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Just for fun...
Just for fun... Anyone want to rewrite Twilight? Get rid of all the purple prose, horrendous morals, and poorly developed characters? We'd still stick to the same basic plot, obviously, but we could get rid of the sparkles!
Anyone want to give it a shot? Not a parody mind, but a serious rewrite?
submitted by TNÖ, age 15, Deep Space
(May 15, 2009 - 10:37 pm)
(May 15, 2009 - 10:37 pm)
Awesome! So we can give Bella some actual flaws? So she's not, like, Little Miss Perfect? I've only read the first book, mind, but that thing left a bad taste in my mouth for days.
(May 16, 2009 - 8:12 am)
To the top!
(May 16, 2009 - 8:15 am)
Budge along to the front row, now, thread!
(May 16, 2009 - 8:16 am)
To the top! To the top! To the top! To the top! To the top!- 'Kay, you get the point.
(May 16, 2009 - 11:22 am)
YES, YES, YES! Great idea! Could we... *looks around nervously*... give the meyerpires... *gulp*... fangs? ;)
(May 16, 2009 - 3:16 pm)
YEA!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!! :):D:):D
(May 16, 2009 - 5:26 pm)
I'll start! Because Meta-Bella deserves a chance to live!
---
Chapter 1
Mom drove me to the airport in silence. Several times she opened her mouth and drew breath to speak, but shook her head and closed her mouth. For my part I welcomed the silence, preferring to stare at the brilliant blue sky.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" Mom asked suddenly. I rolled my eyes.
"Don't call me Bella," I said automatically. I hated the nickname- beautiful swan, indeed. "And yes, Mom, I'm sure. It'll be fun spending time with Dad." That, and I would be able to get away from Mom and her too-young boyfriend and their constant goo-goo eyeing.
"But you hate the rain, and the cold!" she protested. "And what's wrong with Bella?"
"It makes me feel full of myself and conceited. Besides, I like Izzy better."
Mom shrugged, and I went back to staring out the window.
Despite what she thought, I could barely contain my excitement at the thought of moving to Forks. Sure, I didn't like rain, but I'd get to spend lots of time with Dad. I wouldn't have to worry constantly about the nasty, painful sunburns that the Phoenix sun inflicted on me if I spent more than ten minutes outside.
I was also dying to see Jacob, my friend and penpal from as far back as I can remember. Jake lived on the Native American reservation, and we were basically inseparable whenever I was up at Forks.
Plus, Dad said he had a "special surprise" waiting for me when I got to Forks. Jake's recent emails had hinted that it was big, and that I would like it a lot, and the suspense was nearly unbearable.
*
After a four hour flight, a quick lunch of questionable airport lunch, and another hour of flying time, I stepped off the plane into Port Angeles- and into a tight hug from my dad.
"Hey, Iz," he said, holding me at arms length. "How are you?"
"Good," I said. "Well, tired. And hungry."
"You're lucky there," he replied. "We're having the Blacks over for dinner. I'm making fish."
"Billy and you still fishing buddies?"
"Yup. Come on, let's get your bags."
((Aaaand someone else can continue.))
(May 16, 2009 - 3:01 pm)
Hey, that's a pretty good idea, as long as it's legal and everything. The actual idea of Twilight isn't that bad once you think about it, it's just the way she wrote it that was bad. Some things we should do are:
1. Give Bella some flaws, other than her clumsiness.
2. Cut all 'been belonged' bedrooms, claustrophobic vans, or otherwise.
3. Give Edward some flaws.
4. Find some words to describe Edward other than 'perfect' or any variations on that word.
5. Bring in the actual plot in less than 400 pages.
Okay, how will we start?
(May 16, 2009 - 5:23 pm)
It's legal so long as we don't try to make money from it. It's like fanfiction; strictly for fun and not much else. I already started the first chapter, someone else can continue...
Now, for the vampires, I'm going to suggest a cool idea from TwiSu that might be fun to explore:
Smeyer tells us (via Edward) that animal blood is less... nutritious than human blood. So, logically, the Cullens should be weaker, because they are intaking fewer nutrients than regular vampires (we don't see them drinking more blood to compensate for the lower nutritious value of animal blood).
This means we could make the Cullens much, much weaker- Edward's telepathy comes and goes in irregular patterns, Alice's visions are fuzzy and often inaccurate, Jaspers mood control sometimes backfires... etc. etc.
