I'm writing a

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm writing a

I'm writing a novel, and i wanted y'all's opinions on it. This is the prologue. I just pasted it on here, soooo... i forgot what i was going to say. SO. Without further ado, the Sparrowhawk Chronicles, book one: New Alliances, Prologue.

 

 

 

Prologue

A breeze rustled through the branches of a tall willow tree, leaning over the roof of a little cabin. The curtains of a window swished as the breeze stole inside. It swirled, and if a breeze could look uncertain, this one did, until a beam of moonlight bent and illuminated the wooden crib in the corner. The breeze rustled over, and hovered above the sleeping form of the infant nestled there. The breeze whistled a bit, and a shimmering bubble appeared, picturing the infant. Light skin. The shadow of a smile. A golden fuzz covering her head. The baby girl’s eyes opened, and the image in the bubble mirrored her action, revealing startlingly blue irises, and a focused, almost stern gaze. The bubble moved up and down, as if nodding, and drifted closer to the baby, but suddenly dissipated as the sound of a shutter clattering open echoed through the cabin. A dark cloud sailed into the room and up to the crib, almost seeming to study the little girl, who had fallen back asleep. The cloud copied the breeze’s actions, the only differences being the cloud treated it like a ritual, and seemed to be disgusted by the child’s presence, whereas the breeze had been pleased. The cloud sank down towards the baby, and her eyes blinked open, and she let out a startled shriek. The cloud swished back, sailing straight through a chair in it's haste to leave the cabin as the little girl’s mother came in and picked her up, quietly shushing her.

The cloud flew above the trees, finally slowing down as it neared a small hollow. It swished up to a dark figure and hissed, barely forming the ghost of a sentence. “I found the child.”

“Did you kill it?” The question came sharply, accusing. The cloud flinched.

“No, she sensed me.”

“I thought you told me she didn't have any power yet!”

“She doesn't-”

“Then how did she sense you?”

“She’s just a bit perceptive-”

“Perceptive doesn't sense a cloud, Fluffy!”

Fluffy swirled, frustrated. “I hate that name. Why couldn't it have been Doom, or Evil Destroyer Of Future Enemies? EDOFE has a nice ring to it, don't you think?”

“IDIOT!!!” Fluffy flinched at the cry. “I’ll kill her myself,” muttered the shadowy creature, unfurling a pair of leathery batwings, and shooting towards the cabin.

The little girl had just fallen asleep. Her mother bent to lay her down in the crib, then straightened, humming slightly. Thunder rumbled. A brief flash of lightning lit the room, revealing the stiff form near the wall, framed by large wings. The child’s mother continued singing softly, oblivious to the creature’s presence. It advanced. A pair of dark hazel eyes glittered with malice. It blinked, and they were no longer hazel, instead a fiery red color spread over its eyes. Distinct yellow streaks seemed to stream from the black cat’s-eye pupils flicking back and forth, examining the room. Two snakelike fangs glinted between parted lips. Despite the demonic features, the creature closely resembled a woman. A hiss escaped her lips, and the mother turned around, eyes wide with terror. The woman’s sword shone scarlet before it plunged into the mother’s chest. Blood bloomed over her dress, and she crumpled to the floor. The woman stepped over the corpse, and looked into the crib. Her sword had somehow vanished. She reached towards the child, but before she could grasp the girl, a white arrow whistled by her face and imbedded itself in the wall. A second arrow pierced her arm, and she shrieked with fury. Ripping it free, she turned to the place that the arrows had come from. Her voice trembled with anger. “Who dares to shoot me?”

A silvery voice trilled from the shadows.“One who doesn't want the star child killed.”

“You just want the prophecy to be fulfilled.”  The woman hissed back. “You're too scared to face me directly.”

A second voice joined the first. “We are trying to stop the prophecy, Kreagle. No one should have the responsibility that it tells of, but killing the star child isn't the way to stop it.”

Kreagle rolled her eyes. “Are you daft, Maple? The only way to stop a prophecy is to kill the one it speaks of.”

“We don't want the star child to be killed.” Said the first voice firmly, but Maple sighed.

“Perhaps, Alder, she may be right?”

Alder’s voice sharpened with surprise. “Surely you don't agree with her, Maple?”

Kreagle stamped her foot against the floor, not unlike a small child, angry at not getting her way. “Enough of this nonsense. Show yourselves, and we can talk through this like reasonable people.” Something in her voice suggested she meant anything but reasonable, and Alder knew it.

“We shouldn't-” she tried to say, but Maple interrupted her.

“Very well.” She said brightly, and stepped out of the shadows. Alder followed reluctantly. Kreagle studied the two. Alder and Maple appeared human, but they both had luminous white skin, dragonfly wings, and their eyes were completely white, without a glint of another color. Alder stepped forward.

