I have sort

Chatterbox: Inkwell

I have sort

I have sort of an odd question.

One of my various ongoing writing projects involves a fairly young character experiencing a crush/infatuation for the first time and I'm attempting to describe it from her point of view.

Only...

I've never actually had a crush beyond sentiments of "I'd like to lock them in my basement and make them sing for me", so... I don't actually know what they feel like. And the Internet has been infuriatingly unhelpful in this regard, and the best my roommate could offer was warm fuzzy happy feelings when they look at you, which doesn't help very much.

So I turn to you, dear fellow CBers who (a) pursue writing projects and (b) have actually experienced infatuation.

SO!

Have you had a crush and if so, what did it feel like? Emotional detail is good, so is anonymity if you so choose.

Pretty please? *bambi eyes* 

 

I think ''warm fuzzy happy feelings when he looks at you" is pretty accurate. Maybe add "butterflies in the stomach." Shortness of breath, blushing when you see the person. Unable to put together a coherent sentence to speak to him. Looking deep into his eyes. Thinking about him much of the time, especially in quiet moments like lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night. Fantasizing about time together.

 

Hope this helps.

submitted by TNÖ, age 18, Deep Space
(December 3, 2011 - 5:41 am)

What your roomate and the Admin said is pretty accurate. For me anyway. :)

I'm sort of crushing on this guy right now, as are two of my friends, so I have a pretty good idea of what happens for three different people. (completely different people)

I do get warm, fuzzy, happy feelings when he looks at me. And talks to me. And I'm normally a bit too shy to look into his eyes when he does. But I normally don't talk to him, I talk to his friends, who are a lot more... talk-able-to.

One of my friends on the other hand, has a crush on this boy who probably doesn't even know she exists. Well, we've talked to him before, but he probably doesn't know her name or anything. If my friend, let's call her Riri, bumps into The Boy she gets all excited. She's too shy to talk to him though and, anyways, we normally don't just walk up to random people and start talking to them. But this boy, Lars, is friend with The Boy, and Lars likes to bother Riri, so we use that as an excuse to talk to The Boy. It has worked about three times out of five. Riri didn't talk to The Boy that much though.

Now my other friend, Cissy, has a crush on Another Boy. Another Boy hates her though, or at least thinks she's ugly or something, because he's just that shallow. -_- But before Another Boy hated her, he just didn't know she existed. Cissy knows where his locker is, his locker combination, what class he's in, and gets really, really, REALLY excited if he just bumps into her (we have really small hallways) or looks at her.

Hope this helps! :) 

submitted by Olive
(December 3, 2011 - 12:48 pm)

A bit, yes.

*cue senseless ramblings and interrogations because I do not understand*

So with a crush, basically, you develop a liking for/fixation on one specific person, for no apparent reason, with accompanying desire/fantasies for romantic intimacy, and also a complete inability to behave like a normal person when you're around the target, right? Which makes no sense as a mechanism for forging new relationships! It's self defeating!

I've had the odd squish, myself, but that always manifests itself in more of a you're-cool-let's-be-friends kind of way and never happens until after the target and I are already sitting the fence between "acquaintence" and "casual friend" anyway. [The sole exception to this is Bernadette Peters, because that's completely irrational and I fully acknowledge that and let's move on]. There certainly aren't any butterflies or fantasies or excess nerves or anything, it's just... explicitly wanting to be friends with someone instead of passively letting it happen. And it works, my two best friends were both [and still are] squishes of mine. 

Whereas crushes just seem... well, self-defeating. What is the point of fixating on someone if you literally cannot speak to them without feeling all... fluttery?! 

Though I've heard it's exhilerating. Is it?

Also, in the event that you actually manage to surpass the can't-speak-to-them stage and enter into a relationship (romantic or otherwise), how long does it take the crush-feelings to fade, generally? I've heard everything from two weeks to a year? What happens if you are in a romantic relationship and no longer crushing on the person, et cetera?

Also also, these warm fuzzies... do they actually feel like warm fuzzies, and if so where are they located? Or are they more of an intellectual rationalization of generalized happiness triggered by interactions with the crushee?

Um. Yes.

