Stressful issues

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

Stressful issues

Stressful issues

I just got in a shouting match with my mom about something I don't want to talk about. Yesterday, I got into a similar, but less serious, fight over complicated algebra homework I wa unable to grasp. I had the same sort of deal the day before yesterday, also over math. I do not feel good about my real life right now.

The only things that seem to bring me pleasure right now are the CB and meetings with a documentary project. We're making a documentary on drumming.

Furthermore, these things are really getting to me:

1. Fencing: It's not my thing, but my parents won't let me quit. My dad says I need a physical activity, my mom says I have not recieved enough instruction to really know what I'm doing. (I am in the Intermediate stage.)

2. Time management: I got up at 7AM this morning, but I usually am unable to manage that easily. I just HATE it when I'm up at 10AM after a night of sleep that began at 11PM and then my mom starts being rude to me.

3. General life goals: I have further anxiety issues about where this is all taking me. I want to become a moviemaker someday, but I have recurring fears that I will never get there. I just hate it.

Sounds like I need to see a psychologist, right? Problem is: The last psychologist I met thought I should be institutionalized. Long story.

Can anyone here relate to my issues?

submitted by Joe Dosie Doe, age 14, Stressed Vortex
(May 8, 2013 - 12:26 pm)

Are you sure you should ask that on a public forum? Even if you don't confirm or deny it, it's possible that she's right, and someone else who might not have guessed it originally might realize that it's probably the case. Of course, this is assuming you don't want us to know about it, but I figured you'd have revealed it already if you don't mind it being here. 

submitted by Ima
(May 20, 2013 - 11:04 pm)

@Ruby M: Never mind. I think I am depressed, but it hasn't been diagnosed or anything.  I'm falling apart. Sam is avoiding me idk why, but I really need to talk to him. I make a fool of myself when I talk to him and besides I don't know how to approach him. Help me please!! 

submitted by Maggie the Whovian , age 12, Charlotte
(May 22, 2013 - 9:14 pm)

I don't have depression. 

It sounds to me like you're being an average teenager. I'm not really sure how to help because usually I'm the one watching the drama and laughing at it (I know that's not very nice). Is Sam the boy you've been discussing for a very long time? Why don't you try to calm down and ask him calmly why he has been avoiding you. Has only Sam been stressing you out? 

submitted by Ruby M., age 13, Somewhere
(May 22, 2013 - 11:22 pm)

What do you mean "haha"? Depression isn't a joke! Yes Sam is the one I've been talking about. I can't talk to him. I'd make a fool of myself. He is avoiding me and when my friends told him to talk to me he was just like HI BYE. Yes it was only Sam. I'm kinda worried that one of these days someone will ask me why I know so much about mental disorders (depression, bipolar, anorexia, etc.) and I won't have an explanation because I'm not supposed to tell people Tess is depressed (my two closest friends found out by accident). I've been trying to talk to Sam but HE WON'T TALK TO ME!!!!!! L, help me please! I can't talk to people.

I think I might have social anxiety... I am fairly certain I'm depressed, because I took some online tests that said I'm severely depressed: (and besides it's genetic and my mom is depressed so yeah...

 

 Maggie, I wouldn't rely on a diagnosis from an online test. You should talk to a parent or other trusted adult (teacher, doctor, minister, etc.) about how you feel. It may just be normal "growing pains" that many people experience. And if conversing with Sam is too stressful, practice with more casual friends. Think of a few questions or topics in advance and be a good listener. Then you may discover that when you talk to Sam it feels more natural. Anticipating a situation/event is often more stressful than the actual event. Once you get going, you'll be fine.

Admin

submitted by Maggie the awkward, age 12, Charlotte
(May 23, 2013 - 4:51 pm)

I agree with Admin and would like to add that if you are depressed, then it's even more important that you talk to someone about it.

submitted by Ima
(May 23, 2013 - 6:24 pm)

I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at depression it was just that I was really afraid that someone had figured it out (I plan to tell another person all of it today and I am so scared it's not even funny even though I know her quite well and trust her a lot) and so I was really relieved. I'm sorry.

