one) as hard as you can, hope it breaks the glass, and then hide under masses of seeds. Hopefully the bomb will detonate and you won't die or get blown to Mars. Hope that the seeds will protect you from shrapnel.
6) Run away and try to find a penguin or something. If there is anything alive over there. If you find a sentient being, feed it seeds and persuade it to give you a ride to civilization.
(March 4, 2018 - 1:26 pm)
Guys! Argh! I seem to have a real knack for getting myself into bad inplausible situations! Well, at the least this exercise will help me figure out real-world solutions. (I think) (Unless I die in this predicament) (|___|) (Really hope I don't die here)
I'm trapped inside a fortune cookie creation plant! The workers don't know I'm trapped here on this conveyer belt (Seriously when will people create GOOD RAILINGS for touring-routes) slowly turning into a surprisingly huge crusher for.... I actually don't know why they have a giant conveyer belt right where no one can see it with a giant crushing maching here..... I guess the paper in the cookies need to be flattened or something..? I dunnow. All I have are a pair of giant stretchy tights, a small sample fortune cookie, and a big hammer. Yes, I bring weaponry into tourist routes. Shhh, no one can ever know. Except for those unlucky security guards guarding the 'DO NOT ENTER' door. They should know whats coming for 'em.
(March 7, 2018 - 8:35 pm)
Can I post a situation without posting any solutions?
If so, here ya go:
Help me, please! I'm pinned against the wall in the basement of some creepy house by a werewolf! Light will hurt the werewolf, but it's night and the electricity is out. My arms are being held down. I have a nickel in my mouth, a chunk of pure sodium in my pocket, and an overlarge top hat on my head. I'm wearing a T-shirt and jeans and a space blanket as a cape. The upper floors of the house are all normal, except for the fact that the electricity is all out. Save me!
(March 7, 2018 - 9:13 pm)
Step 1: Kick the werewolf really hard in the stomach.
Step 2: Run into the utilities room (you're in a basement) and lock the door.
Step 3: Look at the fuse box to see if you can somehow turn the lights on.
If you can't:
Step 4: Put the nickel and the sodium into the top hat to see if they cause a reaction that causes light and/or poisonous vapors.
If they do:
Step 5: Open the door and shove the hat in the werewolf's face. Now he's dead.
If they don't: (I know close to nothing about chemistry)
Step 5: Try to bribe the werewolf with a nickel. If that doesn't work, try to bribe it with the sodium. Some animals LOVE salt.
If that doesn't work either:
Step 6: Kick open the door and, using your cape as a whip, keep the werewolf back as you slowly walk back up the stairs.
Step 7: Lock the basement door.
You now have a werewolf trapped in the basement.
Step 8: Throw the nickel and the sodium in the trash (and maybe your hat too, since you probably ruined it.)
Step 9: Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!/Wait until morning and then let him out. The light will kill him.
Step 8: Wish you took a picture.
In addition, Fred says 'tide'! Fourth real word. Don't eat tide pods.
(March 8, 2018 - 6:45 am)
@coyotedomino,
Why else would you be wearing a top hat and a cape than if you were a superhero. Use the nickel and/or sodium to activate your superpowers and either a) shine a really bright light at him, or b) super booty-kick him and then fly away.
@Chinchilla,
OPTION ONE [status: fantastic]:
Open your fortune cookie. It says "In 3 seconds, you will gain the abilty to fly." Wait 3 seconds. Fly away.
OPTION TWO: [status: maybe???]:
Throw the hammer at the conveyor belt to jam it.
Steal a lifetime supply of fortune cookies.
Tie up the guard who come running with the tights.
Run away and slowly begin to open your cookies.
Here's mine:
Help! I'm in a spaceship with a broken engine that will give out in 15 minutes. I'm orbiting a star, and the second my spaceship runs out of power, I'll be sucked into it! I only have a music box, a surfboard, and a fancy calligraphy pen. You can invent stuff that's in my spaceship, but it has to be really creative.
(March 8, 2018 - 12:18 pm)
Oh, this one's easy.
Step 1: Wrap the tights around the motor to cause the smashing machine to shut down.
Step 2: Use the hammer to do whatever job the machine was supposed to do to make sure you get on the employees' good side.
Step 3: If nothing is coming down the conveyer for you to smash, hop off and go looking for someone.
Step 4: Leave.
Step 5: Open your fortune cookie.
Your fortune says, 'Don't look behind you.'
Step 6: Run away as fast as possible from this creepy factory.
Step 7: Leave them a bad review on Yelp.
(March 8, 2018 - 6:55 am)
Thanks Alizarine!
coyotedomino, here is what you must do:
1. Kick the werewolf in the crotch. (Really, if most movie princesses knew this move, then there would be a lot less villians around without a crotch-guard.) Also, it's a good move for when they're holding you from behind. uuuuUUUUUP goes the back of your heel, DOOooown goes the villian, wheezing slightly.
2. Take off your cape and whack the werewolf into submission.
3. Whack him into the basement.
4. Use the nickel to reflect the light of the moon into the werewolf's eye.
5. If that transforms the werewolf back into a human, give the guy your big top-hat to shade him from the moon's light.
6. Make a curing-potion for him with the bicarbonate soda.
7. Rent out a giant wrecking ball and wreck the house. Because why not make collateral damage. Superheroes do it aaaaaall the time.
(March 9, 2018 - 1:32 pm)