Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

I need to say some stuff. So. Yeah. Sorry.

Hello, first of all. I’ve kinda disappeared for a bit. Sorry about that if anyone noticed. I’ve been going through some really tough times physically and mentally. I won’t go into details, mostly because I don’t want to complain, but that’s mostly why i’ve been gone.

To everyone who wanted a picturing on my picturing thread, I am so so sorry. I will get to yours, I promise, but they’ll be a while. I have muscle issues in my hands, so writing and drawing and tasks largely using my hands has been extremely difficult and painful. 

My 2nd [i think] CBversery was sometime in November.  

I’ll try to be on here a bit more, but I cant promise anything.

Heres a quick rundown of what’s going on with me: [if you don’t want to read it all, feel free to skip to the last paragraph or so.]

So, I have a jaw that’s too small, and the disc has slipped out of place in the joint. It has caused pain and tightness and my mouth to lock closed [not fully]. It is also causing problems with my airway because of how far back the jaw itself has slipped. Because of that, I am hunching over to be able to breathe, causing pain in my neck and upper back with scoliosis. The breathing issues are also affecting my sleep, giving me sleep apnea. Because of the average of 3 hours of sleep a night, my concentration, energy, and ability to think properly have severely gone down.

All of this is also making my depression and anxiety much worse. I’ve slipped once again into coping mechanisms that I am less than proud of, and I am currently in therapy. I am also on natural anti-anxiety pills that have so far done nothing.

The last year, I have also been getting pain in my hands around my thumbs. Writing, drawing, gripping things, and doing other basic things involving my hands has been painful and hard to do. I am currently in physical therapy for that as well, but so far that hasn’t helped yet either. 

School has been horrible. I have four [?] main classes this year as well as four [?] other electives. I am in tenth grade and cannot afford to mess this school year up. Thankfully, I am homeschooled, which makes it a bit easier to work with, but because of the concentration and writing issues, it’s been near impossible to get enough work done. Summer school is no longer just an option.

My mom and dad are also going through some physical stuff, and that puts even more stress on all of us, especially on the days where my mother doesn’t feel well enough to even get out of bed, leaving everything to my dad and i. My dad tries to pick the work up, but he’s always exhausted after work. I cant run the household, but neither can either of them.  

I have no close friends, and the friends that I do have have been barely any support. Family outside of just my parents and I are worse.

I am having surgery on Friday, December 7th for my jaw [the first of two], and I’m quite honestly terrified. I have been through a surgery before, but it wasn’t as bad as this one is going to be. 

Anyway, all this to say, I will not be on that often. I apologize for that.  Please pray for me. I am struggling with a lot of stuff, including my own desires for it all to end. Thank you. 

Have a good night/day.

-Night.