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A poem. What
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A poem. What
A poem. What do you think?
Lady Rain
Delicate girls
Leaning over
Bowing to the ground
With a smile etched on their smooth innocent faces
And nothing better to do
Than watch the world spin
Lords and Ladies
With leafy green tresses
And wind caressed gowns of the deepest brown
Sway in time
To the music that hangs in the air
That plays a ringing tune
Delicate slippers
Tiptoe about
Careful not to spoil their toes
Sashaying over the earth
In a merry dance
That tells a story of things here and there
Sliding in graceful formation
Twisting down from above
Coy and sweet
To touch an elegant tree's elbow as it dances
To kiss a young flower's face as it bows
The Lady Rain has the daintiest feet.
submitted by JFB, age 13, Here and There
(August 18, 2009 - 7:12 pm)
(August 18, 2009 - 7:12 pm)
A terrific poem! I love it! You might want to lose a couple of "that"s but otherwise it's great!
"The Lady rain hs the daintiest feet." I like that line. :)
(August 19, 2009 - 9:57 am)
To get it to the ront, so others will see this awesome poem... :D
(August 19, 2009 - 3:32 pm)
I LOVE THE JONAS BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(August 21, 2009 - 11:49 am)
It was really beautiful, and so eloquent.
(August 19, 2009 - 3:34 pm)
That's really good. I bet you place well with it. I love the last line. The thing that comes to mind that I would change is the word formation in the last stanza. Formation is not a word that fits your poem, a word that really doesn't fit in poetry, like computer or technology. Try a different word - it would flow better.
-EH
(August 19, 2009 - 4:50 pm)
I agree! Very eloquent! You could try "sliding in a graceful dance" instead of sliding in a graceful formation." Otherwise, LOVE it!!
(August 19, 2009 - 7:48 pm)
I like it. It really has a simple feeling, like rain. :)
(August 19, 2009 - 5:33 pm)
JFB, that was a beautiful poem!!!!!!!!! It makes me think (and see) of willowy elves dancing and swaying in the rain.
(August 20, 2009 - 7:55 am)
This is great!
(August 20, 2009 - 8:45 am)
That really was beautiful! It was very "flowy" and elegant. I love it!
(August 20, 2009 - 11:56 am)
Wow, that was beautiful.
(August 20, 2009 - 12:09 pm)
Ooh! I like it! :D I love poems like that. It's so pretty. Good job! :)
(August 20, 2009 - 4:57 pm)
Do you guys think it's too flowery? I always think my writing might be too flowery.
(August 23, 2009 - 3:56 pm)
I don't think so. :)
(August 26, 2009 - 5:14 pm)
Wow! That was great!!! I don't think it was too flowery or anything! It was sooo perfect! Now I'm jealous! :(
@ashley: There's a time and place to express your opinion. If you want to talk about the Jonas brothers *cringes* please go to one of the rant threads.
Anyhoo: That was sooo amazing and I wish I could write like that! *cries*
(August 28, 2009 - 7:12 pm)