So, being the

Chatterbox: Inkwell

So, being the

So, being the easily sidetracked writer that I am, I have dumped both BD and my vampire story to write a story about Thursday Silvertongue, Melder and rebel against the Maq'can race, and Faro, captain of the Queen's guard. Here goes.

For those of you who aren't familiar with my style, be warned; most of my characters have a tendency to spiral into madness and general weirdness often ensues. Given that this particular story is centered around someone with a power renowned for its corruptability, you can bet that the descent will happen soon. Like, by chapter 1.

I have a working cover, which I may post if Mom's scanner starts working in the near future. I'd attempt to reproduce it via Flash or something but Faro's curly hair would be an absolute nightmare to draw digitally. 

And without further ado, I present you with my latest story... thing...

The working title of which is "Guns, Magic, Dragons"

*******

Prologue

 

Faro sat in the back of the pub, nursing a pint of weak ale. He tapped his armoured knuckles against the rough table, and tried to ignore the paranoid glances his official garb drew from the Reds, with little success.

The pub door opened and a small, cloaked figure entered. The figure limped awkwardly to the counter and almost immediately a drink was set out before it. Faro was impressed; not even the uniform of the royal guard had been enough to inspire such hasty service.

After a moment the figure flipped back the hood of its cloak, revealing long black hair and large dark eyes set in a pale, feminine face. She had a straight nose, thin lips, small ears.

Faro stiffened, slightly. His hand dropped to the pistol in the holster at his side.

The woman turned, as if sensing his gaze. Her eyes connected with Faro's, and a shudder slithered down his spine.

Her eyes were flat, completely non-reflective, but they seemed to burn with an inner light. The sort of eyes that could look right through a person, without revealing anything of their owner.

After a moment she smirked, picked up her glass, and limped over to Faro's table. She flopped down across from him. The metal fastenings of the braces encasing each leg flashed in the dim light.

"Have you come to arrest me, captain?" she asked.

"That's what they tell me, Melder. You're to be tried for multiple counts of murder, arson, heresy, and theft."

"You don't sound so very sure about that, dearie," she sighed, draining her glass. "Are you sure?"

Faro hesitated. "Yes."

The Melder shook her head. "Let's not play this game, Faro."

"You like games, as I recall."

"This one tires me. Tell me why you're here, Faro. I think we both know you're not going to arrest me."

"Well no," he said. "We've too much common history for that."

They sat in silence for a moment, sipping their respective drinks.

"Come with me," she said suddenly. Faro almost flinched, remembering the last time, when he'd turned down the offer. "Come with me, Faro. Help me change the world."

Faro stared at her. She was a criminal, a killer, a lunatic. He'd have to be mad to side with her.

"Well?" she drummed her fingers against the table.

He didn't, or couldn't, answer, so he ordered another drink instead.

She smiled.

~

Well, he reasoned as they left, side by side, several drinks later, it had been a long while since he claimed to be sane anyway.

Neither of them spoke. The only sound Faro could hear was the faint scrape of the crippled Melder's gait and the sharp click-clack of his own boots. It sounded strangely unnerving, if he was being completely honest with himself.

In the end it was the Melder who broke the silence:

"Why are you here?" she asked. She sighed, stopped, turned to look up at him.

"Because you're Silvertongue. You can convince anyone of anything," he answered without thinking.

"Nonsense," the Melder snorted in reply. "I can only convince people of what they already know. You are here because you want to be."

"No..." Faro protested.

The Melder studied him intently. He squirmed under the gaze. "Why are you so unhappy?" she whispered, leaning closer.

"I'm not... I wasn't..." Hang it all, she was so dratted confusing.

"You were, Faro," she said simply. "You still are. Don't lie to me. We've too much common history for that, too."

The former captain stared at her.

"You've changed," he said at last.

She smiled ruefully. "So have you, dearie. Just like you promised you wouldn't." There was no accusation in her voice, no anger, just the long, sad silence of too many years gone by.

The two of them stood staring at each other, the Melder and the man who had dedicated his life to destroying her.

"It's late," she said softly, at last. "We should go." She turned and limped away, not bothering to look behind to see if he was following.

Faro sighed, muttered that he must be crazy, and followed after her.

submitted by TNÖ, age 16, Deep Space
(July 13, 2009 - 7:11 pm)

Sounds good. Thursday Silvertongue has the same last name as Lyra in the His Dark Materials series.

submitted by JFB, age 13, Here and There
(July 14, 2009 - 8:12 am)

Is it? ...Oh. Yes. I suppose it is... *shrug* Oh well.

submitted by TNÖ, age 16, Deep Space
(July 14, 2009 - 1:29 pm)

Chapter 1, part the first.

(slightly edited to do away with certain iffy snippets and language, so the Admin doesn't have to do it. :D)

Faro awoke in a strange bed with a splitting headache. He remembered, vaguely, the previous night; the Melder, turning traitor, following her to a small, rundown lair of some sort, being pushed gently into a room, crashing into the bed.

He groaned flung an arm over his face to block the light.

"Too much common history..."

The phrase drifted through his mind. Gods. He had thought that he was past all that.

Well. So much for that idea. Faro closed his eyes again.

/I am seventeen. Mother has brought back some youngling commoner. Thursday, mother calls her.

I don't like this Thursday. She is smallish and wrinkly, and her skin is blotchy. She does nothing but cry and spit up, but all the adults love her more than they love me.

