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Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket
My CBversary is coming up soon.
Actually, it's on March 21st, I think. I'll have been here for four years when it comes. Gosh, that's a long time. I feel old, and tired. Mostly tired, actually.
A little lonely, too.
You know, I took a break a couple years back. A year ago, I think. It lasted several months, but that's not the point. Lots have changed since then, but some things, I feel, have remained constant. My reputation is one of those.
On the thread where I announced my break, the comments were meant to be very kind, and for the most part they were. But at the beginning of nearly every one was "I don't know you very well…". I wasn't ever really well-known. I participated in lots of threads, sure, but I never made a lasting impact. (Except for on Kyngdom, but we'll get to that later.)
Ella Starburst recently made a leaving thread. And on it, they talked about how they always wanted to become a "household name", like Rogue Wilding and Soren Infinity. Well, so did I. Thing was, I had already been on the CB long before them. Years before them.
And so I felt like it was useless to become more famous. Why should I, when CBers so much newer than me were already so famous? So I just made roleplays and continued posting and let myself drift into the background. The CBer who was always there, but never really. And when I vanished for six months? Nobody even noticed.
I'd say I'm a little more well-known now, what with how active I was on NaNo and the fact that apparently people think I'm a good writer? But the fame I have now feels so empty and useless. And that's because everyone who I wanted to look up to me, to know my name, was long gone. No longer was there a Porcelain Dragon, or a Micearenice, or a Tuxedo Kitten. All of you new CBers are very kind and I love you all dearly, but it wasn't the same.
And on top of everyone I used to know being gone, my life started changing. I started changing. Some changes were positive and made things better, like finally becoming comfortable with my gender identity and sexuality, or finally practicing a religion I actually believed in. Some were worse, however. And soon I found that I had no free time, there was so much happening all at once and my mental health took a nosedive.
At the moment, my mental health has improved but it's still shaky. I finally came out and that's made things both better and worse. The Chatterbox has begun to feel less like an escape, though, and more like another responsibility. Another thing I have to worry about.
Kyngdom is the only place where I really feel comfortable. It was also the only place where I ever actually became "famous" and made a lasting impact.
So, what was the point of this? I'm going to announce that I will be leaving. No more Sybill--at least, not on the main CB. I still plan on staying on Kyngdom, and I might join the occasional roleplay on the Inkwell. Past that, though? No, I won't be doing much more than that.
There are a couple things I'd like to say first, though.
Luna-Starr, where even to begin? Oh, I know. You're an incredible writer and someone who I really look up to. You're one of the kindest, and courageous people I've ever met.
Bakerloo, I love your writing and I'm so happy you decided to come back. And also, I think it's very likely you'll be an actor in a silent film one day.
Moth, you're very cool. I'm envious of your chaotic nature and also your vampire aesthetic.
Starseeker, I've always been so inspired by everything you create. Your short stories thread is one of my favorites.
Kitten, you are so mature and everything you say is so well-worded and thoughtful.
Fidelity, you are so incredibly kind and your charries are always some of my favorites.
Sammy E., your energy and also your comments on the infamous "Skey Logde" are amazing.
Luminescence, I wish we were closer! Your speeches are well-written. With you around, I think the CB will be a bright, peaceful, and kind place.
And to Viola?, I know you're not around anymore, but you are one of my biggest role models. You were the first one to ever interact with me on Kyngdom. You were the one who inspired me to stay here for so long. Your writing and artwork are gorgeous, as are you.
There's so much more I want to say. So, to all of you (and I mean all of you), thank you so much for being here. You're all wonderful and very unique people. And especially thanks to those of you who have made the CB so much more welcoming to the queer community. Years ago, I had felt so scared to ever say I was queer on the CB but now I feel comfortable telling it to everyone on here.
So, that's all. Good-bye, I suppose.
We'll miss you, Sybill! Come back any time. --admin
submitted by Sybill, age He/they, Ikea
(March 19, 2021 - 10:57 am)
(March 19, 2021 - 10:57 am)
I definitely understand your decision, but we'll really miss you, Sybill! You've always been really nice to everyone and your artwork is amazing. I still use the picturing you did of me as my profile picture on NaNo (hopefully that's alright...I made sure to credit you)! I hope we'll see you on Valentine's Day!
(March 20, 2021 - 10:19 am)
Oh my gosh, that's so sweet of you!! Please, feel free to keep it as your profile picture. I'm glad you liked it so much!
(March 20, 2021 - 8:18 pm)
Hi, Sybill.
