Okay, generally I really like this. The premise is interesting, and I'm curious to whether the new cyborg/robot's name is significant in any way (i.e., whether her creation will turn out to be a GIGANTIC mistake and bring destruction upon the world at large, that sort of thing).

I think the beginning is a bit choppy; maybe you could go more into detail about the situation at the hospital and/or Edelian's memories of the... car crash? Perhaps clarify a little because I'm a bit confused as to whether Edelian was in the car/driving at the time of the accident or whether he had a hand in designing them or the sky lane and was just feeling guilty as a result of that.

Keep in mind the disadvantages of some of the cyborg-y superpowers that you've given Pandora. Super-sensitive nerve endings, for example, could potentially lead to hypersensitivity issues (extreme pain from normal contact), while having hearing that sensitive would lead to major sensory overload problems and/or extreme, possibly debilitating pain from loud noises (consider how much it hurts to have, say, an airhorn go off in your vicinity, then multiply that by five). 

Definitely keep writing, it's very good so far.

*poke*

Thanks, TNO! :) I'll look into making the accident part more specific, I never even thought about that! Would you like me to post chapter one so you can look over that, too?

I'm just going to post the first chapter 'cause i'm bored.

Chapter One 

Date: 04-01-2184

“Next!” called the man in the booth. The line in front of me moved ever so slightly forward. Even though I had forged the card as good as possible, I was scared that they would figure me out. The floating city Atlantis 84 was finally ready, named for what it was-a city of survivors-and the year it was done; and Uncle was bringing everyone on. There were strict rules, one of them being: “No robots allowed.” If Uncle found me trying to sneak in he would be furious. Ever since I ran away he’s hated me. He thinks that something happened during my transition from human to robot that messed with my brain. My running away was because of his showing me off to the government as if I was a simple science project; but he’s too stupid to realize that. If he saw me in Atlantis 84 I would be shut down and left for the A.M.O.s to find. 

I shuddered as I thought about those horrible things. A.M.O. stood for Androids used for Military Objectives. I had only seen them in action one time, and that was before they had gone nuts and started going on killing sprees. They were supposed to be the ultimate war machines, and lots of people had worked on creating them. Uncle had helped design them, as well. Then someone sabotaged the Mother Computer System that kept them under control. They went haywire and started attacking cities, and no one could stop them. Not even Uncle could fix the Mother CS. The government ordered Uncle and the other scientists to build Atlantis 84 for everyone to escape in. Everyone who could make it here before it launched could get in without any trouble. Except me. The human-robot-creature-cyborg-thing. 

“Next!” the man called again. I moved toward the front of the line and saw a small group of teenagers standing next to the Eastern Gate. There were four of them, two girls and two boys. One of the girls, with bright purple hair, looked around warily and pulled a cigarette out of her pocket. I gasped. Smoking had been banned nearly thirty years ago! She nudged one of the boys and offered one to him, but he shook his head.

The girl shrugged and put it in her mouth. She pulled out a lighter and lit the cigarette. The other girl shook her head at Purple Hair, probably disappointed that her friend would do something like that. The second girl had on a tie-dye T-shirt and was wearing ripped up jeans, and she had a blue and red striped headband over her sandy-brown hair. She looked like a hippie from the 2000‘s. Her skin wasn’t really light, but it wasn’t really dark, either. The two boys, however, both had really dark skin and hair, and they looked almost identical except for two things. First, one looked older by a couple of years. He was taller and looked more mature. Second, the younger one had a huge, prominent scar on his arm. They wore short sleeved black T-shirts and khaki pants. Purple Hair wore black jeans, and her jacket had a heart with a dagger through it on the front.

Then the Purple Hair noticed me watching her and hastily threw the cigarette away. She turned to talk to Hippie, and I tuned the microphones in my ears to listen. I wasn’t trying to be nosy or anything. I was just curious (and bored out of my mechanical mind).

“She saw me smoking. Think she’ll tell?” Purple Hair was saying. Hippie let out a small snort, like the possibility amused her, and she said,

“I don’t know. It would serve you right to get caught, anyway.”

“Hmph.” said Purple Hair. She turned to the younger of the two boys. “Aron, you ever seen that girl over there, with the long braid?”

Aron looked over at me. It was a long distance, and I didn’t think he could see clearly from that far. I was right. 

“I dunno. Can’t tell who it is from here, so she probably couldn’t even see what your cigarette was from that far away.” Aron said, still straining to see me clearly. ‘Think again.’ I thought as I stepped forward with the line in front of me. “You ever seen this girl, Zalin?” He asked the older boy.

“Nope.” Zalin said, also trying to get a good look at me. “Lay off, Zoe. She ain’t gonna tell, whoever she is.” 

“Hmph.” Zoe said again, but she looked away, so I guess she was satisfied with his answer. I moved forward again, tuning out as they lost interest in me and picked up a conversation about Hippie’s favorite store.

“Next!” 

‘Doesn’t that guy’s voice get tired after so much yelling?’ I thought, walking one more baby step towards the front of the long line. The woman in front of me left to get into a shorter line nearby, and for a moment I thought about following her. Then I realized how close I was to the front.

“Next!” the ID man called for about the billionth time that day. I moved up again, only the third one in line now. I pulled out my ID that I had made the night before. I waited a few more minutes. Then, finally, it was my turn. I gave the ID card to the man in the booth. He made a scan of it with his hand-held scanner, then he gave me the card back. He told me to look for someone named Kam when I got into the city. I nodded, then practically ran up the ramp that led to my new life; aboard Atlantis 84.