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Does anybody here
Does anybody here know a cure for the word "then?"
I constantly try to not use the word then, but then I end up using other words repeatedly, like "grunted" and "paused" for some reason.
(Okay, maybe the goblins pauese for too long in my story--while grunting)
Plus is there such thing as a synonym for "paused?"
submitted by Theo W., Dark,Dreadful places
(December 19, 2012 - 6:40 pm)
(December 19, 2012 - 6:40 pm)
Oooh, the Curse of Repetitive Words. I get that all the time - Exhibit A is my NaNo, where I kept using "gasps" and "ricochets" for reasons.
I find it the easiest when I'm not trying to cram as many words in as I possibly can, to pause and think if the sentence really needs that word. Are there any ways you can possibly re-phrase it? I'm hesitant to suggest a thesaurus - be absolutely sure of the real definition of a synonym before you use it.
Luck is wished to you!
--L
(December 19, 2012 - 7:27 pm)
@L
Ricochets? Interesting word choice...
(December 20, 2012 - 10:41 am)
My NaNo has a lot of a) people throwing things and b) mysterious winds that arise from nowhere and send things flying around the room. More of the former than the latter.
(December 20, 2012 - 7:27 pm)
*poke*
*shove*
*kick*
TOP
Paused... syn. stopped, waited, hesitated, ceased....
(December 19, 2012 - 7:34 pm)
I find that one way of avoiding repetitive word use in cases where you're indicating a break in dialogue specifically is to describe *what* the character is doing while the pause is happening. F'rinstance, this:
“You are not a diplomat, are you, captain?” Leopold sounded even more vague than usual; this was not going at all according to the usual script, and he was a poor improvisor at best.
“I’m a policeman, your majesty. There was a coup; the diplomats have all been executed.”
The courtiers tittered nervously. It tailed off when they realized Zero hadn’t been joking. Leopold cleared his throat. “Well. What, pray, does your ruler—”
“The Sorceress.”
“—the Sorceress, then, want with my kingdom?”
“That,” Zero said blandly, “would be telling.”
...instead of this:
“You are not a diplomat, are you, captain?” Leopold sounded even more vague than usual; this was not going at all according to the usual script, and he was a poor improvisor at best.
“I’m a policeman, your majesty. There was a coup; the diplomats have all been executed.”
There was a very tense pause before Leopold said, “Well. What, pray, does your ruler—”
“The Sorceress.”
“—the Sorceress, then, want with my kingdom?”
“That,” Zero said blandly, “would be telling.”
The first one is more interesting becaues it (a) tells the reader what's *happening* during the pause, and (b) is written in active voice (i.e. without the verb "to be").
More generally, read your work out loud. You'll notice cadence and word choice a lot more easily that way, and that makes things easier to fix.
And, like L said, be wary of thesauruses. They can get you into trouble if you don't look up definitions for the synonym you use.
That said, some words are not bad. Passive voice is not bad. It's all a matter of using it sparingly and in the right place, and the only way to do that is to keep practicing and develop a feel for it.
(December 19, 2012 - 9:14 pm)
I *love* my thesaurus, even though it's a Merriam-Webster pocket dictionary ("Only $2.99"! states the front) and it's generally really helpful to me. I usually don't utilize words I'm not sure of the precise definition. That's not a problem most of the time, because I mainly use it for overused or boring words like "big" "strong" "said" "interesting" and the like. And I have a fairly good grasp of the differences between synonyms and the slightly different emotions or actions they imply. (Note to self: find reliable synonym for "different.") ;)
(December 21, 2012 - 11:51 am)
@Coral
unique, foreign, strange
(December 23, 2012 - 9:40 pm)
I have this problem with the world "gestured". Is there anything that works as a replacement for you?
Garthwumpian Flopp says bhox. Box!
(December 20, 2012 - 3:32 pm)
I think thou is an approximate synonym.
(December 23, 2012 - 10:41 am)
Also, about the thesaurus, generally don't use big words unless it is fitting for the situation. Like Gail Carson Levine says, big words can be too distracting. You don't hear people say, "Your feline is very unpresumptuous, frau" every day do you? If you read that you would miss the point of the dialogue and instead try to make sense of the meaning.
Also, what's a replacement for "fun" besides "enjoy"?
(December 26, 2012 - 10:17 pm)
entertainment, amusement, pleasure
(December 27, 2012 - 8:41 am)
Well, sometimes you can. If you have a character like my Dallas, who is very big on science and completely out of touch with society (doesn't know what a toaster does... ouch), you could probably have them say something like that. But generally, you don't hear normal people throwing around the words "antidisestablishmentarianism" or "inconceivable" (just watched the Princess Bride, needed to say that, hate Buttercup muchly, etc) in natural conversation.
But I really don't like Buttercup. At all.
(December 31, 2012 - 6:56 pm)
True. When you're writing dialogue, using fun a lot is okay. But when you're using narration, it's more acceptable to use longer words.
Example:
"I want to have some fun today. We haven't had any fun in a while." <--as dialogue is okay.
They wanted to have fun that day. They had not had fun in a while. <-- as narration is not good writing.
(January 1, 2013 - 10:32 am)
Also, in that case, think about your sentence structure. (cue theme from Psycho) Actually, it's not that scary if you just sit down and look at it. There are several ways to begin sentences, but there are three that are used the most, probably because they're easy to use and more to-the-point.
1. With a noun/pronoun (ex: Cassidy opens the door intrepidly.)
2. With a hanging participle or whatever it's called (ex: Intrepid, Cassidy opens the door.)
3. The addition of "there is/was" or "with" (ex: With her breath caught in her throat, Cassidy opens the door.)
Notice how they get steadily more interesting. Also, you can keep from repeating words by messing around with it. To use the above example, say the passage had originally been written like this: "There is a mysterious thump from the other room. The empty room. Cassidy opens the door intrepidly. A box has fallen from its stack."
Not very exciting, right? Well, we can mess with the structure and pull some bits out so we get this gem: "Thump. Cassidy jumps from her chair slightly, surprised by the noise. That room should be empty - at least, it was when she locked it yesterday. With her breath caught in her throat, Cassidy opens the door. Her heart rate slows as she realizes that the noise she heard was that of a cardboard box that fell from its precarious position in a stack of similar boxes."
Much more interesting, yes? And off the original topic? Sorry about that. A wild Grammarleak appeared. And I'm not saying that the other sentence starters are bad, per se, just that it would behoove you to use a wide variety.
And I should bring this rant to a close. Good day, happy New Year, and lucky travels in Grammarland!
Yava says fuiy. Phooey on you. :P
--L
(January 1, 2013 - 2:45 pm)
@L
It's just that Buttercup's name's weird and she doesn't fight back enough.
I like the Princess Bride.
(I mean, most of the fencing is movie fighting, and it's mostly for show and not that differnt from the fight with the lightsabers between Obiwan Canobi (I cannot spell, either) and Darth Vader, if you had a sudden urge to take fencing ad can no longer enjoy stage fighting like me)
Whatever were we talking about in the firt place anyways?!
(And I KNOW I started this chain.)
(January 5, 2013 - 9:04 pm)