I'm writing a

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm writing a

I'm writing a novel, and i wanted y'all's opinions on it. This is the prologue. I just pasted it on here, soooo... i forgot what i was going to say. SO. Without further ado, the Sparrowhawk Chronicles, book one: New Alliances, Prologue.

 

 

 

Prologue

A breeze rustled through the branches of a tall willow tree, leaning over the roof of a little cabin. The curtains of a window swished as the breeze stole inside. It swirled, and if a breeze could look uncertain, this one did, until a beam of moonlight bent and illuminated the wooden crib in the corner. The breeze rustled over, and hovered above the sleeping form of the infant nestled there. The breeze whistled a bit, and a shimmering bubble appeared, picturing the infant. Light skin. The shadow of a smile. A golden fuzz covering her head. The baby girl’s eyes opened, and the image in the bubble mirrored her action, revealing startlingly blue irises, and a focused, almost stern gaze. The bubble moved up and down, as if nodding, and drifted closer to the baby, but suddenly dissipated as the sound of a shutter clattering open echoed through the cabin. A dark cloud sailed into the room and up to the crib, almost seeming to study the little girl, who had fallen back asleep. The cloud copied the breeze’s actions, the only differences being the cloud treated it like a ritual, and seemed to be disgusted by the child’s presence, whereas the breeze had been pleased. The cloud sank down towards the baby, and her eyes blinked open, and she let out a startled shriek. The cloud swished back, sailing straight through a chair in it's haste to leave the cabin as the little girl’s mother came in and picked her up, quietly shushing her.

The cloud flew above the trees, finally slowing down as it neared a small hollow. It swished up to a dark figure and hissed, barely forming the ghost of a sentence. “I found the child.”

“Did you kill it?” The question came sharply, accusing. The cloud flinched.

“No, she sensed me.”

“I thought you told me she didn't have any power yet!”

“She doesn't-”

“Then how did she sense you?”

“She’s just a bit perceptive-”

“Perceptive doesn't sense a cloud, Fluffy!”

Fluffy swirled, frustrated. “I hate that name. Why couldn't it have been Doom, or Evil Destroyer Of Future Enemies? EDOFE has a nice ring to it, don't you think?”

“IDIOT!!!” Fluffy flinched at the cry. “I’ll kill her myself,” muttered the shadowy creature, unfurling a pair of leathery batwings, and shooting towards the cabin.

The little girl had just fallen asleep. Her mother bent to lay her down in the crib, then straightened, humming slightly. Thunder rumbled. A brief flash of lightning lit the room, revealing the stiff form near the wall, framed by large wings. The child’s mother continued singing softly, oblivious to the creature’s presence. It advanced. A pair of dark hazel eyes glittered with malice. It blinked, and they were no longer hazel, instead a fiery red color spread over its eyes. Distinct yellow streaks seemed to stream from the black cat’s-eye pupils flicking back and forth, examining the room. Two snakelike fangs glinted between parted lips. Despite the demonic features, the creature closely resembled a woman. A hiss escaped her lips, and the mother turned around, eyes wide with terror. The woman’s sword shone scarlet before it plunged into the mother’s chest. Blood bloomed over her dress, and she crumpled to the floor. The woman stepped over the corpse, and looked into the crib. Her sword had somehow vanished. She reached towards the child, but before she could grasp the girl, a white arrow whistled by her face and imbedded itself in the wall. A second arrow pierced her arm, and she shrieked with fury. Ripping it free, she turned to the place that the arrows had come from. Her voice trembled with anger. “Who dares to shoot me?”

A silvery voice trilled from the shadows.“One who doesn't want the star child killed.”

“You just want the prophecy to be fulfilled.”  The woman hissed back. “You're too scared to face me directly.”

A second voice joined the first. “We are trying to stop the prophecy, Kreagle. No one should have the responsibility that it tells of, but killing the star child isn't the way to stop it.”

Kreagle rolled her eyes. “Are you daft, Maple? The only way to stop a prophecy is to kill the one it speaks of.”

