I had this

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I had this

I had this great idea for a story, but I couldn't get past the ideas. Here it is. Either give me feedback, continue it, give advice, whatever.

Lab Rat

Crissa has everything you could want. Could possibly dream of. Yet she has no one. She is all alone, her private world.

Cris has only the necicitys. Every day is a struggle. But he has friends, people loving him, surrounding him.

Latta Hec is your typical geek. She was raised the same as you or me. Her father is a scientist who is never there.

As their world as they knew it starts to fall apart, they are forced to turn against everything they knew, and everyone they thought they trusted. They find out that their whole lives might just have been a ...

Lab Rat

Have fun with it.

submitted by Claire S., age MO, 12
(August 30, 2011 - 6:12 pm)

That sounds awesome! But it's necessities not necicitys. *has problems* *has to go to bed in 1 minute* Please continue!

submitted by Olive
(August 30, 2011 - 9:59 pm)

I am a horrible speller. Yah. The thing that gets me is how I should write the girl's part. Did she know how to talk when they put her in there? Did she listen to recordings? ME thinks that she can talk/write, but not well. Here is the very beginning.

Today I ask for one thing only. To leave. It didn't happen. Why? But I must trust Them. They are good. They are nice. My tris (tears, the recordings were messed up, so she heard tris.) fall down my facke (face) when it no happens. I tried to watch T.V, but it taunted me all much. Goodnight. To... Is there relly anione? ( sp intentional) The sun is come down.

 

I think the boy and the girl are brother and sister. And I think the normal girl is going to like the boy.

Maybe I'll write more later. I found this thread on like, 53.

TOPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!1

submitted by Claire S., age 12, MO
(September 2, 2011 - 5:16 pm)

Cris

He drank his water, and rolled his eyes as Blake, his best friend, watched his every move. Blake was more of a fan, then a friend. BUt so was evryone. He ate his bread, and watched evrybody else finish theirs. They went to sleep crowded around him. It was chilly that night and he couldn't fall asleep. He waited until every body fell asleep. Then he creeped past every one. The land was a wasteland that went on forever. He had tried going out once, but it just looked the same. He sighed. He had a hundred people who all were wanting to be his best friend. He had food. Very little, but it was there. Why did he need anything else? He was loved, norished, and alive. He looked at the blank landscape. Every thing was normal. But... There was a small peice of.. something.. floating arond. Finally, something! He ran after it, and grabbed it. Cris clutched it, almost afraid. But his need for somethingnew won. He unfolded the paper. It began,

"Today I ask for one thing only. To leave. It didn't happen. Why? But I must trust Them. They are good. They are nice. My tris (tears, the recordings were messed up, so she heard tris.) fall down my facke (face) when it no happens. I tried to watch T.V, but it taunted me all much. Goodnight. To... Is there relly anione? ( sp intentional) The sun is come down."

He puzzled over it. No one had this material. That must mean there was someone else out there. He practically wanted to scream. He ran back over to Blake. He started to shake Blake up, but he stopped. His hand fell to his side. No one was intrested about were the food came from, what was out there. He tucked the sheet into his shirt and fell asleep, waiting for another rutione day. The sun would rise at the exact same time. They would wake at the exact same time, eat, everything. But with that small peice of paper he held, a new meaning would come to life.

submitted by Claire S., age 12, Mo
(September 3, 2011 - 3:11 pm)

I really like this. :)

submitted by Kim A.
(September 3, 2011 - 8:35 pm)

This sounds really good! I kind of thought about something like this before, but I never considered making it into a story. I just think you should be careful about how Crissa misspells her words so it's not too hard for the reader to figure out. That way, you won't have to add the little notes beside them. Please continue, I'm really interested!

submitted by Alexandra, age XII, Never Land
(September 3, 2011 - 6:38 pm)