I've wondered the same thing.

I mean, it kinda makes sense at a first glance -- darkness represents the night: danger, the unknown, the unseen. It also tends to feel a bit claustrophobic, dirty, uncertainly deep and crowded; like a cave, or small hole with who-knows-what dangers lying inside. Think about it, is it easier to hide in the shadows, or out in the open? What does it say about a person if they are being too secretive and sneaky? How do you know you can trust them if you can't see their motives/means clearly. Also, consider what kinds of traits people have tended to look down upon: cowardice, betrayal, lying/disception, thievery, gloomy introversion, etc. Isn't it so much easier to do all of those things in the dark, where sight is lacking and it's harder to prove anything, or where those with less-than-lovely intentions might be able to shelter themselves? In simply coding a character under the label of "darkness" you can imply these traits quick and efficiently, but that doesn't necessarily means it's right, or the best/only way to do it. Just historically pretty common.

a theory i have is it may have stemmed from not being able to see anything in the dark so you don't know what's lurking in the night

Maybe it's because some people are afraid of what they don't know or can't see, and they don't know darkness. We assume that what we don't know is evil. 

Anyway, that's my theory. 

I'm terrible at giving advice. I'll try though. Let's see... Ya know what, I really am terrible at giving advice. Can't come up with anything. Fortunately, I'm rather good at giving hugs, so...

Here, have a hug. *gives virtual hug*

I feel ya. It's hard sometimes, and it's hard not to compare yourself to others, but you are a brilliant human and someday you will change the world! Even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Huh, look at that, I gave advice after all. Dunno, if it was good advice, but it's advice.

*offers hug*

I feel ya. :/ 

Aww thanks guys <333

*hugs you back* 

Aww, lils (and yes you absolutely can give yourself a nickname, and that is absolutely what I'm calling you from now on)... *gives hug*

I can't really give you advice on a lot of that, but I'm sending lots of love your way.

As for gender and sexuality, however, I've got some experience with that and I think I might be able to help you maybe a little. Gender and sexuality can be very confusing and very stressful to figure out, so sometimes it can be a good idea to say "I don't know" and be happy with it for a while. These things often make themselves clear when you get older, and there's no deadline for when you have to have it all figured out. Take as much time as you need. Heck, take your whole life if you need to! It's totally OK not to know. That's the whole reason there's a thing called "questioning." Sometimes, when you've got a lot of stress in your life and gender/sexuality orientation is just adding to your stress, it can be best to just put it on the back burner for a while, not worry about it, deal with the more important things, and come back to it when you're ready. I used the label questioning for both my gender and sexuality for a very long time (upwards of a year!) and I'm still not certain! Sure, for now I call myself genderfluid, asexual, and omniromantic, but none of those are cemented in place yet. They're all just sort of guesses right now, and as I grow older and change I might discover they don't really fit me. In fact, I still partially identify with questioning since I'm not certain about anything. There's no need to worry about it. Knowing your gender or sexuality is nice but it isn't necessary.

Also, perhaps consider talking to a therapist. There's no shame in it and it can really help your life. I've found it to be very helpful in the past. Being able to talk freely to somebody who you know is legally bound to confidentiality and who really knows how to listen because they've gone to years of school for it can be really really helpful.

Also, just because some people have it worse doesn't mean your problems are invalid! Everybody's stuggles are legitimate struggles. Thinking that you should just suck it up because other people have more problems than you can actually be really detrimental to your mental health!

*more hugs*

Yooooo so don't got a lot of advice on most of this but.. hey, it's really not necessary for you to find your orientation so soon.  I know a lot of people in my grade who are also talking about their crushes and sexuality or whether they're aro or not and really I don't know if anyone knows.  I know for a fact at least a handful of my grade would do like you did and like i used to do- fake or forced- and it feels like we have to either like someone or identify as aroace.  It's like even though we're barely teenagers, you have to know who you are attracted to, or at least figure it out fast. I don't know how old you are but I'm in eighth grade and I don't really agree with this subconscious narrative. I don't think I've ever had a real crush but that doesn't mean I'm not going to.  We all develop at different rates and there's really no rush to find a label for yourself so soon, you know?  I feel confused and frustrated sometimes when I can't really define myself or I feel like I should hurry up with anything or everything or get impatient and platonic vs. romantic is SO confusing but--

It's okay.

I'm fourteen 

I have my whole life ahead of me.

So I wouldn't worry too much about your orientation.  As far as I know everyone on the CB is a minor which means you are always growing and developing and nothing about you has yet been fully realized.  I think you just have to let it be for now, yk? 

Thanks for listening to my rant lol 

hi! I have no idea if my advice will help, but here goes anyway...

-don't worry about the grades. I mean, getting good grades is lovely, but it's not what really matters. Some time to relax and chill out can help - just rest and read a good book, or watch a fun movie, or something like that. Especially if your parents aren't pressuring you too much. If you disappoint someone, that's their fault for having unrealistic expectations, not yours. What matters is that you understand and enjoy what you're learning, not your grades, at least that's what I think.

-About wanting better friends... all i can say is I'm in the same boat, but at least there are all the CBers!

-As to romance. I know literally no one who's aroace, so I hope if I say something completely off the mark it won't offend you, I just know nothing about it so... but anyway, I kind of think that romance just doesn't have much to do with sexual attraction. I mean, partly it does, but that's not the whole story. It's much deeper than that. It's about finding a person who you feel drawn to on a spiritual level, who shares your beliefs and values, whose personality you find amazing and attractive, whom you know you can turn to for comfort and support when everything goes wrong. I know this because this is what my parents' marriage is like, so it is possible to find someone like this. But most of the time it happens once you're an adult, if not in midlife already, so I wouldn't worry about it yet. Anyway, basically what I'm saying is that romance isn't just based on physical attraction, it's mainly based on love. And anyone, regardless of their gender, can love.

-I'm really sorry about the financial thing. I don't really have any advice, but I hope your life gets better in every single way, and I, and the other CBers, are here if you need us!

Bro literally mood. Except my parents do care about grades, but not my mental or physical health! :D

*sigh* I guess, I just get how hard it can be. I don't really have much advice, just problems of my own, but... I just wanna say, we care about you Lils. I can see so many similarities between us, and if you feel anywhere near as miserable as I do at times, then I get it. I really do. It's rough, and I'm not convinced it gets any better. But I hope knowing that you have a loving, supportive community filled with tons of amazing people who you can count on will keep you from wanting to "cover yourself with a blanket and not move ever" too often. I know that won't magically solve all your problems, but nothing will.

Sometimes we just have a rough day, and it's okay to feel -- emotions are just that, they're meant to be felt, ugly as they may appear at times. I genuinely hope that you'll feel better, but feeling down is just part of life sometimes. Some people just experience it harder, or have conditions like BPD, MDD or Bipolar (etc.) that make it more difficult to cope with; believe me, I'm in the latter camp too. It would be awesome if people like us could not deal with such things, but it happens. All I can do is try to remind us not to do dangerous or reckless things, no matter how bad it gets. We can get through this, hun. <3

And after tough times, good times feel better and so much more appreciated.

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