“We don't want the star child to be killed.” Said the first voice firmly, but Maple sighed.

“Perhaps, Alder, she may be right?”

Alder’s voice sharpened with surprise. “Surely you don't agree with her, Maple?”

Kreagle stamped her foot against the floor, not unlike a small child, angry at not getting her way. “Enough of this nonsense. Show yourselves, and we can talk through this like reasonable people.” Something in her voice suggested she meant anything but reasonable, and Alder knew it.

“We shouldn't-” she tried to say, but Maple interrupted her.

“Very well.” She said brightly, and stepped out of the shadows. Alder followed reluctantly. Kreagle studied the two. Alder and Maple appeared human, but they both had luminous white skin, dragonfly wings, and their eyes were completely white, without a glint of another color. Alder stepped forward.

“Now, we really need to take the star child and-” Her sentence was cut short as Kreagle lunged in front of her, cutting her off from the crib. The demon-woman’s voice had changed to a guttural growl.

“You're not going anywhere with that child!”

Alder’s blank eyes widened, but she didn't seem surprised. Maple nocked an arrow and pointed it at Kreagle.

“You said we’d talk about it, not fight about it!”

Alder dodged Kreagle and ran to the crib, picking up the girl, who had woken up and was watching the three with fascination. Kreagle hissed at her, and her sword appeared out of nowhere, swinging down toward Alder’s head. Alder sidestepped the blow, but her foot slipped in a pool of blood left from the mother’s slaughter, and she sat down heavily, the child still clasped to her chest. The sword shimmered red as Kreagle leaned down. Her fangs glimmered in the moonlight.

“Thanks for the present.” Kreagle hissed mockingly, and she slipped the sword cleanly between Alder’s ribs. Alder gasped, and she bent over, digging her fingernails into the child’s arm. Her eyes began to glow. Kreagle staggered back.

“What is she doing?”

Maple stared at Alder’s shaking figure. It had begun to glow brightly, and almost disappeared. “When a faery dies-”

“Faery?”

“Yes. when a faery dies, they need a vessel to contain their powers. It’s not supposed to be a person, but there's nothing else to use. The star child is accepting Alder’s powers.”

Kreagle glared at Maple for a moment, then turned and leaped through the window. Maple continued watching as the glow faded. Alder had vanished. The baby girl was still laying on the floor, but when Maple picked her up, the air bent around her, and misty wings formed, slowly solidifying until a pair of white feathered wings curved around the child’s body. She blinked up at Maple, and her eyes were completely blue, with white cats-eye pupils. She chirped, then let out a piercing shriek that echoed through the cabin. Maple looked at her closely.

“You're a little sparrow-hawk. A… Sparrowhawk.”

The newly named Sparrowhawk giggled, and Maple looked towards the window.

“I'm taking you to my house. You'll be safer there.” She grasped Sparrowhawk firmly, and flew off above the trees.

I'm open for constructive criticism.

 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 10, 2019 - 8:05 pm)

Wow, this is cool and a great idea! You're an amazing writer, and the first paragraph is especially well done. But it seemed to me that the dialogue was a bit rushed and hard to follow. That's all.

:)

 

submitted by spiffycat, age 12
(June 12, 2019 - 9:37 pm)
submitted by Toppers Inc.
(June 13, 2019 - 12:38 pm)

Thanks, i'm glad you like it Spiffycat! 

 

Khai says kybu. Khai boo? You don't scare me, Khai. Wait, you got booed? Poor thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOP 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 15, 2019 - 8:06 pm)

Ooh, I like it!

submitted by Kitten, Pondering
(June 17, 2019 - 5:12 pm)

This is really good Nyx!

submitted by Fleet, sniping with Deverim Kay
(June 18, 2019 - 9:03 am)

TOP

 

Khai says tvrc. TV rocks! 

submitted by Newchaptercomingsoon, age 12 years, earth
(June 23, 2019 - 11:38 am)

 

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submitted by TOP
(June 23, 2019 - 4:06 pm)