Mother tells me that I need to have patience and compassion because Thursday is an orphan. I ask why she isn't in the orphanage, then. Mother tells me that it's because Thursday is special and the Queen wants us to raise the poor thing.

The Queen. That changes things. Even in my childhood, fat cheeked and spoiled, I am caught up in dreams of becoming a member of her guard, a captain even.

The Queen thinks that Thursday is special, so I think Thursday is special, too.../

Faro frowned, squeezed his eyelids tighter. Common history. Was that what it was, now? History? That hardly seemed right.

He sighed and rolled into a slightly tilted sitting position. Pain slammed around inside of his head, and too-bright light pierced through his eyelids. Dratted Melder. Just talking to her was enough to give anyone a headache. May a dragon eat her and use her bones as toothpicks.

He opened his eyes a moment later, saw a tray of food and tea of some sort, and regretted the silent curse immediately. Not nearly enough to put him off of eating and drinking what she had so kindly provided, however.

Oddly, given that she was a psychopathic murderer, the Melder was a darn good cook when given the chance.

Faro decided that he'd never understand women.

 

Having finished his breakfast, Faro found himself feeling marginally better. At least, his head wasn't screaming at him with every move he made. Something in the tea, probably.

He found the Melder in a room that might have been called a study, though "dark, terrifying torture chamber" would have sufficed equally well. She was sitting on the floor, her abnormally stunted legs at full length before her. She appeared to be reading an almost comically long scroll and didn't look up as Faro entered.

"Lookin' mighty psychopathic, Melder," Faro drawled. "People might think the rumors are true."

"What," she glanced up at him, raised an eyebrow. "I feed you, make you tea, and this is how you repay me? By making fun of my tastes in decor? Bad form, Faro dear, very bad form indeed."

"You must admit this room makes an impressive argument for those who claim you're a sociopath," he replied mildly.

The Melder just laughed. "Oh, you know it, dearie. I'm not much one for denial."

Faro blinked, disturbed, and she laughed again.

"Kidding. You're a very easy mark, Faro."

"Back to the games, I see," he replied stiffly, his cheeks aflame.

"Ah, she blushes," the Melder said, pointing at him with a long-nailed finger. "Art thou offended, good sir?"

"Sod off," Faro replied, his face and neck so warm that he felt for certain he must be glowing in the dim light. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"No," she said bluntly. "Not really." 

*******

Um. Thus far I haven't been able to make the italics or bold work, maybe it's to do with the browser (I use Safari)? Anyhoo, in case it doesn't turn out, the part where it switches to first person/present tense is supposed to be italicized. It's enclosed in /slashes/ like that. Review! Criticize constructively! Y'all know the drill!

submitted by TNÖ, age 16, Deep Space
(July 14, 2009 - 1:37 pm)

Wow! That was awsome. I have a few suggestions (dont I always):

 

Do not seperate Chapter one from the prologue. put it all in Chapter one. Prologues are usually just parts of Chapter one seperated to sound fancy.

I think Faro should be younger when Thursday comes, but that is just my opinion.

Just technicalities that are not important. This means it is REALLY GOOD.

Shiny New Idea Syndrom troubles me too. You have no idea how many story beginings I have, but no ends. I think we should start Shiny New Idea Syndrom Anonymous. 

 

submitted by Adina, age 12, Mostly in fanta
(July 14, 2009 - 3:46 pm)

Thanks! Also, re: Faro's age: their race (the Maq'can) are extremely long-lived, so seventeen to them is equivalent to about five for us. If I get around to revising this I will probably make that more clear.

SNISA! haha. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(July 14, 2009 - 5:31 pm)

Pretty good. Awesome character (my story with her is currently on hold, cause I had a deadline to meet for a contest, but I'll get back to her.) although that's not how I'd pictured her. Good name, though, and "May a dragon eat her and use her bones as toothpicks" caught my fancy. I'll critique it later - I'm tired and I have a cold. :P Again, pretty good, and I will come back with some constructive rantings. :D

 

-EH

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(July 14, 2009 - 11:13 pm)

For the writing, excellent. :) (There were some bits in Chapter One that didn't flow quite so well as they might, but I'm guessing that's because you took a bit out.)

Regarding content, I'm assuming, all things considered, that this isn't exactly supposed to be the kind of story that an eleven-year-old would choose to read, which is why not all of the parts appealed to me personally. Because I'm not the age that the writing is intended for, I can't really critique the content.

The writing overall, though, was great. Sorry that this is a bit disjointed...

submitted by Mary W., age 11.53, NJ
(July 15, 2009 - 11:19 am)

*giggles* SNISA *giggles more* I never thought it would sound so funny if you only say the first letters! *giggles like crazy*

submitted by Adina , age 12, Mostly in fanta
(July 15, 2009 - 7:43 pm)

I'm no good at critique, but is "make you tea" supposed to be "made you tea." Just wondering.

submitted by Mke, age 12, America
(July 16, 2009 - 8:47 pm)

hmm, TNO, sorry I have not mentioned this before but, do I smell a romance coming on?

submitted by Adina , age 12, Mostly in fanta
(July 16, 2009 - 9:51 pm)

Yup, Faro and Thursday are meant to be, I can smell it.

submitted by Adina , age 12, Mostly in fanta
(July 16, 2009 - 9:53 pm)