I remember Neko! She was so nice! 

*Checks old thread* 

My ten-year-old writing was so cringey. 

I'm rewriting a story I wrote two years ago (So. Cringey.). It was about a girl who was growing up in an orphanage and meets this other really young girl whose backstory is heartbreaking. The first girl treats her like a sister, but the young one gets adopted, and they reunite ten years later. Here's an excerpt: 

Marlene has just finished cleaning the floor of the parlour when she hears a knock. Ms. Lane rushes down the staircase and opens it. A man of about 30 is on the other side, along with a girl no older than a day over seven. The little girl has long black hair in loose curls and a pale, thin face. She's wearing a fluffy white dress and black shoes. Ms. Lane shows a big, fake smile at the man, who is completely oblivious that the woman staring back at him is despicable. The man says, ''This girl is the one who you asked about. Elizabeth, step foward and say hello to Ms. Lane.'' The girl does no such thing and only looks at Ms. Lane with her big green eyes. ''Hello Elizabeth. Welcome'' Marlene frowns, and the girl looks at Marlene. Marlene smiles at the girl, and she gives a small, shy smile back. 

Oof. I really like this writing style.  

It is a sunny day, and the pink and purple unfathomable eldritch monster, who has decided to spring for grilled cheese and tomato soup, is bolting at speed towards the nearest Panera Bread when the oddly shaped squirrel who follows him around everywhere gives him a look.* “Right,” he mutters. “If I go into Panera Bread like this I’ll be attacked.” So he concentrates slightly towards the left, alters reality, and waits for the small pop.

*He suspects the oddly shaped squirrel is his little sister in disguise, but decided a while ago to let her have her fun.

Some quotes:

-"It's nice to know... that the sky is crying with us."

-"Everie is still resting under the ground. And there are still days where I wish I was resting with her, and days when I look in Xavion's eyes and hate myself for never loving him back, and days when I'm just drowning. When I just can't, because she's not here to pick me up and tell me I can.

I lost Ev. Dia lost Isaac. Xay lost his heart. But. Jak and Armani lost nothing that was in-between them. They still have each other and we still have them. Maybe their happily ever after can make up for all of those that the rest of us lost. 

A young girl runs about with flowers in her fists. A girl named Everie Zayrie.

A baby boy sleeps in Armani's arms. A boy named Isaac Ray.

Yes, some days I still struggle to come to terms with my new life. But today is good. Today, I can look at the world and smile." 

-"I used to have a brother too."

-"There are spectrums within us, Hope. Rainbows. All we need to do... is let them show."

-"'Her name is Hope... for the hope that you would all come home to me.' 

'I gave you me. Is it enough?"

'Always.'"

-"I bet this place during Autumn would make a poet faint."

-"For the first time, I realize that when I lost a twin my parents lost a daughter."

Wow, I'm so dark... or just good at writing things that make you cry.

I wrote this yesterday and I thought it was cool:

I look up and the sky is just so blue and the clouds could be kingdoms and the sun is smiling and it’s just so beautiful and something indescribable happens where my thoughts just keep spouting out incoherent words and I’m just in awe and if I could climb into the sky’s lap and just stay there and hug the world I would I would I would. 

My thoughts are a water fountain and they just pour but none of them are quite right… and now I’m free-falling into a world I didn’t know existed. I don’t know if I like it or not, or if it just is, if this strange new world is just here and I can visit anytime I feel like losing myself. 

Is this a good beginning for a story? Or should I start if off with a more action scene?

Jetal.

     Great indeed was this land. Its symbol was
the wild and mystical lynx; its power was in beauty and fearlessness. It was
young compared to other lands in Jith, but now it was founded, it would never
fall, not until world’s end.

     For it was a realm of diversity. To the
north were the Scarflame Mountains, hot and looming – directly south, the
taciturn Fields of Mavria, where the grass was white, and the black-needled
grobben trees stood in wary clusters. That was where the city of Corpararia crouched,
called by some City of the Dove, by others City of the Raven. Its emblem was a
swan, and its ruler was Devcor, a young man who hailed from the land of Highlen
in the north.

     The Forest of Dagmoon, silver and dark emerald,
the home of the fairies. Lynxes roamed its eastern groves, paragons of strength
and golden fur disappearing into the trees at human approach. Near, Mt.
Cantafier, with fire always blossoming on its slopes, served as a home to the
phoenixes and their Queen, Swalelah.

     Sweeping along the western coast,
Graeylentare Forest, where the trees gracefully caught the light of the sunrise
in their leaves. Here stood Faerlyte, the Capital, simple, yet proud.

     Farther south were the Middling Lands, rolling
green fields dotted by friendly villages, and then two great mountains, Mt.
Regalhaven and Mt. Coolrise. And beyond that? The Black Fields of Stone – the
Lava Wastes. Below these regions of black raikrock and lava was the City of
Harkraik, of the fire-wolf, where Apisha of the Scorpion reigned. The whole
country was bordered by the Ocean of Ayplayd in the west, and the Mountains of
the Golden Griffin to the east.

      Jetal
had six principal cities. The rulers of these cities served as a Council that governed
the land, though the ruler of the capital, Faerlyte, was technically supreme. This
Council served the kingdom well, adding to its diversity. One of the cities was
Keltheniel, in the Cleared Underlands, lands of shadow but not evil. These
lands lay between Mavria and the sea. Murly ruled them. And there was
Corpararia – Matchback, in Dagmoon, and Barebox, also in Dagmoon. Their rulers
where Sela and Luplessa. There was Harkraik, of course, and the fairest city of
them all, Faerlyte.

     The ruler of Faerlyte and the true Queen
of all Jetal was Queen Pívena. There was no king. (In Jetal, the king and the
queen did not have to be married or even related. Pívena could have nominated
any man to be king, and if the people agreed, it would be so). The next in line
to the throne was the Head Courtier of Pívena’s Court of Sixteen Ladies:
Graléce. She could choose not to be queen, and it that case a new ruler or
rulers would be elected. But Graléce was ambitious, clever, and capable and
would take on the responsibility of being Queen with joy.

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     At the moment this tale begins, she was
striding down the corridor to the Council Room. It was time for the bimonthly
Council Meeting, and courtiers had to be present.

~~~

Besides I don't know if the reader will even care about all this Jith stuff. Maybe I shouldn't. 

The tomcat twisted in midair, trying to land on his feet even as stars spiraled past his face. It was no use. He was too high, going too fast. He plummeted past the bright lights of apartments, shining brightly through the frosted window panes. His brown tabby fur did nothing to protect him from the cold, sheer wind. His view was a twisted swirl of starry sky, yellow light, and dark gray pavement. He could only hear the roaring of the wind in his ears. He fell through a leafy tree and landed on the asphalt with a sickening crack. A blaze of pain shot through his body, then he was floating in a dark abyss, his mind filled with a blissful blankness.

"With every sunrise, something new begins."