Hi!!! Sorry i

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Hi!!! Sorry i

Hi!!! Sorry i haven't posted for a while, I just couldn't find the time. Anyway, here's part of a  story i wrote, tell me what you think:

"WATCH OUT!" I screamed. A cascade of pots had just about fallen on my sister's head. "Don't touch anything, please."

"Sorry Kat," Mila answered, "but I thought that we were going to be cooking. I didn't think that you were going to pull off this 'hold my hand to stay safe' thing."

"Be quiet. It's not like I wanted to enter this stupid cooking contest either. And, just my luck, you entered both of us," I said gruffly.

"Kat, you know I entered us as an April Fool's joke. I didn't think that they would take a 12- and a 15-year-old seriously in an advanced cooking contest." Mila gave me her innocent eyes.

"Yeah, and it really helps that we've never made a succesful dish in our lives!" I grumbled.

Hi, I'm Kat, Mila's older sister. By the way, my real name is Katrina. This story is about when Mila "accidentally" entered us in a cooking contest. I didn't want to go, but the prize was $200. That was hard to pass up. It was quite the experience, trust me. First, we had to make an Italian main dish. Of course I, being the older sister, decided what we would make. A simple spaghetti and red marinara sauce topped with cheese.  Except with Mila around it didn't turn out to be so simple... to be continued

Copyright Eva B. 2008

submitted by Eva B., age 12, Mars
(November 28, 2008 - 7:25 pm)

Good to hear from you!  Your first post that you did made you sound really fun, so I was sad when I didn't hear from you again...  The story sounds good, so far!  Will we be hearing more?????!?

submitted by Paige P., age 12, Gorham, Maine
(November 29, 2008 - 6:09 pm)

That's a good story, Eva!! :) And it has an interesting subject!

Cool Laughing Smile Smile

submitted by Maddy, age fourteen
(December 2, 2008 - 9:06 pm)

I like the story. Smile

Are you going to post the next part?

P.S. Do you have internet on Mars?

submitted by Blair, age 10, Oregon
(December 2, 2008 - 10:57 pm)

I don't really think you should have the Hi! I'm...etc. If you are speaking in first person, it's a little awkward when you go into what's happened like that. It's a little too direct. Here's an idea:

I scowled at her. I couldn't believe it when Mila went up to me the other day and announced in the most gleeful voice you could imagine, "Guess what, Katrina? I entered us in a cooking contest and," she paused for a dramatic conclusion, "we're in! So, what do you think?"

Of course, I was completley aghast. We have never cooked anything in our lives. Now we have to make a gourmet Italian main course dish! Well, the prize is $200...Kind of hard to pass up. So, (from here, you can use your last three sentences, which I thought were a really good way to bring the character into the predicament.)

submitted by Kira E., age 12, Encinitas/San D
(January 2, 2009 - 7:19 pm)