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*Sigh *I know you are all bored by reading my pathetic attempts at poetry, so here're some more. YAY!!! tell me what ya think.
Why do the waves pull you in
only to kick you out?
The rabid foam on the oceans snout
Is enough to show it will bite and nip
If the salt stings your eyes and you
fall and slip
Don't you think you should run away?
Why do the wave pull you in
And keep you in a strong embrace
While sand gets in every place
You swim around a little more
And then you swim back to the shore
I'd take the ocean any day
AND!!!!!!
Come with me
take my hand
do not slip
stay on land
in the water there be beasts
Climb the wall
into the cave
watch your step
please be brave
quiet or they'll hear you
Save me
I'll pretend I'm dead
Use your magic powers
Use your head!
I wanna stop playing pretend
let's go home.
So that's that. Are these better for the contest, ya think?
submitted by Adina , age 12, Mostly in fanta
(August 3, 2009 - 9:28 pm)
(August 3, 2009 - 9:28 pm)
I LOVE these poems. You're really good at rhyming and making it sound good. Me, on the other hand, not good at rhying and making it sound good. I like them both, wow. uh, which one do i like better. I don't know, the second poem, I think. Both of those poems seem a little like Shel Silversteins' poems. His book, The Giving Tree made me love reading!!!!! Runny Babbit!!!!!!!!!
(August 4, 2009 - 9:34 am)
aww meadow, I love your poems. I like the storm on a lot. What you should work on though, is rythem ( so should I)
(August 4, 2009 - 12:15 pm)
I think that you're really good at rhyming, Adina. I don't try to rhyme, it just kind of happens. But sometimes rhyming sounds bad even if I wasn't trying to.
(August 4, 2009 - 1:54 pm)
I like the second one better. It's pretty good. Nice job!
-EH
(August 4, 2009 - 5:15 pm)
They're great!!! I love the ocean one. :) But really, do whatever you feel like for the contest! We shouldn't influence your decision. I personally like the raindrops one... oh, sorry, was that yours? I'm confused. Oh well. Sorry.
(August 4, 2009 - 5:19 pm)
I like the second one. However, I don't really undertand 'there 'be' beasts. Don't you mean there are? Be was correct in the 18th century, but things have changed. I really liked it, though! The other one was good, too.
My poems never rhyme. I really admire rhyming poets, but I just can't ever seem to be able to express my feelings in such a limited pattern. How do you manage it?I wish I could write a good poem that rhymes.
(August 4, 2009 - 9:32 pm)
Yeah Lena, the raindrop depressing one was me. And Ima, to practice rhyming first try couplets i.e The cat Wore a hat and then move on to something more complex. And read good poetry.
(August 5, 2009 - 12:16 pm)
I like 'em! Especially the second one. :)
(August 5, 2009 - 2:15 pm)
They'er both quite good. I agree with Ima in that it is difficult to write reasonably okay rhyming poetry, but you did very well.
(August 5, 2009 - 8:23 pm)
Hah! *snorts* For me, it's hard to write non-rhyming poetry! hehe. Except for haikus. Example:
What I know
and what I feel
Goes to show
nothing's perfect
When I'm feeling down
when I'm hopelessly
Lost in my home-town
Is when I need a friend
What do you know
Can't you see it
Doesn't my face show
What I'm feeling?
This face you see
Is a mask to hide
my feelings and me
So no one knows
How I need
a friend
A tiny seed
called kindness.
Hehehe. That was written just now in about a minute or so. And yes, I'm depressed right now. Always am, really. *thinks* that poem would actually make a good song, too....
(August 6, 2009 - 7:57 pm)
That's really pretty! :)
(August 7, 2009 - 7:22 am)
Those were good.
(August 7, 2009 - 8:32 am)
Those were lovely and pretty and awsome though I don't see how they are haikus. I always thought Haikus were 5 syllables 7syllables 5 syllables? Maybe I am doing something wrong?
(August 7, 2009 - 11:27 am)
Oh. Right! Those were my average (rhyming) poems. Haiku example:
I drift in my dreams
Like a puff of air in a
breeze, and that is Life.
(August 7, 2009 - 5:11 pm)
Sorry, but I think that you do not leave off in the middle of a phrase just to fit the sylleble requirement in a haiku. I thought that too was against the rules.I like your first poems better.
(August 8, 2009 - 10:46 am)