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I was really
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I was really
I was really bored, so I decided to type up this poem I wrote in fifth grade. There was a poet who came to our classroom, and the topic was freedom. It's really strange-ish, so just give me credit that it rhymed and made an eensy bit of sense. :)
Freedom is like a small blue dove,
Caring and full of love
Freedom is like a great big snake,
Fierce with lots at stake.
Freedom is never very far,
like a short trip in the car.
To the freedom I think I'll go,
It's right on the tip of my toe.
Freedom is where our country is,
But sometimes you see it bubble and fizz.
When it fizzes, you know bad is near,
But you can fix it, that's what I hear.
So feel lucky that you have it,
And with hard work
And perseverance,
Others will too, in a little bit.
Yes, that was so terrible. I was terrible. *groans* *is ready for a long evaluation by Emily H.* *hopes it is not so bad it knocked readers unconscious*
submitted by Ema, age 12, NY
(November 20, 2009 - 9:28 pm)
(November 20, 2009 - 9:28 pm)
That actually reminds me of a poem I wrote in fourth grade of roughly the same quality. I still break into uncontrollable laughter every time I read it. Ah, early poetry, how I love thee! Ok, so yours is actually reasonably cohesive. Your dove/snake similies aren't bad at all. I'm not sure why the dove is blue, but hey. :D I'm also not sure why your toe has freedom on it... scientists should look into that. All right, the third stanza is pretty sad. It sounds like something from HP - "Try Weasly's Wizard Wheezes' new Fizzing Freedom Flippers! Totally fixable!" Yeah.... :D The other thing is that you rather contradict yourself - "Freedom is never very far / like a short trip in the car" and then in the last stanza you admit that it takes hard work to achieve freedom. Anywho, not bad for a fifth-grade attempt. :D
-EH
(November 21, 2009 - 11:01 am)
Let's bring this up to the top. :)
*is still hoping that CBers are alive*
(November 21, 2009 - 1:19 pm)
Heh, yeah! I bet if I re-wrote this, it'd sound much better, but I think I'll leave it as it is so everyone can laugh about how funny it is. That was two years ago, I think, so, yeah. *sheepish smile*
(November 22, 2009 - 7:02 pm)
Did I write like that in fifth grade? ...I think I did.
Joking. ;)
As Emily said, not awful for that age. :) I mean, I 'gree about the... blue doves... free toes... fizzing freedom... but still.
Yeah.
But really, my fifth grade poems are A LOT worse. Very... self-centered, world-hating, why-does-my-like-stink* type of thing. So compared to me, bravo. Three cheers for fizzing freedom. ;)
*I like to think I had my excuses for that, though.
(November 23, 2009 - 5:07 pm)
I honestly really like it. It is quite creative.
(November 23, 2009 - 7:00 pm)
I actually cried, I laughed so hard! Erm... No offense meant. Like many have said, it wasn't bad for 5th grade. Just... humorous.
;D
(November 23, 2009 - 7:07 pm)
Sounds like my writing when I was ten. I thought that poems ALWAYS had to rhyme. I didn't care if they didn't make sense. Jut like this poem that I wrote when I was 9 or 10: Hola, hola/Frankenchola. Those aren't even words! Better than my writing when I was ten. My writing was just... Ugh. I wrote a poem about a hungry horse who called someone on the phone once. That was one of my odd ones.
(November 23, 2009 - 7:40 pm)
I know, right? It's really funny... and weird. I think I also wrote a poem about ME! Actually, it was in the same week, now that I think about it. It was something like: I am a tornado raging through the fields/ I am silk, cool and calm and smooth/ I am a bunny, hopping through the grass. It reminds me of (now that I think of it) My Many Colored Days. It was a book I used to love when I was little.
Oh well. At least it rhymes. :) Whenever I read it, I burst out laughing. Both of them. :) I showed the freedom poem to my mom the other day for the first time in two years. She read it, then told me that it was good. I could tell she was just barely holding back her laughs. :)
(November 24, 2009 - 11:17 am)
@Meadow: The hungry horse on the phone sounds like something Shel Silverstein would write, I think I'll post a thread about him!
@Ema: Umm yeah, their right, blue doves and free toes are a little umm odd. No offense.
(November 24, 2009 - 11:25 am)
I really like Shel Silverstein! His book, The Giving Tree, was the book that made me like to read. I had two copy's but I gave one of them to my best friend. And the horse poem was written when I was eight, I think.
P.S. The wciiti tells me to type bobb
(November 24, 2009 - 6:07 pm)
I just wanted to say HI CHARLOTTE!
We're on at the same time and all... ;)
(November 24, 2009 - 11:31 am)
Free toes for everybody! :) LOL.
(November 24, 2009 - 5:36 pm)