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Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket
I need to
I need to say some stuff. So. Yeah. Sorry.
Hello, first of all. I’ve kinda disappeared for a bit. Sorry about that if anyone noticed. I’ve been going through some really tough times physically and mentally. I won’t go into details, mostly because I don’t want to complain, but that’s mostly why i’ve been gone.
To everyone who wanted a picturing on my picturing thread, I am so so sorry. I will get to yours, I promise, but they’ll be a while. I have muscle issues in my hands, so writing and drawing and tasks largely using my hands has been extremely difficult and painful.
My 2nd [i think] CBversery was sometime in November.
I’ll try to be on here a bit more, but I cant promise anything.
Heres a quick rundown of what’s going on with me: [if you don’t want to read it all, feel free to skip to the last paragraph or so.]
So, I have a jaw that’s too small, and the disc has slipped out of place in the joint. It has caused pain and tightness and my mouth to lock closed [not fully]. It is also causing problems with my airway because of how far back the jaw itself has slipped. Because of that, I am hunching over to be able to breathe, causing pain in my neck and upper back with scoliosis. The breathing issues are also affecting my sleep, giving me sleep apnea. Because of the average of 3 hours of sleep a night, my concentration, energy, and ability to think properly have severely gone down.
All of this is also making my depression and anxiety much worse. I’ve slipped once again into coping mechanisms that I am less than proud of, and I am currently in therapy. I am also on natural anti-anxiety pills that have so far done nothing.
The last year, I have also been getting pain in my hands around my thumbs. Writing, drawing, gripping things, and doing other basic things involving my hands has been painful and hard to do. I am currently in physical therapy for that as well, but so far that hasn’t helped yet either.
School has been horrible. I have four [?] main classes this year as well as four [?] other electives. I am in tenth grade and cannot afford to mess this school year up. Thankfully, I am homeschooled, which makes it a bit easier to work with, but because of the concentration and writing issues, it’s been near impossible to get enough work done. Summer school is no longer just an option.
My mom and dad are also going through some physical stuff, and that puts even more stress on all of us, especially on the days where my mother doesn’t feel well enough to even get out of bed, leaving everything to my dad and i. My dad tries to pick the work up, but he’s always exhausted after work. I cant run the household, but neither can either of them.
I have no close friends, and the friends that I do have have been barely any support. Family outside of just my parents and I are worse.
I am having surgery on Friday, December 7th for my jaw [the first of two], and I’m quite honestly terrified. I have been through a surgery before, but it wasn’t as bad as this one is going to be.
Anyway, all this to say, I will not be on that often. I apologize for that. Please pray for me. I am struggling with a lot of stuff, including my own desires for it all to end. Thank you.
Have a good night/day.
-Night.
submitted by Nighthawk, age -15, Brother - Kodaline
(December 6, 2018 - 12:47 am)
(December 6, 2018 - 12:47 am)
*hugs* I'm really sorry, Nighthawk. That sounds really awful. Always remember that the CB is always here for you. I'll pray for you.
(December 6, 2018 - 12:25 pm)
Thank you.
(December 6, 2018 - 1:52 pm)
Oh my gosh! I'll DEFINITELY be praying for you. HARD. Please get back to us on your conditions when they get better :)
Also hello, welcome back! I was wondering where you went for a while. I tend to notice when somebody's come back from a hiatus.
(December 6, 2018 - 2:14 pm)
That sounds really difficult, I can't even imagine. I don't know you that well, but yeah, the CB is always here for you.
(December 6, 2018 - 2:24 pm)
Oh my goodness, Nighthawk.
*hugs*
I’m so sorry. That’s all absolutely awful, and I wish you didn’t have to go through it. Of course I’ll pray for you and your family. I wish there was something more I could do. But even though I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, things will get better. I promise.
(December 6, 2018 - 3:05 pm)
I'm really sorry all of that is happening to you. I don't know what to say, but the CB is always there for you. Also, I know scoliosis is a different kind of thing, but hot compresses help me with pains, and when I'm feelin anxious, too.
(December 6, 2018 - 5:58 pm)
*hugs*
This sounds awful and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'll be praying for you. You are not alone. You can always come here to the CB for support when you need. Keep going. Don't give up hope. We are here for you. You're struggles sound really challenging, but you can get through it. *More hugs.*
(December 6, 2018 - 7:30 pm)
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I promise I'll pray for you and that your surgery goes well. Know that we love you and are here when you need encouragement or virtual hugs.
(December 7, 2018 - 5:42 pm)
Oh, I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I will pray for you. Remember, please, that you're never alone, ever. There will always be someone there for you, whether that be family, friends, or even us. We're here for you, and I really hope you get through everything okay. If you can, let us know how everything goes. Good luck. *virtual hugs*
(December 7, 2018 - 7:34 pm)
Awe Nighthawk I'm so sorry! Please don't feel oblicated to do things that cause you pain especially if you have other things to focuse on. If you don't finish your picturings or respond to people's posts I'm sure they'll understand. Actually, I'd be quite mad at them if they didn't.
I'm sorry about your depression and anxiety, and if I wasn't struggling with it myself I'd try to help. But at the moment I have no idea how to deal with anything or where it stops and what's right or wrong, (and tellling you that therapy is good would be a little hypocritic cause therapy is scary so) just know that you are not alone with all that. Sometimes I find that knowing that makes things a little better.
Try some sort of stress reliver thing if you ever get the chance I guess, don't drop what makes the next day seem worth it. Idk what that is for you, maybe writing, drawing? Talking with loved ones or friends? Sports? Yoga helps sometimes too, although idk if that would hurt you more or not. Maybe try meditation? (hi my name is claaws and im the biggest hypocrite on earth dont listen to me i have 0 idea what Im talking about this is just what my friends have told me works but who knows im stil crazy)
I'm sorry I cant be more helpful! Hope your surgeries go well. <3 (took me way to long to fine the 3 omk)
(December 9, 2018 - 3:41 pm)
(December 10, 2018 - 6:18 pm)
*hugs* Oh, I'm so sorry!
I don't know many people on here very well, but I do remember your name. I'll be praying for you, and please let us all know when anything improves. Like a lot of them have said before, everyone on Cricket is here for you!!
(January 3, 2019 - 5:58 pm)
(January 11, 2019 - 11:31 am)
Thank you to everyone who commented encouraging words. I did see them all and read them, and I’m sorry I did not reply.
The surgery went well, although the day of it was horrible. I reacted badly to the anesthesia and was throwing up quite a lot [which, of course, made the pain in my jaw a lot worse.]. I can honestly say that it was the worst day of my life.
I am still on a soft diet and still have some pain in my jaw.
Nothing else has really changed all that much. In about 5 months, I’m going to be having a second surgery where they are going to break my jaw and move it forward which should cause me to be able to breath normally. After that, I have at least a year of intense physical therapy for my jaw, back, and neck. So, that should be interesting.
Anyway, thank you again for all of your support. Apologies again for not replying to each comment separately; just know that I appreciate every word.
Have a great day/night :)
-Night
(January 11, 2019 - 11:38 am)
I'm glad the surgery went well. After I broke my wrist, I went to some mild physical therapy and obviously it was much less severe than what you're going to go for, but my physical therapy was pretty fun. I got pampered but also got to exercise.
(January 13, 2019 - 4:09 pm)