“Now, we really need to take the star child and-” Her sentence was cut short as Kreagle lunged in front of her, cutting her off from the crib. The demon-woman’s voice had changed to a guttural growl.

“You're not going anywhere with that child!”

Alder’s blank eyes widened, but she didn't seem surprised. Maple nocked an arrow and pointed it at Kreagle.

“You said we’d talk about it, not fight about it!”

Alder dodged Kreagle and ran to the crib, picking up the girl, who had woken up and was watching the three with fascination. Kreagle hissed at her, and her sword appeared out of nowhere, swinging down toward Alder’s head. Alder sidestepped the blow, but her foot slipped in a pool of blood left from the mother’s slaughter, and she sat down heavily, the child still clasped to her chest. The sword shimmered red as Kreagle leaned down. Her fangs glimmered in the moonlight.

“Thanks for the present.” Kreagle hissed mockingly, and she slipped the sword cleanly between Alder’s ribs. Alder gasped, and she bent over, digging her fingernails into the child’s arm. Her eyes began to glow. Kreagle staggered back.

“What is she doing?”

Maple stared at Alder’s shaking figure. It had begun to glow brightly, and almost disappeared. “When a faery dies-”

“Faery?”

“Yes. when a faery dies, they need a vessel to contain their powers. It’s not supposed to be a person, but there's nothing else to use. The star child is accepting Alder’s powers.”

Kreagle glared at Maple for a moment, then turned and leaped through the window. Maple continued watching as the glow faded. Alder had vanished. The baby girl was still laying on the floor, but when Maple picked her up, the air bent around her, and misty wings formed, slowly solidifying until a pair of white feathered wings curved around the child’s body. She blinked up at Maple, and her eyes were completely blue, with white cats-eye pupils. She chirped, then let out a piercing shriek that echoed through the cabin. Maple looked at her closely.

“You're a little sparrow-hawk. A… Sparrowhawk.”

The newly named Sparrowhawk giggled, and Maple looked towards the window.

“I'm taking you to my house. You'll be safer there.” She grasped Sparrowhawk firmly, and flew off above the trees.

I'm open for constructive criticism.

 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 10, 2019 - 8:05 pm)

Wow, this is cool and a great idea! You're an amazing writer, and the first paragraph is especially well done. But it seemed to me that the dialogue was a bit rushed and hard to follow. That's all.

:)

 

submitted by spiffycat, age 12
(June 12, 2019 - 9:37 pm)
submitted by Toppers Inc.
(June 13, 2019 - 12:38 pm)

Thanks, i'm glad you like it Spiffycat! 

 

Khai says kybu. Khai boo? You don't scare me, Khai. Wait, you got booed? Poor thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOP 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(June 15, 2019 - 8:06 pm)

Ooh, I like it!

submitted by Kitten, Pondering
(June 17, 2019 - 5:12 pm)

This is really good Nyx!

submitted by Fleet, sniping with Deverim Kay
(June 18, 2019 - 9:03 am)

TOP

 

Khai says tvrc. TV rocks! 

submitted by Newchaptercomingsoon, age 12 years, earth
(June 23, 2019 - 11:38 am)

 

TOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOP

TOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOPTOP

submitted by TOP
(June 23, 2019 - 4:06 pm)

Chapter one: Alkethi, pt 1.

Alkethi ran through the forest, barely registering the mist that covered the ground, the debris hanging from the trees. She tripped, but quickly caught herself and kept running. Violent thrashing and pounding echoed from the woods behind her, slowly giving way to silence. Through the silence came a rasping breath, hissing roughly, too close to her. She tried to run faster, but her feet would not move. They had frozen to the ground. A body slammed into her, knocking her to the ground. Rough, broken nails scraped her cheek. Yield.

  Alkethi sprang out of her bed, automatically grabbing her blaster from where it hung on the bedpost, and pointed it at the wall, before realizing that she had woken up. Just a bad dream. She thought. Just a nightmare. A soft glow illuminated her room, and she realized that it was almost dawn. The bands of crystal that went around the walls of the bedrooms emitted light at the same pace as the light outside. Since she lived in a cave with no windows, it was the only way for Alkethi to tell time. She didn’t even have a clock. “Dawn,” she murmured. “No more sleep then.” But it was still too early to do anything. Alkethi opened her door quietly, and headed down the hallway-cave she emerged into, passing other doors every so often. Behind each of these, she  knew, were other trainees, still sleeping before the light woke them up. She unconsciously muttered the names carved into the doors as she passed them. “Scail, Valenir, Raeklen, Kouthek, Dahknahm.” She lingered at Sparrowhawk’s door before moving on. Unlike most, their leader insisted on having the exact same living quarters for every person that lived in the enormous cave network, except for one. Daene was a mer-man, and, though he could take on legs when necessary, he preferred to sleep in an underground lake. This was where Alkethi was headed. When she reached the end of the hallway, she came into a small, low-ceilinged room with a few other pathways branching off of it. A substantial fireplace lit the room and provided a cozy feel, despite the lack of furniture. Each doorway had a colored arch over it, telling where it went. All of the arches were dark blue, signifying bedroom hallways, except for one, directly across from Alkethi, that was gold. It led to the central cavern, where all of the pathways converged, and where all ranks met to talk, lounge, and basically enjoy life.

