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Ok, I just
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Ok, I just
Ok, I just beat out some characters for my upcoming NaNo, sans physical descriptions except Chaos because I've written about her before and Ernie 'cause my friend and I were bored and he's a bit of a cliche, they are on the MB and I may as well post them here, for varied audience or something. Actually I'm just bored so...
"Magical" characters:
Chaos: the narrator. Physical embodiment of chaos, one of the 'Principles'. She's slightly insane, and she's in Chicago on a dare, or challenge, or something of that nature, from Fate.
Fate: a minor antagonist for when I have writer's block. He's the ruler of the Principles.
Spritely: Chaos's slightly goofy sidekick. He's an elemental who was expelled from the realm for activities of questionable legality.
Protagonists:
Toby M. Hart. Obsessed with his parentage because he was raised in an orphanage of questionable credentials. Brilliant, but lazy and prone to procrastination. Is unsure of what the M. in his name stands for.
Morwenna Berry. Comes from a rich, snobbish family, she hangs with Toby and some other less-well-off kids in an attempt to displease her controlling father. Average intelligence, but plenty of common sense and a heavy dose of superstition.
Antagonist:
AYU (As Yet Unnamed). He's an abrasive sort of fellow. He was originally a fireman but he got involved in Alias (see below). He vanished a few years ago leaving the authorities baffled.
Major Character thus far:
Adele Moreno. She's a librarian living a quiet and unobtrusive life on the outskirts of Chicago. Clever, likes cats, can be unintentionally funny. She's sought out by business people for... creative solutions to sticky situations.
Dr. Carey. Not much is known about him except he founded Alias and he's filthy rich. And I mean filthy.
Minor Characters:
Ernie. Crazy old man, wears army-green trench-coats and has a scraggly beard down to his knees. He's a plot catalyst who wanders the streets of Chicago preaching to random passerby about doom and the impending apocalypse.
Kangaroo. My personal easter egg, from Screnzy. He's a robot named Kangaroo who was created by Alias. He can dimly foresee the future and he runs on organic material, and he's got a penchant for zucchini (for a better understanding of his character, see my Screnzy on the MB, it's linked on this years Script Frenzy thread).
Not Quite A Character, but Important All the Same:
Alias: A secretive company shrouded in mystery. Founded nearly a decade ago by one Dr. Carey, it is rumored to be involved in unethical experimentation and criminal activity, but no evidence has been uncovered to support these theories. Its headquarters lie beneath the streets of Chicago.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to ask (pretty please) for constructive criticism, or just general advice, or comments that might possibly aid me in my quest for good characters. :D And don't be worried about hurting my feelings if you think something needs fixed; I likes criticism, so long as it's helpful. ;)
submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(October 22, 2008 - 12:06 am)
(October 22, 2008 - 12:06 am)
It's unclear whether this is written in the present, or future, or what... or maybe I missed something. (Which is quite possible.)
Also, what does TNO stand for?
(October 25, 2008 - 10:41 am)
I'm not sure when this is written... I haven't started yet... (five days! five days!)
TNÖ = The Nearly Omnipotent.
(October 26, 2008 - 9:54 pm)
Wow, those are some really cool characters! I like the one, Ernie, the best. But I think that maybe you should try to figure out some of the vague details that you put in there. Example: With Dr. Carey you should explain why not much is known of him, or what is not known about him. I hope I helped you out. Good luck!
(October 25, 2008 - 8:36 pm)
I probably will more fully develop the details, once I start writing in 5 days... In the meantime I keep thinking up more characters, for example Mathias's assassins (oh, yeah, he runs a troupe of eight assassins, don't think I mentioned that before) (last names courtesy of the Algebra textbook credits):
Bartholomew: Nobody knows who she is, where she comes from, or why she calls herself Bartholomew. She specializes in knives.
Cassandra Widersky: Specializes in death by... caffeine. *big grin*
Nandu Madrigal: College foreign-exchange student from Chile. Specialty is firearms.
Ana Medigovich: Stealthy and soft-spoken, her victims experience 'gentle' strangulation.
