~Excerpt from my

Chatterbox: Inkwell

~Excerpt from my

~Excerpt from my lowly novel~

This is what started my Round Robin about Sydney.  I wrote the original beginning idea in Inkwell as a RR, then started writing a novel by myself.  It was interesting because I had my idea of how the story was going, and then your ideas.  So you'll see a lot of the same things here as there.  Constructive criticism, please?
~Chapter one:
The Girl~

Sydney gazed longingly out over the rolling green hills and the wide blue ocean that stretched endlessly into the distance.  The wildflowers were in full bloom, their heavy scent intoxicating.  A pleasant ocean breeze ruffled the landscape, causing ripples of color to spread across thehills and her unruly auburn hair to fly freely around her face.  The sky was that wonderful shade of summer blue she had always loved, and not a single cloud dared disturb its serenity.  It was the most perfect day she could have wished for, and yet something felt wrong.
She frowned.  On a day like today, what could possibly be wrong? Nothing, she thought, should disturb my thoughts on such a fine day like today.  She grinned to herself.  If Auntie were to hear her say that she would be sent to bed pronto with no lunch or supper.
Sydney closed her eyes and rolled lazily onto her back.  The sunlight was warm on her face, the distant pounding of the waves on the rocky shore like a lullaby, tempting he rinto a relaxed and dreamy sleep. But no, of course she couldn’t fall asleep.  Soon she would have to milk the cow, feed the chickens, tend to the horses, make lunch, clean the house, go to the market . . .
Suddenly, Sydney sat bolt upright and opened her eyes.  That just reminded her: she had to go to the well to collect water for Auntie. That was why she had come outside in the first place.  What had she been doing all this time?  How long had she been here?  Auntie would be absolutely furious.
Still trying to figure out how she could possibly have forgotten her chore, she picked up the buckets and dashed across the open stretch of land that separated Uncle’s property from the neighbors’. The well wasn’t far, just a short walk away, but Sydney didn’t want to be any later than she already was. So she raced to the well and then made her way home at a run.

***
So?  what do you think?  Any good?  Be truthful, please!  Don't worry: you won't hurt my feelings.
 

submitted by BellaTrix♡♥♡
(March 13, 2009 - 7:08 pm)

Really . . . *raised eyebrows*

***
~Chapter two:
The Boy~

“Amilla!”
“AM-I-LLA!”
Justin shook his head.  Servants these days were so useless, always thinking they were just as good as their masters and could do what they pleased.  What a ludicrous idea.  And such a shame.  Justin hated doing these little things, and it really was Amilla’s job, anyway.  Oh well.  She’d just have to do it tomorrow.
Sighing, he absentmindedly picked up the piece of paper that was lying on his desk.  He skimmed through it, and upon deciding it was rubbish (and a great many things were rubbish in Justin’s opinion) let it fall to the floor. He was so bored.  There was nothing at all enjoyable to do.  Maybe he’d go outside.  Not that there was anything to do there, either, but it would change things up abit.

***
Do you think it goes to fast?  I think so, and I'll probably just turn this into a draft.  And I will post it in smaller bits from now on. :) 
submitted by BellaTrix♡♥♡
(April 5, 2009 - 1:25 pm)

This is pretty good, but a little bit confusing after switching protagonists. You'll probably explain it soon...but....

submitted by Koffee
(April 7, 2009 - 4:12 pm)

What do you mean, moves too fast? The faster the better - as long as you don't skip description, good characterization, etc.. At least, that's my opinion.  

submitted by Falmiriel
(April 7, 2009 - 6:18 pm)

Yeah, I love it!!! But what happened to the RR one? w/ the sparrow and stuff?

submitted by Kit Kat
(April 7, 2009 - 8:24 pm)