I really don't know how to help. The only way I can think is just go up to him and ask him why he is avoiding you. You need to be calm while you do it, not mad, not upset or apologetic. You might want to prepare a speech ahead of time if you don't trust yourself to act calm enough.

And please don't use online tests to diagnose yourself. It will only make things worse. 

Captcha says omnm. I think the capthca is hungry. 

submitted by Ruby M.
(May 25, 2013 - 4:33 pm)

@Ima: it won't help to talk to an adult. They say,"You can talk to us." I don't want to talk. I want to get rid of this horrible empty feeling and for that Sam needs to listen to me but he won't. 

submitted by Maggie , age 12, Here&Now
(May 25, 2013 - 2:55 pm)

I almost started crying at school today. No one was even being mean to me. We were watching the Hunger Games in Social Studies and I just felt like I was going to start crying. I can't tell anyone about my sister because I'm just not supposed to. My two closest friends found out by accident(I was showing them something I'd said to this girl on kik) and apparently I mentioned that Tess is depressed. So they found out and my other friends found out I'm keeping a secret from them and they're really mad at me. I really can't keep this secret any longer. It's like it actually physically hurts. So I'm going to tell the guy I like about Tess(I think I can trust him not to tell anyone and I really need to tell someone) if I can get a chance to talk to him that is. So I'm going to try to talk to him next week at recess and I'm going to have Abigail and Jordyn help me because they already know. I'm having a sleepover at the end of the school year(next Friday June 7) and we're going to watch Pitch Perfect and Beautiful Creatures

submitted by Maggie , age 12, Charlotte
(May 31, 2013 - 5:42 pm)

Why the heck were you watching movies in Social Studies? I read about one kid who had a teacher who let them watch horror movies or sitcoms in class, maybe both, and the kid felt that that wasn't helping him learning anything (plus other problems he had with his school) and he started homeschooling. Like me.

No, I do not know this kid personally. I read about him (or her, I forget which) in a book. Don't waste keystrokes requesting that I ask him or her some questions. 

submitted by Joe Dosie Doe, age 14, Wondering Vortex
(June 7, 2013 - 6:38 pm)

I can't speak for anything but my own experiences, of course, but as a general rule movie-watching in public schools happens because (a) it's an English class and the teacher thinks that watching film adaption of something the class has finished reading will encourage a greater range of analytical thinking about the work in question (i.e., reading the Scottish Play and then watching one of the myriad of movies of it), or (b) it's a science or social sciences class and the movie is a documentary pertaining to the subject at hand (i.e. biology classes showing videos about immune systems, or a world history class watching something about, say, Stonehenge). 

The practice helps those students who are visual learners, because the information is presented with much better visual aids than would be available on, for example, a powerpoint presentation. Generally speaking all (good) teachers are looking for more ways to reach all their kids, not just the ones who can magically stay awake and absorb adequate amounts of information during lectures. 

One reason that homeschooling can be great if done correctly is that there's so much one-on-one time between parent/teacher and child/student, and of course the parent knows their child better than a teacher in a public school could by fact of having raised them, so they have both the means and the time to tailor the education to the child's needs. Homeschooling also lends itself better to educational field trips like visiting museums or maybe even actual historical sites, if financially feasible.

That can't happen in public schools, because there's a much greater ratio of students to teachers and personalization of instruction simply isn't practical. The aim of public school teachers, then, isn't to reach every kid on a very individual level, but to convey the same information in as many ways as possible so that general understanding of each concept will be consistent, i.e. so no child falls behind as a result of not being able to learn strictly from working out of a workbook. 

Further, there do exist social science classes where the entire point is to watch movies, i.e. film study classes. A lot of times these are more college-y type social sciences, but I bring it up because my high school offered one. 

