Hi! I thought

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hi! I thought

Hi! I thought I'd post a bit by bit of a short story I wrote. (Not all at once because that would be really long) Feel free to give any constructive feedback or ideas! So, here's the start. Also, sorry if the font's weird, I copied and pasted it from somewhere else.

The Pine Campground


You are in a mini-van with your two younger siblings. There's Jane, the very stubborn nine-year-old and there’s also Ramona, who's six, and can be annoying sometimes, but is usually fun to be around. You are trying to ask your younger sisters to stop bickering about whose turn it was to play on the tablet. Just when you’re pretty sure you’re about to scream, your mom calls out, “Rest stop!” and you breathe a sigh of relief. 

Your sisters, video games forgotten, hop out with a soccer ball.

“Rosy, wanna play soccer with us?” six-year-old Ramona asks.

“Sure!” and you play with your sisters until Mom calls you to get back in the van.

After a couple more hours of driving your sisters have fallen fast asleep, and you know you are about to join them. But before you can, the van turns onto a dirt road, and that keeps you from sleeping for a couple of reasons. One is that the bumping is driving you nuts. The other is that the old van you’re riding in is notorious for breaking down on dirt roads. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes, the engine sputters to a stop. Mom sighs and hops out to try and fix it. You decide to stretch your legs, too, so you unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door. The amazing piny smell of the forest comes seeping into the van and you take a deep breath. Mmmmmm.

“I’m going on a quick walk,” you inform your Mom.

“Please hurry,” she answers. “I might need some help with the younger girls if they wake up.”

You walk on the side of the dirt road, not wanting to go deeper into a strange forest until you see a sign saying Lab Pine Campground. Then you notice that there are some faded letters after “Lab.” You hop on an old log beside the sign and peer at it, your nose practically touching the rough surface. Labyrinth! Labyrinth Pine Campground. That's a strange name, you think. You decide to start back towards the way you came from, throwing one last look at the sign before going back to the van. 

submitted by WildWolf, age 12, Where I live
(November 9, 2023 - 1:46 pm)

ooo mysterious~ It looks really good so far! I have no complaints :) I love your name, by the way.

submitted by Hawkstar
(November 10, 2023 - 2:29 pm)

Thanks! Yours is really cool too!


submitted by WildWolf, age 12, Somewhere
(November 10, 2023 - 9:16 pm)
submitted by I, person who posted, hereby top this thread
(November 10, 2023 - 2:29 pm)
submitted by TOPstar
(November 10, 2023 - 7:56 pm)

Here's some more of the story!

Your Mom greets you with a worried expression on her face. “Bad news,” she says.

“It turns out the van needs a mechanic.”

“Well, I have some good news.” You say, and tell your Mom about the campground that you found on your walk. Your Mom sighs. 

“Well, at least there’s somewhere to stay without having to walk five miles. I don’t know how I feel about camping in a campground that…” She scrolls on her phone, “technically doesn’t exist.” 

“Wait, what?” You say, and Mom hands you her phone. 

"This says there are no campgrounds called ‘Labyrinth Pine.’” She says.

You lie in your tent that night. This campground isn't that creepy, you tell yourself. There's just no record of it anywhere on the internet, there doesn't seem to be any other campers, and there's hardly any room for a tent between the hundreds- maybe even thousands- of scraggly pine trees. 

Great. That just made it way more creepy.

“Rose, I’m walking to the outhouse,” you hear Ramona whisper from the other side of the tent, where she’s putting on her shoes.

“You shouldn't go by yourself,” you say, but she’s already out of the tent. Should you follow her? You ask yourself. No, you decide, she knows where to go. She’ll be fine. You fall into a deep sleep and don't wake up until morning.

You awake suddenly to a pair of nine-year-old hands shaking you violently.

“Rosy! I can’t find Ramona!” You turn over, not realizing what she said for a second.

“Let me go back to sleep- wait, what?!” Immediately you’re wide awake.

“I think she’s lost!” You look up into Jane’s panicked face and a pang of guilt as sharp as an arrow shoots through you as you realize what must have happened. Ramona must have gotten lost in the winding paths of the labyrinth pine campground. Why did you let her go by herself? But it’s too late to stop her from going alone now.

submitted by WildWolf, age 12
(November 10, 2023 - 9:20 pm)

Ooh, interesting!  The second-person perspective is really compelling, I haven't read many stories that do that.

submitted by Sterling, age they/them, back from the grave
(November 11, 2023 - 7:27 pm)

Thanks! At first it was really hard to write with second person, but it started feeling more natural the farther into the story I got.

submitted by WildWolf, age 12
(November 12, 2023 - 12:02 am)


I'm picking up from where I left off so, if you want to know what has happened, just look at the previous posts. 


Your Mom wakes up even faster than you did when she finds out that Ramona is missing. She gets up and stuffs on her shoes without tying them and is out of the tent in a flash, pyjama pants and all. Then you have nothing to do but stare at her back as she goes to search, leaving you in charge.

“Stay here, I’ll be back soon.” 

Suddenly, everything is still. After the chaos a few seconds ago, it feels like the world has stopped spinning. Even the squirrels have stopped chattering. Yes, in those few moments, you feel completely helpless. But then, you know what to do.


You’re dragging Jane through the forest, speed-walking to the other side of the campground. 

“Where are we going?” Jane asks you.

