This is a

Chatterbox: Inkwell

This is a

This is a short story I'm working on! (I didn't know where to post this, so I guess I am posting this as a thread) I would like some feedback (and honest opinions!) if that's okay. There might be a lot of spelling mistakes...

It was early morning in the bustling city, pigeons were searching for food on the streets, finding a discarded French fry from time to time. The wind rustled the leaves of the trees at a park, the sound of cars filed the ears of all who where near. The tall skyscrapers reach for the sky, but the clouds didn't reach back.

Back in the park, there was a oak, and on it, standing tall and proud, was a certain bird; it was hooded, steel-blue on its back, a white breast with black dots and barres, long thin feet with sharp claws. A peregrine falcon. It cocked it head, looking with its sharp eyesight to spot what it needed right now. It saw a flock of pigeons (its favorite food) and jumped off the branch, aiming for the sky high above. Once it circled over the trees it climbed higher. Up and up it went, nobody saw because nobody cared, up, up it went, now it looked like a speck in the vast blue, up, up it went, where no one could see it. The pigeons couldn't see it, but it could see them. As it circled, the pigeons took off, looking for food along the busy streets.

Now this was a special time for the falcon. 

The falcons like to attack airborne, this was a window of time it could not miss, the seconds were ticking by, but don't worry the falcon was already prepared. It had spotted its target, the slow pigeon behind the rest. 

And then it dropped.

It dropped out of the sky like a rock, no, too graceful and delicate to be a rock. It wasn't falling, because it was in control, this was on purpose. It's wings were not even tucked in all the way, it was being cautious. 20 miles per hour. It slowly eased into its dive. 40 miles per hour. It wings tucked in fully. 60 miles per hour. It was just a tear drop shape as it dived. 80 miles per hour. It relaxed a little, letting the wind take it. 100 miles per hour. It relaxed more. 140 miles per hour. It eased into the hands of the wind, letting go of control. 180 miles per hour. It was one with the wind. 240 miles per hour. Now, a little bit more and it would die, it was at its limit. The pigeons were coming fast. Now its wings spread a little, slowing down. Now closer to its prey, it flys forward.

With all its speed built up, it seized the pigeon, instantly knocking it out. The falcon lands on a branch. To make sure it's dead, the peregrine bites into the neck of the pigeon, digging for its spine. With its tomial tooth, a very sharp ridge on its beak, it snaps the pigeon's neck. As soon as it does this, it starts plucking the feathers off. Once it's done, it takes off the tree with the pigeon in its talons.

It flys above the buildings, until it spots a sandly colored apartment building. It circles that, deciding were to land. Finally it lands on a nest, with another falcon watching chicks. This falcon, the mother, see the other, the father, and chitters a welcome. The mother walks over to the father who is holding the pigeon, takes the pigeon and brings it over to her chicks who, at the sight of food, waddle over. They chip with glee. The mother pulls a bit of pigeon off, and feeds the first chick, then, doing the same thing, feeds the second chick, then the third, then the the fourth. 

They have four chicks, which is rare in raptor world, only the best parents can have four chicks, and only the lucky have them all alive.

submitted by Peregrine Falcon, age Fledgling, At the tree
(July 13, 2023 - 11:30 am)
submitted by top
(July 13, 2023 - 2:42 pm)
submitted by top
(July 13, 2023 - 2:44 pm)
submitted by top
(July 14, 2023 - 10:51 am)

Well, I'm planning to do a kind of a series thing, so next I will do Cooper's hawk and then gyrfalcon. I'll probably do an owl after that. Short-eared? Barn? Great grey? Still deciding! I might mix in a little song birds with all of these raptors.

submitted by Peregrine Falcon, age Fledgling, At the tree
(July 14, 2023 - 11:29 am)

(Ignoring all the spelling mistakes, and I think the switching tenses is part of that too, right?) this is really, REALLY good!! I love so much about it, but some things that jumped out to me were: when you said buildings reaching up to touch the clouds but the clouds not reaching back, that was interesting to think about, the descriptions of going up and up and up with nobody seeing because nobody cared, and the descriptions of diving (all the descriptions matched the speed perfectly without being too repetitive). And I read this whole thing with my critique brain on.

submitted by CelineBurning Bright, age As Needed, The FireMist Sea
(July 15, 2023 - 1:01 pm)

Thank you so much!! I put a lot of thought into this story, and you noticed all of the parts! This is kind of deep, and some people might not agree, but I said 'buildings reached up to the clouds but the clouds did not reach back' was supposed to mean, nature is disgusted with humans and there cities, especially with climate change and deforestation going on. I wrote that 'nobody saw because nobody care' because I have experienced many incidents were there was a hawk right above someone's head and they didn't notice. And incidents were people just don't care about birds. It's very saddening. I'm really glad you enjoyed this!

submitted by Peregrine Falcon, age Fledgling, At the tree
(July 15, 2023 - 4:01 pm)

Omiword! This is impressive! You said you were going to do more stories like this? Well, you should! I love the build up for the dive and the describing within the story! You sure know your raptors! Please do more! IT'S SO GOOD! And I absolutly love how the chicks are a rare number! The way you said "the tall skyscrapers reached for the sky, but the clouds didn't reach back", *chef's kiss*, LOVE IT!!! It sounds so poetical! You are very involved in the falcon's way of urban life and you should pursue this series you mentioned!

<333 Soooooo cool! 

submitted by Nyxie, age eons, smwhr
(July 22, 2023 - 8:45 am)

Oh thank you so much!!! I think I'm going to do a Cooper's hawk story as soon as possible.


submitted by Peregrine Falcon, age Fledgling, At the tree
(July 24, 2023 - 6:08 am)

Part 1

In a quiet neighborhood, a dragonfly flew, it flew by gardens of flowers, over sprinklers, past the, a little bit too loud, dogs. It flew towards a tree, past a squirrel scampering down the rough bark. And over a nest.

Something watched it, big black eyes, fluffy body, big feet. A Cooper's hawk nestling. It chirped angrily as tried to catch it, but failed. The little nestling was very bored, all it did was eat and sleep. It was waiting for its father to drop off something to eat. Its siblings were concentrated on the nearby tennis court. Whenever a player hit the ball, one chirped. The mother was perched on a branch not too far away from the nest. Watching her nestling well, like a hawk. 

The nestling was not a fan of tennis, too overrated, and instead was focused on catching the dragonfly, who keep zipping by, almost teasing it. Then, the nestling had an urge to flap its wings, it was haveing those urges a lot lately. Its wing feathers had almost fully grown in, and its younger siblings were jealous of the beautiful feathers. But its body was still white and fluffy. In a few days, all will change.

To be continued...

submitted by Peregrine Falcon , age Fledgling, At the tree
(July 24, 2023 - 6:36 am)

AWESOME!!! Please continue!!! :D

submitted by Nyxie
(July 31, 2023 - 7:38 am)

Thank you so much!! I've only shared my writing to my friends, and it seemed kind of scary sharing it the whole CB, so I'm really glad you like it!

submitted by Peregrine Falcon, age Fledgling, At the tree
(August 1, 2023 - 8:25 am)