...sorry for being all GRAH TELL ME MORE at you, I just... honestly do not understand this at all. 

 

 

submitted by TNÖ, age 18, Deep Space
(December 3, 2011 - 6:11 pm)

Let's see if I post this in understandable words while watching/listening to Darker Than Black (my new obssession) that is playing in the other tab. ;)

 

"So with a crush, basically, you develop a liking for/fixation on one specific person, for no apparent reason, with accompanying desire/fantasies for romantic intimacy, and also a complete inability to behave like a normal person when you're around the target, right?"

Well, some people crush on other people just because of their looks. Other times, it's because they have a nice personality or other attractive traits (i.e. intelligence, selflessness, funniness).

re: complete inability to behave like a normal person: Some people crush on friends they've known for years and act normally. Others act like total flirts. Some just lay on the compliments. There's this one guy who had a crush on me (I found out on my last day at the school though) and he acted normally. He was a bit more friendly, in a good way, but that's about it. And some people act THE EXACT SAME as before they had a crush. Maybe because they're embarassed or their crush is off-limits (i.e. a friends boyfriend/girlfriend/crush/and yes people do date in grade 7)

"What is the point of fixating on someone if you literally cannot speak to them without feeling all... fluttery?! Though I've heard it's exhilerating. Is it?" 

The fluttery feeling is different for most people. For me, I just feel like smiling and/or really excited. It doesn't feel bad or speak-challenging.

"Also, in the event that you actually manage to surpass the can't-speak-to-them stage and enter into a relationship (romantic or otherwise), how long does it take the crush-feelings to fade, generally? I've heard everything from two weeks to a year?"

*shrug* I don't know. I've never been in a romantic relationship (seeing as I'm TWELVE YEARS OLD) but I do know that most people are different. And if you have a crush on someone and you become friends, either you stop crushing on them for some reason (maybe they're annoying or you find someone else to obssess over) or you're on a mission to ask them out.

"Also also, these warm fuzzies... do they actually feel like warm fuzzies, and if so where are they located? Or are they more of an intellectual rationalization of generalized happiness triggered by interactions with the crushee?"

Hm... when I feel warm fuzzies- or butterflies- they're in the top part of my chest where my heart is. But the butterflies come from getting nervous and/or being on a really dizzying ride. The warm fuzzies are normally in my stomach I think. :) 

submitted by Olive
(December 3, 2011 - 9:18 pm)

Well... You've got the symptoms right... when I had a crush, I was frequently annoyed with myself because it was just so gosh darn irrational. Also, you find yourself making excuses for the person you would not make for anyone else, ever.

As an aside: it is interestingly completely possible to have a crush while still entertaining the idea that kissing is gross and nasty.

submitted by Emily L.
(December 3, 2011 - 10:21 pm)

I know I'm posting a lot on this, but onnnnnneeeeee more thing. Re: Warm fuzzy : 'tis not a physical sensation. If you go back and reread the reveiws on your Tom Riddle fanfics, maybe you will know better what I mean.

"And you're so beautiful... and when I see you I feel all warm inside... and my tongue gets all... puffy..." -Buddy the Elf

submitted by Emily L., age 16, WA
(December 4, 2011 - 1:20 am)

re: rereading reviews: ...? Wha...?

I would write more, but I have a 10 of 12 starting in ten minutes and I have to run :D D: 

submitted by TNÖ, age 18, Deep Space
(December 4, 2011 - 12:51 pm)

I had a crush before. It involves much staring at a person when their back is turned, and making excuses to your parents as to why you want to go to stuff that they are also going to, and pretending that it's for some other reason. Also if you tell someone that you like them, it will be your best friend, and you will swear them to secrecy. If you are around them at a party, or something, a friend and you might have a conversation like this: "What are you staring at?" "Um..." And if they look at you then you look away. Fast.

It gets even weirder when the other person also has a crush on you.

submitted by Emily L., age 16
(December 3, 2011 - 7:36 pm)

Definitely. Every one of those things.

