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Critique this poem
Chatterbox: Inkwell
Critique this poem
Critique this poem for me?
Wrote it today in AP English. We had a poetry guy there. Hence, uh, poetry.
Yeah.
*
Heavy velvet folds,
Dropped, promise a future,
Betray no secrets
Thick shroud lifts, reveals
A dead world, unmoving, false
Insubstantial place
A ghost enters, glides
Forward through expectant gloom
Halting at world’s edge
Lights come up, give life
To fleeting fragile sets, and
Obscure reality
Lives resume their pace
Defined by colour and light
By noise and chaos
This world, beautiful
Expands, becomes a truth which
Never truly dies
*
Mmmyep. (Haikus are fun.)
submitted by TNÖ, age 17, Deep Space
(October 27, 2010 - 10:43 pm)
(October 27, 2010 - 10:43 pm)
That is really cool! :) I love haikus too.
(October 29, 2010 - 7:27 pm)
I actually started out trying for cinquains (5 lines, 2/4/6/8/2) and failed miserably. So, haikus. *shrug*
(Top maybe perhaps?)
(October 30, 2010 - 11:05 pm)
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It's pretty good, actually. Would anyone do mine?
My mood can be a roaring ocean
Enraged and furious
Thundering waves
Crash against everything in sight
But the tides of my mood turn swiftly
Then my mind is a still lake
Rustling whispers and gentle breezes
Peaceful and still
Everything a calm melody
When I am sad
It is a small pond
Lonely and forlorn
Gloomy and abandoned
When I am happy
It is the first spring rain
Refreshing and renewing
Full of joy
Washing everything clean
So I can start again
(November 1, 2010 - 9:33 am)
Both poems are AMAZING. =) I love the imagery you both use, it makes you feel like you're really there, where the poem is occuring. It's really beautiful.
(November 4, 2010 - 12:23 pm)
It's good. I like Haikus too :)
Leaves falling gently
from dark wooden tree branches
to land on the ground
did that for school. Spamboy says iiab. Uhhh....
(November 5, 2010 - 10:40 pm)