First of all: Happy CBversary :)
Second: You're legendary, on so many levels. Don't ever forget it (That sounds a bit condescending and precocious, not to mention slightly corny... sorry XD). You're a great writer, but you're also one of the coolest people I've ever met. You (and Bakerloo, and Mice) were the one(s) who convinced me to wade through the entire Ultimate Guide to Kyngdom and to finally join, and although I've been sadly neglecting it, I'm planning on coming back. Thank you so much for that, and for answering the *cough* kinda dumb questions I asked at the beginning and not judging me ("can my charrie be in two places at once?" *cringes*). Thank you for helping me, Mary, and Bakerloo plan AtV and although it didn't last, seriously, you were key in actually launching it because the three of you didn't let me give up when I was having second thoughts about the sheer enormity of the project (like I do on almost everything I commit to) and thank you for being an active planner. You always do what you think is right on here, and you're unafraid to stand up and say what needs to be said, which I appreciate, since I'm sometimes (often) too scared of offending someone and them judging me to say those things. You are definitely a household name. You're awesome.
Third: I'll miss you! Don't stop being cool, and *this sound so horribly final* have a great life. Do great things. Be awesome.
Fourth: Please check in on Valentine's Day if you can :) I'd love to talk to you again.
Fifth: Thanks for the compliment. It means a lot, coming from you, and I'm not just saying that. Thank you.
I think that's all I have to say, but...
yeah. It's a really mature decision you're making. <33
~Lumi
(March 20, 2021 - 1:44 pm)
Thank you!! I'm glad I'll still be able to see you on Kyngdom. And believe it or not, I was much more embarrassing when I first joined Kyngdom. And AtV! Wow, I'd nearly forgotten about that. Seó is still one of my favorite charries I've ever made.
I used to be pretty scared of confrontation, too. I guess I started being more open when I realized that the only real way to change things was to change them yourself, if that makes any sense.
(March 20, 2021 - 8:22 pm)
(March 20, 2021 - 4:02 pm)
Oh, Sybill! I'll miss you so much. To be perfectly honest, it came as a bit of a shock to see that you only joined a few months before I did. When I joined, it seemed like you'd been around forever. You've always been a "household name" in my book. I admire your writing, your characters, your confidence, and your sense of humor. I'm happy some things have changed for the better, and I hope your mental health continues to improve. I'm so glad I got to talk to you more on NaNo, and I'll miss you here. I hope you'll stop by next Valentine's day.
(March 20, 2021 - 4:36 pm)
Honestly, I'd always assumed you'd been around longer than me! And thank you so much. You're an incredible, thoughtful person, and never forget that. I'll miss you too!
(March 20, 2021 - 8:24 pm)
Hi Sybill!
1st: Happy CBversery!
2nd: You are like such a legend.
3rd: I'm really sad you're leaving, but I respect your decision. I feel like, to me, you were a bit like a magically older sibling? If that's not weird cause you probably don't know me at all. And your writing... oh my goodness so amazing.
Please don't forget to visit, we'll miss you.
(March 20, 2021 - 6:21 pm)
I'm glad you think I'm a legend. I've never really thought of myself as an older sibling. I guess it's because I always assume I act immature. And I have seen your name around before! Thank you.
(March 20, 2021 - 8:26 pm)
Aww, Sybill :(
I'll miss you so much. I'm glad you're doing this if it's what you need for your mental health, and I respect that decision, but you've always been one of the CBers I looked up to and I'll miss having you there. I love that you're so confident in being yourself and standing up for what you believe in, two things that I often struggle with myself. I hope you have an amazing life and please come back for Valentine's! <3
(March 20, 2021 - 7:03 pm)
Starch!
It warms my heart to hear you look up to me. I suppose that I look up so much to all the other CBers I forget that some may look up to me. Ironic, isn't it?
Thank you! Confidence is no easy feat. It's important to remember that the more trust you place in yourself, the more trust others will place in you.
(March 20, 2021 - 8:29 pm)
If I had the time, I would love to respond to each and every one of the replies on this thread. All of you have been so kind and understanding! I genuinely cried reading them, which would have been an amazing feeling had my eyeliner and mascara not started running down my face.
Seriously, though, you all really touched me. I'm glad that when I'm gone, all of you will be here to look after the CB. And yes, I do plan on visiting every Valentine's Day.
(March 20, 2021 - 8:32 pm)
I remember you coming back and I might have been one of those who said "I don't know you very well". If I did I only meant that I didn't know you personally. I had heard of you before, I had heard of you before I even joined Chatterbox, from the Letterbox in Cricket. When you came back I felt a small sense of reconigtion.
I'm glad I was able to meet you and get to know you a little more and I will miss you a lot. I am so glad you are feeling more comfortable with yourself and I hope your mental health continues to get better.
I wish you all the best with life in general. Come back on Valentines Day, sooner if you feel like it! We'll be here.
(March 21, 2021 - 10:48 am)
I also wanted to say that if I ever hurt you in any way I am very sorry. I would never mean to purposefully, sometimes the way I say something comes across the wrong way even though I try my best to make everything I say clear.
(March 21, 2021 - 10:52 am)
Sybill, I haven't been on here for a super long time, but even in that short time, you became a name that I thought of when the CB came to mind. You're awesome, and you've always felt like an older sibling. I'll miss you, but I respect that leaving the CB will make your life better. Good luck in life, and I hop we'll see you next Valentine's Day!
(March 21, 2021 - 4:19 pm)