Gegory Medigovich: Ana's husband, a traditional sort of thug.
Peter Medigovich: Ana and Gregory's son. Kills people with a combination of throat-slitting and poison, and has very bad OCD.
Guinivere Ferraiol: She was an actress until she suffered a psychotic break and murdered a camera man by hitting him with a stiletto heel. Now she uses pillows and garbage bags to do away with her victims.
Dani Fiztgerald: Tech whiz, fresh out of college. Specializes in electrocution.
Also, the following:
William Mukhopadhyay (isn't that an amazing last name?): Doorman for the posh apartment building that the Berrys live in. Is missing a front tooth and two fingers on his right hand.
Kaleigh Rothenbuhler: She runs Toby's orphanage. Crabby, overweight, alcoholic tendancies. She gardens and sells flowers for income to keep the orphanage running. Paranoid conspiracy theorist.
Andrew Murdock: Owns a candy shop across from Adele's library. Comes to her asking for help in dealing with a less than friendly health inspector.
Benny and Ted Aristove: Respectable siblings who run a hardware and electronic store a few blocks away from Andrew's candy shop. They are secretly in league with Alias.
Alice C. Whelley: Chatty and overworked cab driver who dreams of being an astrophysicist and takes classes online in her spare time.
Mike L. Connolly: Homeless guy who lives out of dumpsters. Hangs around Toby's orphanage. Petty thief. Likes books and fish.
Jill Harris: Toby and Morwenna's english teacher. Fond of Shakespeare, retentive memory.
Sable Carey: Dr. Carey's sister, Alfonso's mother. Grows tomatoes in her basement and keeps rats. Refuses to knock down spiderwebs, phobic of pillows.
Alfonso Carey: Spoiled nephew of Dr. Carey. Bad tempered, penchant for bowling.
Deborah Berry: Morwenna's mother. Formerly a used-car salesman, now retired.
Bradley Berry: Morwenna's father. Inherited a fortune from his father, who owned a successful paper company.
Miranda Berry: Morwenna's "mad aunt". Often seen in *hem* fuzzy pink bunny slippers. Says strange things about various celestial bodies, especially the moon. Likes oranges and Diet Pepsi.
Debbie Rasmussen: Detective on the trail of Mathias's assassins.
(October 26, 2008 - 11:16 pm)
The antagonist's name is now Mathias James Winters.
(October 26, 2008 - 2:57 am)
That's a long explanation. Ah well, I think it's pretty good, but you should make sure you know what their personalities are. (Just some advice from me...u don't have to take it.)
(November 3, 2008 - 5:02 pm)
HA HA, HEY SOPHIA! IT'S ME, YOU PROBLABLE KNOW IT'S ME BECAUSE I AM TYPING ALL THIS IN CAPITAL LETTERS! IT'S ME, YOUR FAVORITE COUSIN..ANYWAY, TNO PERSON (HOW DO YOU MAKE THE LITTLE DOTS OVER THE O?) I LIKE THE STORY! :D :D :D :D
(November 4, 2008 - 3:37 pm)
*probably*
On a Mac, the umlauts are made by hitting option and "u" simultaneously, and then typing a regular capital O. Dunno on a windows though...
And how can you like the story if I'm the only one to have read it yet? O.o you're not spying on my computer, are you? *brandishes pencil*
(November 4, 2008 - 5:38 pm)
Ah, but of course i am spying on your computer...i am a member of the CIA!
(November 12, 2008 - 3:19 pm)
AH! YOU'RE FOR THE PEOPLE! *blows up a dumpster*
(November 13, 2008 - 3:58 pm)
ö Hey, it worked!
(December 13, 2008 - 3:38 pm)
Shhhh! You're not supposed to tell, or you'll blow our secret cover! Now let's see if we can lay our hands on that story....
(November 13, 2008 - 5:17 pm)
AAAAAAAH!
*runs screaming and joins Ernie in threatening The People with stolen flame-throwers*
My story is getting even further out of whack, and I'm thinking it's going to be a lot longer than 100,000 words if I haven't even started the plot with 38,000 words...
(November 14, 2008 - 10:39 pm)