Rambling aside, the point I'm trying to get across is that watching movies in class isn't automatically condemnable, IF the movie pertains to the material being taught and is, you know, educational. Any teacher who let their students watch movies for no reason but entertainment is really bad at their job, and shouldn't be accepted as indicative as public schools as a whole.

As to why The Hunger Games would be an admissibal movie to watch in a social sciences class: the whole point of the Hunger Games is to critique problems with modern media culture and offer a dystopic future extrapolation of current trends. Watching or reading it in a humanities course would be no different from watching or reading Brave New World or 1984 or even more YA-targeted work like The Giver.

That said, it was the end of May when Maggie mentioned this. It might have been a hooray-it's-the-last-week-of-school-let's-have-a-party thing, too.

TL; DR: I'm weirdly defensive of public schooling because my childhood education until I was ten was a Christian school run by my church and then homeschooling, and I hated both of them and was pretty much miserable the whole time and it took me until I was eight to even learn how to read more than monosyllables because I was so anxious all. the. time. that I couldn't process information correctly. Public school went a very long way to correcting that, bad hormone years in middle school notwithstanding. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 19, Deep Space
(June 9, 2013 - 4:57 pm)

@JDD

About fighting with your parents: if you feel like you're going to fight with them WALK AWAY.  Make a POLITE excuse and go think about what you're going to say.  When you're calm, go talk to them.  Write down what you're going to say if you have to.

 

Time management: That one's easy.  Unplug.  When you think you're wasting too much time, just hide all your electronics.

 

General Life Goals: Just keep working at it.  You'll get there someday.  Always be on the lookout for opportunities.  When a filmmaking contest opens up, enter.  Go to camp.  Stuff like that will give you an edge over the wannabe filmakers who just sit on their butts all day and do nothing. 

 

@Maggie

You said you don't want to talk to an adult about it, but you have to if you want it to go away.  Just tell your doctor the next time you're in there.  It may sound awkward, but trust me, they'll probably be the person who can do something about it.

 

@Ruby

I have no idea what this secret is.  I'm not going to try to guess.  If you're so stressed out about it though, you should talk to someone about it.  Do you know anyone who can relate?  Maybe they can give you advice on how to deal with this.

 

Alright, did I miss anybody while I was pretending to be Dr. Phil?

submitted by Melody, age 14, The Haunted Mansion
(June 9, 2013 - 4:53 pm)

re: Walking away: I'd advise caution here. Depending on what one's parents are like, walking away can make things much, much worse. There is a certain type of person whose response to another person trying to remove themselves from the argument is to dig in even harder and try to follow, and when you're the one trying to get away this kind of situation is really, really awful and kind of scary. 

So if you try to walk away and your parents don't let you, be careful of trying to keep walking away because chances are good that it's going to blow up in your face. At that point it's best to breathe and stay as calm as you possibly can and, I've found, let them yell themselves out and then apologize in the least passive aggressive manner you can manage so they'll leave you alone. 

submitted by TNÖ, age 19, Deep Space
(June 9, 2013 - 5:07 pm)

Oh, yeah, just a footnote if I was didn't say this before.  Don't just walk away.  Say something before you do, and not just "I don't want to hear it."  That will definitely make it worse.  Use homework as an excuse if you absoutely have to.

submitted by Melody, age 14, The Haunted Mansion
(June 10, 2013 - 4:35 pm)

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but if I were having an argument with my mother and I tried to stop it by saying "I have homework I have to do" and then leaving I would be in so much trouble. What I was saying above is that some people won't except even the validest and most polite of excuses and with those sorts of people it's probably not a good idea to keep trying, but to find a way of defusing them, so to speak.

submitted by TNO, age 19, Deep Space
(June 11, 2013 - 4:40 pm)

I thought for a while one of my friends had part of the same problem I had so I was super excited. However, from what I've heard from her, she's just pretending. I was very mad at her for a long time but now I'm not mad anymore. 

submitted by Ruby M., age 13, Somewhere
(June 10, 2013 - 5:52 pm)