Invisible Rocks

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Invisible Rocks

Invisible Rocks and Glowing Portals
The Quati
Society for the Protection of Light and Good
The Alequati ~ Founders of the Quati, a Non-Human Race
The Kuquati ~ Beings Capable of Transporting Between Planes
The Nivquati ~ A Magical Race of Humans, Varying Quite a Bit in Power
The human ran as fast as they could. Their footsteps echoed through the darkness as they somehow dodged the invisible rocks. Frantically they tried to make their legs move faster when they were already moving faster than was physically possible. Their mind had already separated from their body and their legs were only moving from a deep knowledge that the only solution was to follow their instincts down the path that wasn’t a path.
They could hear the roar growing closer and they wanted to succumb, to let it take them. But their instincts pushed them on, on to the point where their body ached going to collapse, drained of all energy, and beyond the reach of any help. It was only here, on the brink of death, that they managed to cease running. They jolted to a stop so suddenly that they tumbled forward over the rocks and straight into the heart of a light that they were positive had not been there before.
When they awoke, their mind could not focus on anything but the wondering. They wondered who they were. They wondered why they were here. And most of all, they wondered why it had to hurt so much.
Once they had decided that they did not, could not, know the answers, their mind began to expand its thinking and recognized a face hovering over theirs. They tried to say something, anything. Their panicked need to communicate managed to push its way through the fog taking over their mind, and their mouth sluggishly formed one word. 
“Why?”
The face crinkled into an expression of confusion. “Why what?” The words barely made their way to the human’s ears. 
“Why am I here? Why don’t I remember? Why is there so much hurting? Why- why everything?” Their voice, starting quiet, grew into a sound of despair, of pain and longing and confusion. And the other voice tried to calm the human down, to make them feel safe.
“I do not know why you are here. You do not remember because that is the way of the Nivquati, although not forever. I do not know why there is so much hurting. I cannot give a satisfactory answer to your last question.”
“Nivquati?”
“You are a Nivquatix.”
“I am?”
“Yes. You always have been.”
“I- what?”
“You will understand better once you have rested.”
The human nodded, closing their eyes and letting their body relax into the distant domain of sleep. 
The first dream was a brief and fleeting moment of running so hard they couldn’t feel their legs. The second dream was longer than they would have thought possible, flashing memories, memories that they could now remember. Laughter as they melted into a shadow, a gasp of awe as they cooked a stone into a chunk of meat, exploring and exploring and exploring until they could navigate using nothing but the echoes. The last moment was a horrifying jolt of reality, remembering that they were now on their first mission and they had to pull themselves together so it would be completed. On that note, they pulled themselves out of the reaches of sleep. 
They began to notice their surroundings, becoming more and more confused. They were in a cloud of white, but it didn’t feel scary, or wet, or really like anything. It felt more like a regular world, except there were too many things wrong with it. Like how there was no ground, or gravity, for that matter. And how they could see through the cloud to the face, but not beyond it.
That realization brought their mind back to the face, hovering over theirs again. This time the human noticed something odd about it, something they would have never thought they’d be worthy enough to encounter. 
“Are you- an Alequatix?”
“Yes. I am glad you remember.”
“Then, please, tell me what I am supposed to do.”
The Alequatix paused, its scales rippling from green to blue to violet. The human studied it, searching their brain for their lessons. This was different from the drawings they’d been shown - it was smaller, and its tail forked halfway down instead of at the fins. Most importantly, its face was young and caring, with just a tinge of uncertainty, of worry. 
“I, too, was taken here by the Kuquati. I do not know what our mission is. You are the holder of that knowledge.”
“But surely you know more than me.”
“I do not know what we should do now. You must tell me what we need to do, and only then can I give you advice.”
“I- I don’t know what we need to do!”
“Perhaps we should start by introducing ourselves.”
“Okay. I, well, you know we don’t have names.” They paused. “But the others always called me Shadow.”
“Shadow. That is a good name. I am called Auia.”
“Okay, Auia, what are we supposed to do now?”
“The Kuquati will take us to the next portion of our mission. You must tell me what it is we need to do.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell you. I never thought I’d meet an Alequatix.”
“I understand your confusion, but we must do something now. We cannot stay in this world for much longer.”
As if in response to its words, a Kuquatix materialized in front of Auia. The two adventurers looked at each other, their eyes holding identical looks of doubt, morphing into determination as they steeled themselves, clasped hands, and jumped through the glowing portal.
-=-
I wrote this for school. It's the first chapter of a novel, and I'm not sure if I'm going to write more. I'd like comments on everything, including the title (it's a working title and it needs to be changed). For example, how can I make it less confusing? I've actually thought a lot about the backstory, but most people don't get it.
Please comment. Please. 
submitted by Kitten
(June 13, 2018 - 6:46 pm)

back to the Inkwell

I have some comments/feedback for you! 

1. Your writing style is great! I love how you wrote the start, I could really feel the action. 

2.  I don't think it's that confusing, really. I mean, you did explain who all the groups are at the start of the story. 

3. The title. Hmm. I can't really come up with one since I don't have a lot of information yet, you know? But The Way of the Nivquati seems like it would fit, since that seems like a main point of the story. 

I hope at least some of this helps! And you should totally keep writing. This is a really good start, and I'm intrigued by the story so far!  

submitted by Agent Winter, Classified
(June 14, 2018 - 8:54 am)
submitted by Topperstix!
(June 14, 2018 - 10:34 am)

Okay, thanks for your comments, Agent Winter! So, just a question, what/who would you guess the Kuquati are? (I'd like to see if you got what I was trying to get you to get)

submitted by Kitten
(June 14, 2018 - 10:38 am)

I don't know. Are they something in the real world that I would know about? Again, I don't have enough information to really figure it out. I really want you to write more so I can figure it out, though! 

submitted by Agent Winter, Classified
(June 18, 2018 - 11:32 am)
The Huntmaster looked down at the key. It was dark and ornate, and a mysterious magic seemed to emanate from it. Still, she picked it up.
A sharp flash of cold shook her body as a being made of shadow appeared in front of her.
I am the shadow monster, and I will destroy you and your scavenger hunt!
The Huntmaster evaded the shadow monster for exactly forty-four seconds, enough time to pass on the following message:
Use the key to unlock my room. Let me out and I will destroy the monster. My room can be found through my first post ever. Use your detective skills to determine what that is and who I am. Hint: this thread is important!
submitted by sss
(February 4, 2019 - 4:17 pm)