“We have to go to the outhouse. We might find a clue to where Ramona is.”

“Oh, OK,” Jane says, “it’s just over there.” She points to a faded sign pointing down a path.

When you get to the outhouse, it seems like there’s nothing there. You and Jane spend a couple of minutes peering under bushes and behind trees. Suddenly, Jane yells.

“Look over here! I think I found her hat!” Jane pulls back a couple of branches of a pine tree and you notice a small pink hat hanging on a branch.

“Yes, you’re right!” You say and take a closer look. “Wait, what’s that?” You point behind the hat, to a little clearing behind the huge pine tree.

“Looks like a path,” Jane says and she goes down on her hands and knees and crawls under the branches. You follow her, and when you stand up, you are amazed.

“Welp, we found out how this campground got its name,” Jane says. The clearing is surrounded by seven or eight paths, and you can see that each and every one forks into two new paths heading off in separate directions.

submitted by WildWolf, age 12
(November 12, 2023 - 10:23 am)

Hello! This is the second-last section of my story. 


This is amazing.” You say but then realize something. “But we’ll never find Ramona now!”

"Yes we will," says Jane, but she doesn't seem very confident. You collapse on the dusty ground of the clearing. "Are you okay?" Jane asks you.

"How will we find Ramona?"

"I don't know," Jane says, "but we will. We have to. Let's go back to the campsite and think up a new plan." You walk out from under the branch and start back, but you realize Jane isn't with you.

"Jane?" you yell, immediately worried.

"Don't worry, I'm right here. Just checking something." She steps out from behind the tree. You walk back with Jane, unsure of what to do next. It would be impossible to find Ramona in the labyrinth of pine trees, right?

This time, it's you being pulled along by Jane, and she's talking to you in an excited voice.

"I think I know how to find Ramona. You know how Ramona has been reading a lot of fairy tales lately?"

"Yeah?” you say, confused.

"And you know how I stayed a little longer after you left the clearing?"

"Yeah," you say again.

"Well, I saw a line of stones going off into a path, and I didn't know what that was about before, but…”

"It's like Hansel and Gretel!" You cry. "I read it to Ramona on the road trip!" You start running and Jane does too, and you keep running all the way back to the little clearing.


submitted by WildWolf
(November 14, 2023 - 2:57 pm)


submitted by Moon Wolf, age lunaryears, A Celestial Sky
(November 15, 2023 - 12:31 am)

Top please! 

submitted by Top
(November 14, 2023 - 2:53 pm)

Top top top top top please

please please please please top 

submitted by Top
(November 14, 2023 - 10:38 pm)

Here is the last section of my story. 

You follow the path of stones Ramona left for a surprisingly long time. The sun is high in the sky. Then, you come to another clearing, probably the centre of the huge maze.

"She's not here," you say, ready to collapse on the ground with worry. 

“This way,” Jane says, dragging you off the path.

“Rosy?” A little sister's voice calls out, but this time not Jane's. “Rosy, is that you?”

“Ramona!” You cry and fling yourself toward the voice. “Where are you?”

“I’m right here, I got trapped by this log,” Ramona answers, her voice shaking.


“What?” You’re half crying-half laughing as you notice that there’s a log holding down her arm. You pull it off and then hug her, so relieved that she’s there, in your arms, safe. You could stay there forever, but now Jane is hugging her too and you let go.

“Are you ok?” You ask.

“No, I'm not." She’s crying, and you look her up and down. Besides a skinned knee and a couple of scratches on her arms from the sharp tree branches, she doesn't seem injured.

You’re sitting at a picnic table with Jane, Ramona, and Mom. It’s the day after Ramona’s crazy adventure.

“Ramona,” your Mom says, “I’ve been wondering. Why didn’t you come straight back from the outhouse?”

“I saw a rabbit,” Ramona replies simply. You and Jane groan.

“All that, because of a rabbit?” You say.

“Thank Goodness the mechanic came earlier than we thought he would,” Mom says.

“My water bottle’s empty. I’m going to go fill it up at the pump,” Jane says. You look up, alarmed. “I’m coming with you!”


I hope you enjoyed it! And if you want, (no pressure) post any feedback, ideas, etc. I might use this thread for more stories in the future, too. 

submitted by WildWolf
(November 15, 2023 - 6:08 pm)

Wow! This is a lovely story. I just read the whole thing and it was very clever! I especially like the description in the second part you posted. 

If you want constructive criticism, I think the story might work a little better if you practice "show don't tell." At the beginning of the story, you introduce Jane and Ramona and immediately tell us how old they are and what their personalities are like. Instead of telling us Jane's stubborn right away, perhaps you could show her being stubborn throughout the story. Things like that.
I hope you post more stories soon! K
submitted by Periwinkle, age Pi, Somewhere in the stars
(November 18, 2023 - 8:28 am)

Thanks for the feedback! That's definitely something I need to work on in my writing in general, lol.

Here's a poem about fall that I wrote recently:


I swing gently in the hammock.

Above me, blue sky winks through the nearly bare branches.

Below me, crisp leaves scatter with every puff.

The cool breeze plays with the tips of my hair,

land the warm sun smiles down on my face,

creating a balance only nature can make. 

Trees whisper, letting leaves float to the earth.

Autumn is welcoming me.  

submitted by WildWolf
(November 20, 2023 - 11:20 am)