  If there was anything to enjoy, with Kreagle breathing down our necks all the time, she thought grumblingly. Sparrowhawk’s archenemy was always managing to lure them out, and then she and her army would massacre them. They lost more warriors almost every day, and the healers always had their hands full. Alkethi shook her head to dislodge the thoughts, and headed through the gold doorway. The short hallway was dimly lit, but she knew it well enough to pass through with no more than a fingertip against the wall. Ducking through the arch at the end, she emerged into the central cavern. She paused in awe, for though she had lived here for several months, the beauty of this room never ceased to amaze her. The high ceiling was patterned with small crystals, forming a sky full of stars, and in the center of the cavern there was a single, towering crystal, lighting the room. A large pond, filled with crystal-clear water glimmered in the corner. She knew that there was a passageway of water under the floor that led to the larger lake, so that Daene could easily get from there to the central cavern. It was still dim there, but it was barely dawn. Soon the crystal’s light would swell until it was as bright as day. Alkethi looked around the edge of the cavern, at the numerous colored arches circling it. White for first aid, red for training, the dark blue arch she had just come through that led to the bedrooms, and-- there. She crossed the cavern, skirting the couches that surrounded the central crystal, and stood under the silver arch. The one that led to the lake. And Daene.


submitted by Newchapter!!, age 12 years, earth
(June 24, 2019 - 2:16 pm)

Chapter one, pt two: Alkethi

 

She shivered pleasantly, as she always did at the prospect of seeing her friend again, though she didn’t know why. She never experienced this strange thrill for any of her other friends, but as usual, she shook loose the thoughts and walked through the doorway. This passageway was lit by Daene’s power. Alkethi had heard the story, of how, soon after his arrival, the mer-man had come through the passageway and created glowing patterns on the wall, mirroring the reflection of water on a smooth surface. Alkethi couldn't help it, she sat down on the floor, crossing her legs, and gazed with admiration at the patterns that Daene--her friend--had created. After several minutes, though, she stood back up and continued along the awesome passage. When she reached the end, she stopped. 

   It's been too long. 

   The wide expanse of blue water in front of her was lit from the inside, glowing as if it had a life of its own. There were crystals once again, patterning the ceiling, but in lieu of the flaming white crystals of the central cavern, these were light blue. 


submitted by NewChapterComeNow!!!, age , geez, yes, i overdid it
(July 7, 2019 - 4:53 pm)

top please

submitted by NewChapterComeNow!!!
(July 7, 2019 - 8:00 pm)

Chapter on pt. three:

 

The walls were smooth and shiny, and there was a narrow strip of sandy ground going all the way around the lake. Beneath the surface of the clear water, there was colorful fluorescent coral, and as it got deeper, so did the shades of the coral, going from bright yellows and reds and blues, to dark greeny-blue shades, and at the very bottom of the lake, there was a huge blue crystal, much smaller than the crystal of the central cavern, but huge by itself. Unlike the other glowing crystals scattered throughout the tunnel network, this crystal blazed brightly day and night, making the entire lake glow. 

   A splash startled Alkethi out of her reverie, and she looked down to see Daene’s forehead and eyes peeking out of the water right next to her feet, the rest of his body below the surface. She smiled, and leaned down to shove his head back under. For a moment he stayed there, and Alkethi tilted her head in confusion, but then Daene shot out of the water, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the water. She bobbed back up, spluttering. “Daene!” she chattered, “This water is c-cold!” 

   “Then why did you jump in it?” he asked.

   “Why you little-- pppppffffftttttt!” Alkethi gagged on the salty water as Daene shoved her back under. She blindly cast about for something to grab onto, and her fingers closed on something soft, which promptly bit her. She squealed, letting loose a stream of bubbles, and swam to the surface, climbing out of the lake and onto the shore. Daene followed, sneezing. 

   “You grabbed my face!” he cried. 

   “I what?

   “You grabbed my face!” He was laughing now, and so was Alkethi. As she doubled over, laughing, she finally got a good look at him. He had let his black hair grow so long that it covered his shoulders, and his light green eyes seemed even more piercing than they had on her last visit. The light blue scales on his tail, peppered with gold, contrasted nicely with his dark brown skin, and the wide, triangular fin at the end of his tail was light gold as well. There was a sea gem charm hanging by a seaweed cord around his neck, that changed colors to match his emotions. Alkethi paused, cocking her head in confusion. The charm, normally glittering a happy gold color, was a dismal purple. She looked up at Daene.