=^..^= 

submitted by SusyQ
(December 4, 2011 - 12:15 pm)

Oh, I forgot to add, you could also read some fanfiction. Anything Twilight, Snape/LilyE, Draco/Hermione, normally works. :)

submitted by Olive
(December 3, 2011 - 9:21 pm)

Ew. If she wants to do it well, that's probably not it. Unless you can suggest a particular work.

submitted by Emily L.
(December 3, 2011 - 10:16 pm)

Good point... and I haven't really read any fanfiction in a while so no recs from me.

submitted by Olive
(December 4, 2011 - 10:03 am)

Ok, so common symptoms I think would be:

 

Heart pounding, warm fluttery feelings

Saying wierd nonsensical things when *person* is around

Nervous laughter at anything that's even the tiniest bit funny (said by *person* of course)

 

Hope that helps !

=^..^= 

 

 

 

 

submitted by SusyQ
(December 4, 2011 - 12:29 pm)

Prepare for an extreme overload of awkward and probably unnecessary information. The first bit is what a trusted source said (or rather, typed) when I asked her; the second bit is my own opinion. 

 

"Crushes are a strange mixture of soaring elation, and obsessive worrying. When the crush is around, you feel very awkward, but once out of the crush's presence, you can spend hours reliving the encounter in your mind, cringing over any perceived fault of yours or indifference on the part of the crush, but touching on any perceived attraction to you on the part of the crush.  As when you lose a tooth, you keep going back to the high and low points.  You take the high points, and think about how you could have made them develop into more, giving yourself over to fantasies of the crush touching you on the arm, and asking you to go for a walk or a meal or a movie, and then having this experience culminate in a kiss that makes you thrill and tingle.  Your thoughts then turn into warm, rosy, billowy, indistinct joy.  Of course, the opposite happens too.  If you see the crush talking to someone else, or you hear someone else talking about how she likes the crush, or you do something really awkward in the crush's presence, you start to worry.  You compare yourself to other possible object's of the crush's affection.  You think the crush could NEVER like someone as (stupid, ugly, pimply, etc - take your pick) as you.  Eventually, the crush finds someone else, and you think you'll never find love, or the crush does something stupid and you can only think, "Ewww!  What was I thinking?!?." or you find another crush, or, best of all, that kiss finally happens."

 

My recounting of the experience is a bit less... well, technical, but it might be kind of useful. I've been friends with A Boy since fourth grade, and I've liked him because he's smart, funny, creative, nice, and a good writer. :) We used to just be friends, but over time I developed a crush on him, which entailed (in the early stages) acute awareness of The Boy, such as where he was and what he was doing, feeling inexplicably happy when he talked to me, and wanting to spend more time with him but feeling really uncomfortable about asking. Since then, it's been a little different. Whenever I talk to him, I feel sort of... well, not just nervous, but also kind of pressured, as if everything will be ruined if I slip up. I feel absolutely elated when he compliments me on something, even if it's just, "Nice yearbook story, Alex." I fantasize about The Boy asking me to go to the school dance. It's really a unique experience, and it's kind of a mix of awful and exhilarating.
About warm fuzzies and butterflies: I find that these are two completely different things. Warm fuzzies mostly occur when the crusher is looking at the crushee, and they feel sort of like you're holding a hot water bottle to your chest, accompanied by a general happy feeling. Butterflies seem to occur more when the crusher and the crushee are actually having a conversation, and are of just a slightly different species than the kind you get when you're going to perform onstage, or when you're waiting in line for a scary but fun roller coaster. The two are not mutually exclusive, and are often found happening at the same time.

 

I told you it would be an extreme overload of awkward and unneccesary information!

 

 

 

submitted by Alexandra, age XIII (13)
(December 4, 2011 - 7:26 pm)

That's very helpful, actually, especially the first bit. (Mechanics are good, see, because, as I mentioned, I have no personal reference point for all of this and am thus, as they say, up a creek without a paddle.)

Thanks much, everybody. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 18, Deep Space
(December 5, 2011 - 12:07 am)

Well, I don't have much experience with this. But in my experience, or lack of it , a huge part of it is randomly hoping/wondering if The Boy will show up randomly at any place you happen to be going to. Even if the place is your aunt's house. In Michigan. 

Sorry if this has been mentioned before.  

submitted by Tiffany W., age too young , STUCK IN NASHVILLE
(December 5, 2011 - 2:54 pm)