I wrote this

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I wrote this

I wrote this piece for speech, I am in the category Great Speeches. By writing this I need to convince my audience that this speech is great and important.

(Sorry for the length)

 

National parks affect Americans all over the country. The parks inspire, excite, occupy, and spark people’s interest. When they were new to America, parks also sparked the interest Theodore Roosevelt. When the president was on a National Tour he arrived in Yellowstone to enjoy the nature and give a speech to his people. He spoke at the laying of the cornerstone of the arch that welcomes people into Yellowstone to this day.

Let’s take a look at the past. Before the creation of this park, as President Roosevelt points out in his speech, “It is the preservation of the scenery, of the forests, of the wilderness life and the wilderness game for the people as a whole instead of leaving the enjoyment thereof to be confined to the very rich who can control private preserves.” Before the creation of national parks, the very rich were buying private preserves and keeping the land to themselves.

People didn’t want that to happen again, such as when in 1960 every overlook to Niagara Falls was owned by private owners often demanding a fee from tourists to view the falls. The people decided that national parks were important to keep the beauty of America accessible and safe for viewing and enjoyment by everyone.

During Manifest Destiny people threatened to use up the land for their own benefit, not caring what they destroyed in the process. People didn’t like that so they decided to do something about it; they decided to lay aside land to protect. They started with Yosemite Valley and passed a bill to let it become a park belonging to California, therefore a state park.

More and more land was being taken up and explored. Many people were hearing about a place called Colter's Hell after John Colter discovered what is now Yellowstone. The people didn’t believe the stories he told about his trip, but after others went there the U.S. sent professionals to explore.

Eventually Ulysses S. Grant signed a bill to create Yellowstone National Park. By making it a national park all people of America could take care of it and take pride in it.

On April 24th 1903 Theodore Roosevelt spoke at the laying of the laying of the cornerstone of the arch leading into Yellowstone. He spoke of the beauties of the park, and praised the park supervisors of their uptake of it. He also made it known that
he wished for more people who lived far off to appreciate it.

At that time the majority of people visiting the park were rich, because they were the only ones who could afford the train fare for the ride up there, and the expense of staying at a hotel in the park.

Now many people can enjoy national parks weather they are rich or not. Many Americans today still enjoy visiting national parks and take pride in them. Today there are many parks available to visit all over America. Much land has been laid aside to be protected from the modern trend of Americans; to use the land for their own benefits.

Theodore Roosevelt’s speech was important for the future of the parks because he inspired people. He inspired people to love and appreciate the fact that America has something that is unique in the world. If you have something that is rare, and only you have it you want to protect it. That was what it was like for the national parks. America has something that is rare in the world, so America should want to protect, cherish, and take pride in it.

While other countries have their grand buildings, palaces, and gardens America has its National Parks. By protecting creating parks we are creating memories for people who visit the parks, protection for the wilderness, and preserves for the wildlife.

Roosevelt said, “This Park is to be preserved as a beautiful natural playground,” and it is just that. In the national parks regular people can stand by the rich and enjoy the same thing. The parks create memories to be passed on from generation to generation. The parks also inspire national pride in people.

Theodore Inspired and pushed along the idea of national parks. Theodore loved nature and wanted to protect it, so he convinced those around him to do the same thing. In his speech he said, “ I cannot too often repeat that the essential features of the present management of the Yellowstone Park, as in all similar places, is its essential democracy--it is the preservation of the scenery, of the forests, of the wilderness life and the wilderness game for the people.”

Eventually even more land was set aside to be made into national parks; people enjoyed the land and took pride in what America could experience as a whole. The parks created unforgettable memories for people to pass on to other generations.

When the parks were created the people who struggled to preserve them, such as Theodore Roosevelt, influenced those who visited the parks.

When people visit parks they feel at home, they feel as if they were a part of what is being preserved. President Roosevelt said that we should leave what nature has done as it is and that we should not change it. The parks create unforgettable moments as they are, when visiting parks we have memories to enjoy, remember, and treasure forever.