   “What’s wrong?”

   He jumped slightly, and slapped a hand to his chest, covering the charm. “Nothing.” 

   “Liar.” 

   He glared at her so fiercely that she had to resist the urge to back away. “I said, nothing.

submitted by TopForNewChapter, age top years, signed Nyx
(August 9, 2019 - 11:18 am)

Chapter One pt. four I think

 

 Alkethi stared at him, confused and a little hurt, waiting for his expression to change, but it didn't and after a brief stare-down, he turned and splashed back down into the water. She rose to her feet and walked slowly back the way she came, entering her room and closing the door quietly behind her. The light emitting from the crystal was much brighter now, and Alkethi could see that dawn was long gone-- noon was approaching. 

   Why is no one up? She realized now that no sound had come from any of the passages as she had passed through them, and the central cavern, normally filled with trainees, had been empty. 

   Why?

   She didn’t know how to answer her own question, so she went out into the hall, and, pressing her ear against each of the doors in turn, listened carefully for sounds of trainees waking. Nothing. There was no sound behind any of the doors. She paused longer at each one, straining to hear something, but there was no sound. She reached Sparrowhawk’s door and paused.

   Scuffling.

   Sounds of scuffling and muffled thumps came from behind the door, the unmistakable indicator of a fight. Alkethi quietly pulled out her blaster, and set a hand to the doorknob. She listened for a moment more, to be sure she was really hearing a fight, and then charged.


submitted by TopForNewChapter, age top years, signed Nyx
(August 9, 2019 - 1:21 pm)

Chapter Two pt. one: N'dat

 

Chapter two: N’dat

“Duck, jab, swing, feint left, roll right-- your other right! C’mon, N’dat, don't tell me you don't know your right from your left!”

   “Okay,” panted N’dat, “I won't tell you.” He was getting tired of following the orders of the sleek reptilian trainer, Lask. Lask was relentless, always pushing N’dat to his limits, and he never gave him a break. 

   “Don't tell me that either, smarty!” he was yelling now, and the sound right in front of N’dat’s face almost burst his eardrums. He backed up, grimacing.

   Lask and N’dat were almost exactly alike. Both of them had scales covering their entire bodies, clawed hands, and reptilian tails. The only differences were that Lask’s scales were dull brown, while N’dat’s were glittering scarlet, and N’dat had dragon’s wings. He beat them now, hard, into Lask’s face, and rose up into the air, flying towards the ceiling of the training cave.

   “Hey!” Lask yelled, “flying is cheating!”

   “Maybe during training,” he called back, “but if you were in a battle, and you had wings, wouldn't you fly too?”

   “NO!” 

   “Suit yourself.” He muttered, clinging to one of the many stalactites dotting the ceiling.

   Lask roared in fury. “I'm reporting you to Kreagle!” he shrieked.

   “Good luck with that!” N’dat yelled back. “She’ll never listen to you!” Kreagle always refused to believe he would do anything out of place, even if he did. She liked to call him, “her little demon”. He didn't like it, but he knew better than to cross Kreagle, the ringleader of Khratchska, the dark side of Lyminuthkri. 


submitted by TopForNewChapter, age top years, signed Nyx
(August 9, 2019 - 1:23 pm)

Chapter Two pt. two: N'dat

 

Lyminuthkri was the island that they lived on, light and dark sides constantly warring with each other. Myria, the light side, was on the opposite side of the island, and Sparrowhawk and her fighters resided there. Kreagle was constantly training her fighters for battle with the Myrians, even though most of them couldn't possibly get better at fighting. She had also begun to train some of them as spies, but only the ones who proved themselves best in battle. N’dat had been training for months, hoping Kreagle would pick him for a fight squad, and then he could try for spy training, even though he wasn't sure how they were supposed to infiltrate Sparrowhawk’s base when the Myrians had seen them, had fought them before. Still--

   “N’dat!” someone called. “Kreagle wants to speak with you!”

   “Coming!” he yelled back, dropping down to the ground where Streesk, a froglike demon, was waiting for him. “What did you say?”

   “Kreagle wants to speak with you!” he squeaked again.

   “Alright, where?”

   “Great Hall!” Streesk skittered away before N’dat could question him further, probably afraid he would hit him. Streesk was only ranked messenger, and N’dat ranked far above him. He would never hit a lower ranked Khratchskan, but he couldn't tell anyone that, so Streesk had run. 

   N’dat sighed and turned down the tunnel leading to the Great Hall. stalactites hung from the ceiling, and a dim red light seemed to emanate from the walls, providing an eerie atmosphere. N’dat had never liked it, but Kreagle did.


submitted by TopForNewChapter, age top years, signed Nyx
(August 9, 2019 - 2:02 pm)