A poetry excercise

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A poetry excercise

A poetry excercise I saw on Cicada

So, I was looking around on the Slam (before I read the rules and found out that you had to be 14. :( I guess I have to wait until next year), and someone posted this writing exercise where "you just start writing and see what happens and keep whatever you have". So, careless poetry with no editing. I thought it sounded really cool, and thought you guys might want to try it, too!

This is my first try doing it, inspired by a (very) boring Algebra class. Also, I realize I left out some of the major elements that humans are made of (nitrogen, hydrogen, phosphorus) and chemicals that control happiness (oxytocin and endorphins) but at the time, these were the only ones I could remember, and there's no editing!!

untitled 

we ourselves are

chemical formulas- we, composed of

carbon and oxygen and calcium,

we, a product of two cells and

46 chromosomes. Our happiness

is dopamine and serotonin, our faces

simply genes- so if we are nothing

but formulas, why is it so hard to

pay attention in algebra? 

~~

Good luck! 

submitted by Bluebird
(April 19, 2017 - 8:52 pm)

Thanks!

submitted by September
(April 26, 2017 - 5:13 pm)

I just realized that it's NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) and they have daily poetry prompts!! 

Too Long Ago~ (the prompt was what aliens or future civilizations would make of us)

isn't it funny,

you ask me,

that they didn't know

how to use tools for

so long?

you refer to an ancient civilization

thousands upon thousands

of years ago,

buried under so much history,

immortalized by their objects

now on display in a museum

(you have to pay $10

for the entry fee)

i suppose humanity

is a very material species.

you tell me something

about their culture, something

you learned in a fourth grade

history class, or at least,

it sounds like it— but i'm

no longer listening, instead

i'm thinking—

one day, we'll all be nothing

just remnants of a primal civilization 

everything we've worked so hard to accomplish

told by the objects we leave behind.

you ask about

an ancient arrowhead, the paint

on the shaft peeling, but still

recognizable—  

everything has a story,

i tell you,

it just depends if we get it right.  

~~~~~~

I'd love some critique if you've got any!  

 

 

submitted by September
(April 26, 2017 - 8:57 pm)

I have no critique, this is awesome! Did you really not edit this at all? Wow!

submitted by Bluebird
(April 26, 2017 - 9:42 pm)

Thank you so much! I have to admit, I did edit a bit of the middle stanza :p

submitted by September
(April 27, 2017 - 6:09 pm)

I don't know what this is. (tell me if your find the Fall Out Boy lyric!) I don't know, I wanted to try the roman numerals thing, so I just put together some random lines i've come up with that aren't finished poems. 

 

disarray 

i. i wanna have that near death experience / and survive / and know that insignificance is our downfall / pay attention to train graffiti / and notice flecks in people's eyes

ii. the whitecaps are wild today / the water is blue, hypnotic blue / i make the rules here / and you rebellious you dripped red into the sea and turned it purple 

iii. this all makes sense in my head but

iv. send me back to the glue factory / your epoxy held the pieces together for a while but now they're f-a-l-l-i-n-g / stitch me up / 'cuz i can't fix myself, darling

v. read on because nothing makes sense / put a love letter in the curbside mailbox / your words / your words / would look so much better in cursive

vi. vinegar is sweet to me (but i can't change my taste buds)

vii. hey, that's my heart you've got there / be careful, please.

submitted by Bluebird, age I feel so , dumb posting this!
(April 26, 2017 - 10:00 pm)

Wow, this is beautiful! I love the disconnected-ness!! I really like the line: and know that insignificance is our downfall. 

submitted by September
(April 26, 2017 - 10:56 pm)

Thank you, September, that means a lot :)

submitted by Bluebird
(April 27, 2017 - 8:32 pm)

Aww, this is hard, I edit everything, but the idea is awesome! Although I promise I won't edit this one, we'll see how it turns out. Also, I absolutely love these poems! Here is mine:

Untitled (for now):

Hey, wake up, you

That kid sitting on the edge of a lumpy bed

Sighing, kicking your feet back in forth as so

Do you not get tired of wasting away hours of thoughts about sleep?

Endless, gorgeous sleep, curls of hair against your pillow

Laughing as you dream of fantasies only your mind can hold

Yet here you are, slamming your hand down on that pathetic alarm clock

Kicking the wall to wake up your sister for school

Too exhausted from nothing very apparent, sighing

Wishing for it to be dark just a moment longer

And look who we have here

A bedraggled sister of yours angry with pounding feet

And now you are out of bed like a flash

Ha!

You should have your sister as an alarm more often 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(April 27, 2017 - 9:29 pm)

Wow, looking back at this I submitted before even reading the poem so I wouldn't edit. But seriously, this is so relatable! I think I wrote it off of how I feel in the mornings xD

And oh my, I was very wordy!

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(April 28, 2017 - 1:04 am)

This is so true! I love it! 

submitted by September
(April 29, 2017 - 12:23 am)

I love this, Ashlee! Exactly how I feel in mornings!

submitted by Bluebird
(April 29, 2017 - 10:29 am)

Here's another one, but I am really tired so let's see how it turns out (it's 11:08 pm so...)

Untitled (or at least for now):

Poetic is a pen to paper

So beautiful in forms, like paint

Rushing across pages, stainings of war

Is it not a beautiful thing?

These words, we laugh, nonetheless

Call them hurtful, lifechanging, nonsense, and love

Uttered from the lips, signed with hands

Or, so the most powerful lays

Written with ink of your ancestors

From papyrus to paper, occasional flesh

Quill, pen, finger, toes

A story the youngest can tell, forever, smiling, laughing

To the oldest, grasping onto memories upon their death bed

Regardless, love is love, words are words, and when combined together

The whole world lay at your fingertips, exposed 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(April 28, 2017 - 1:13 am)

This is beautiful, poems about poems/poetry are always cool :) I love the line /regardless, love is love, words are words, and when combined together/the whole word lay at your fingertips, exposed/

submitted by Bluebird
(April 29, 2017 - 10:32 am)

Interesting... it's so hard not to edit! I did actually go back and separated the last line into two :/

dangerous

if i said the word 

'dangerous',

what would you think of?

knives

guns

fire

water

sure, all those things

can be harmful,

but we must make sure

that our

minds

are not the greatest

weapon of all 

submitted by Leafmist, age this is, terrible, sorry
(April 28, 2017 - 9:03 am)

Wow, I think it is really good! Isn't it spectacular what kind of things we can create when we turn our minds over to themselves to write?

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(April 28, 2017 - 10:55 am)