“The Yellowstone Park is something absolutely unique in the world so far as I know,” said Roosevelt. The parks sparked national pride in the people of America. The people enjoyed viewing and experiencing the nature that belonged to America, and so essentially belonged to them.

By giving this speech Theodore Roosevelt convinced people that the parks were important to America, and that we should continue to preserve parts of America’s land. By creating parks America has preserved a legacy that can be passed on from generation to generation and can be enjoyed equally by all.

 

So, what do you think?

Comments?

submitted by Nighthawk, age 13
(December 30, 2009 - 12:18 pm)

I'm terribly sorry this has taken me so long to get to. I think all the junk at the top rather scares us off. Anywho, here goes. 

 

1) Forgive me, but your intro is really boring. It sounds like a history book. You don't want to sound like you're reading out of an ancient tome here. I like ancient tomes, but most people don't. I'm talking about just the first paragraph here. Make it actually interesting. Could you say that in semi-normal conversation? No. At least I hope not. :D All right, so it's not that very bad. Make it interesting, if you can. Opening with trivia or a quote is always good. I am terrible at openings, though, so I'm not the best person to advise you on this topic.

 

2) "In 1960 every overlook to Niagara Falls was owned by private owners often demanding a fee from tourists to view the falls." Fascinating - I didn't know that. This is the kind of thing you should start with, cause now I'm interested in what you have to say.

 

3) "At that time the majority of people visiting the park were rich, because they were the only ones who could afford the train fare for the ride up there, and the expense of staying at a hotel in the park. Now many people can enjoy national parks weather they are rich or not." A few things with this: a) I would like to see a little bit of how that change came about, b) "weather" should be "whether," but I guess this doesn't matter if this is a speech, and c) your wording says that whether or not the parks are rich, people can visit them. You need to reword this so that is says that it's the financial condition of the people that doesn't matter.

 

4) "If you have something that is rare, and only you have it, you want to protect it. That was what it was like for the national parks. America has something that is rare in the world, so America should want to protect, cherish, and take pride in it. While other countries have their grand buildings, palaces, and gardens America has its National Parks. By protecting creating parks we are creating memories for people who visit the parks, protection for the wilderness, and preserves for the wildlife."

This section has good content, but it has problems with the technicalities. "If you have something that is rare, and only you have it," is redundant. The fact that it is rare and that only you have it rather overlap. One of them needs to come out. I would remove "and only you have it." 

"That was what it was like for the national parks." This bit is just poorly written. It needs to be something like "That was the case with the creation of the national parks." Do you see the difference there?

"America has its National Parks." Two things with this clause: a) countries are referred to as females. America has her National Parks, and b) you haven't so much capitalized national parks before. I would check through the whole speech for both of these - they may be other places as well. 

I do like the content of these paragraphs, though. Well done with that. 

 

5) "Regular people can stand by the rich." I would not use "regular" here. Middle-class, poor, etc., but not regular. It just doesn't feel right. 

 

6) Theodore Roosevelt lost seven brownie points in my opinion when he said "absolutely unique," but there's nothing you can do about that. Unique should never be modified by an adverb. Either it's unique or it's not. THINGS ARE NOT ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE!

 

Forgive me. Pet peeve of mine. 

 

Well done overall, I think. For a speech that long, six things from me is pretty small. :P And one of them wasn't your fault. Let us know how you do, 'k?

 

Cheers,

lav

 

 

submitted by lavendershy, age 14 , Sparks, NV
(January 2, 2010 - 1:09 pm)

Thanks!

I am not going to actually give the speech for a while yet, but when I do I will inform you of how I did.

submitted by Nighthawk, age 13
(January 2, 2010 - 9:44 pm)

De nada. And I hope you do well - I'm sure we all do.

 

Cheers,

lav 

submitted by lavendershy, age 14, Sparks, NV
(January 3, 2010 - 5:04 pm)