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A shadow, separate
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A shadow, separate
A shadow, separate from any object, lifted effortlessly up a castle wall, seeming to glide over the rough-hewn stone. Upon coming to a window, the shadow paused, as if considering its position, then disappeared into the opening.
A guard, carrying a naked blade in one hand, paced a castle corridor. The flames of torches on the walls gave the only light, which flickered as the flame shivered. Unbeknownst to the guard, a shadow slipped through the barred window at his bakc, which had been previously thought to be too small to allow any potential threat through. The shadow, in the flickering light of the torches, was revealed to be a child-sized humanoid figure, wearing a hooded cloak; the cowl of which hid from sight the figure's face. Easing through the shadowy areas barely touched by torchlight, the figure slipped into the guard's own shadow, merging into it seamlessly. In all appearances, the only one in the corridor was a guard doing his rounds. The slight scuffle of padded feet on stone alerted the guard to the intruder. He spun around, calling out, "Who goes there?" Sweeping over the hiding place of teh cloaked figure, the guard saw a seemingly empty corridor behind him. Not lowering his guard, the watchman again called out, "Who goes there?" And this time there was an answer. Rising out from his own shadow a cloaked and hooded figure appeared, a dagger held expertly in its gloved hands. "It is I," replied the figure, a voice issuing from under the cowl, seeming slightly amused at this challenge, " the Shadow, Bringer of the Final Sleep." And with that, the figure leapt onto the guard, knocking him sprawling. And with a hand over the guard's mouth to prevent a cry, plunged his knige into the sentry's heart.
So, what d'you all think? I'd love suggestions and critique.
submitted by Hummingbird
(January 26, 2010 - 2:22 pm)
(January 26, 2010 - 2:22 pm)
Good. Morbid. Liked it.
(January 27, 2010 - 4:16 pm)
I'm glad you like it. More on the way. Any suggestions or critique very welcome!
(January 28, 2010 - 12:56 pm)
Very nice. I like your writing style, especially your choice of words. It does seem reminiscent of Peter and the Shadow Thieves, though...
(January 28, 2010 - 6:30 pm)
I though of that, but I can't keep a idea back, even if it sounds like someone else's writing.
(January 28, 2010 - 9:05 pm)
I like it! Although, it seems a touch like my NaNoWriMo, with the shadows... but my shadows are... (((creepy))). But I really like it! :D :D :D
(January 29, 2010 - 3:25 pm)
:) :) Liked it! As Katie said, morbid. Fast paced, but nice. I liked the darkness portrayed in just a short amount of writing. Awesome!
~Leaf
(January 30, 2010 - 12:41 pm)
I've written another part, here goes:
Awakened from their sleep, the prince and princess sleepily questioned their manservant, Barton.
"No time to explain, lambs," Barton replied hurriedly. "Just be dears and get dressed, we must leave the palace at once."
"But why?" the children asked him over and over.
"Not now lambs," he replied as they hurriedly dressed and--sensing that they might not return--Prince Limeran grabbed his dagger, and Princess Carmella her comb. "Quickly now," Barton said, and they slipped thorugh the doorway of their chambers and down the corridor. They had to walk swiftly to keep up with Barton's quick gait, and they reached the servant's quarters, Barton's destination, quite quickly. Barton peered around the door before beckoning the children inside and leading them to the oppoite wall. "Thank goodness, your great grandfather built this," he muttered to the children, as he pushed aside a tapestry, and pushed a particularly large stone block. It slid aside easily to reveal a tunnel leading off into the gloom. "Up you go, lambs," Barton said, and liften the children into the tunnel. And, as he climbed in himself, he pushed to stone back into place, plunging them into total darkness.
The children crawled forwar through the passage, urged on by Barton. Just as they were begining to feel that their strength was in the wane, they came to the end of the tunnel, and pushing aside the stone covering the exit, they found themselves just outside the castle walls.
"Quick, children," Barton urged, "follow me, and stay in the shadows." They skirted along the castle wall, and came to a carriage. The children got inside, and Barton whipped up the horses.
As they sped down the road, a cloaked figure watched the carriage from the bedroom window of the king. "Run well, children," the figure said, "I shall enjoy hunting you. And when I find you, you shall join your father." Turning, and walking to the door, the assassin turned once more, glancing back at the room, and with a soft chuckle he put the king's gold ring into his pocket. The Lord of Twelve Kingdoms was dead.
So, do you guys like it? Like I said before, all suggestions and critique welcome.
(January 30, 2010 - 4:12 pm)
Hello out there? Any thoughts?
(February 3, 2010 - 6:44 pm)
If anyone reads this, please give critique and suggestions.
On a dark stretch of road two men waited, sitting astride their horses at ease. A carriage came thundering down the track , and stopped before them. The driver called softly down to them ,”The king is dead, I ask you to fulfill your duty.”
The prince and princess heard Barton call out to the two men they saw through the carriage window, and gasped. Father, dead! Limeran and Carmella hugged each other, as everything became clear. Outside, they could hear Barton saying, “-killed a guard and came down the passage. I always came to the king’s room early in the morning to change the torches in his corridor and see to any needs he might have. He was often awake in the morning’s reading. From around the corner, I heard a struggle as the assassin took down the king’s personal guards. They will be missed, they were brave men. In the event of an attack upon his person, the king told me to take care of the children and spoke to me of you. I sent a messenger I trust on a fast horse to a place he said had been arranged. Can you take care of the children?”
(February 9, 2010 - 6:00 pm)
HELLO OUT THERE!
(February 10, 2010 - 1:52 pm)