Furthermore, the "sparkles" are a result of the Cullen's weaker diet. If we assume that the "venom" the regular vamps draw from the blood creates an immunity to sunlight, then we can also assume that the lesser quality of deer blood equates to a lesser quality venom and therefore sunlight. The Cullen's weakened immunities keep them from bursting into flame, but the sparkles are, in fact, the outer layer of their skin bursting into tiny flames. It's beautiful in the way that a particularly colourful bruise is colourful - and also a sign that they are slowly dying from the inside.
Also, of course, we'll have to present them as the greedy elitists that they are. And perhaps Carlisle, being a doctor, would know about this problem with their diets, but hide it from the rest of his 'family' because he views them as an experiment, nothing more? Then, the Volturi- who would hate to see perfectly good lives go to waste like that- step in, sending James, Victoria, and Laurent to try to warn the Cullens that their insufficient diet is killing them. Carlisle twists this around, convincing Edward that James wants to kill Bella (well, I'd rather it be Izzy, because Bella Swan = beautiful swan = Mary Sue name, and I like Izzy better, who's with me?).
James lures Izzy to the ballet studio and tries to warn her that her boyfriend's diet is going to kill him. She's angry at him for tricking her, and angry at herself for falling for such a simple trap, but she believes what he says about Edward. Then the Cullens- Carlisle in the lead- burst in and try to kill James without waiting for an explanation. Victoria shows up (I was waiting for her to do this in smeyer's Twilight, I mean if they were lovers as smeyer said... but no...) and drags James away from the Cullens. The two of them escape back to the Volturi, who are seriously concerned...
Yes? No?
(May 16, 2009 - 9:53 pm)
I like it! The Cullens need to brush up on their nutrition facts... Bella becomes Izzy (actually I know a girl whose real name is Isabella but we all call her Izzy, and she loves Twilight)...good!
(May 18, 2009 - 7:22 am)
Oh, and the Cullens don't go to school, because they're conceited elitists. Let's say, Izzy (or Bella, if the rest of you would rather stick with Bella) plays the piano, and she and Edward (who is the least elitist of the Cullens) end up accompanying the choir together, and that's how they meet. Also, we'll get rid of the scent thing- it was quite Mary Sueish. We should also probably ditch the mind shield thing, and have Ed and Izzy fall for each other *gasp* through conversation or something.
Yes? No?
(May 16, 2009 - 10:05 pm)
Yes, Lena, it's legal- no plagarism or anything! :)
This is my friend "Tillie" speaking- she's abit twi-crazed ;)-
" I think twilight is a very good book you may disagree but it isn't that bad if you don't like this book you should try to read it, it is an interesting book."
Okay, now my post, as a continuation to TNO's (umlaut...):
The car ride home was silent, but not awkward- after all, neither of us was what you would call talkative ((talkative, NOT verbose)). When we arrived back at Dad's ((NOT Charlie's)) house, I noted that it had channged very little. Bedrooom was more or less the same- my bed, a desk, a second-hand computer. While climbing up the stairs to my bedroom, which was pretty much a loft, I tripped.
"Ach!" I cried, rubbing my knee. Idiot! I thought. Always so clumsy.
******************
((We should be make Bella ugly, and that way the story cold be based on actual emotions, and not just dehumanization (er, devampirization?) of the main characters...also, we can capitalize on the one fault Smeyer did give her (that being clumsiness), which diminishes her self-esteem in turn, and then everybody won't love her and adore her like they do in the books. And Edward... it will be fun, as Lena says, to think of adjectives to describe him other than, um, perfect, hot, awesome, and anything relating. ;) ))
(May 16, 2009 - 10:18 pm)
((You forgot the truck. I'll write it in, shall I?))
I had just flung my backpack down unceremoniously on the bed when I heard an incredible, thundering roar from outside. Surprised, I moved to the window and peered out. Dad was standing in the driveway, next to an enormous red truck. Jake waved furiously at me from the cab.
Laughing, I half-ran, half-hopped down the stairs and out the door. "Is this my surprise?" I asked. Dad just grinned.
Jake leaned out the window. "Told you you'd like it," he said dryly.
I patted the truck as Jake hopped down to the pavement. "Happy homecoming," he said. I hugged him.
Dad rapped the side of the truck with his knuckles. "It's Billy's old truck. He's in a wheelchair now, so he sold it to me and bought a new car with hand controls."
"Thanks, Dad," I said, ogling my truck. My truck. Huh. I had a car.
"It's pretty old," Jake added. "But the thing runs great." Proudly, he added, "I fixed up the engine."
"Cool..." I said. "The Thing... You'll have to help me spray paint that on the side someday."
He laughed. "Maybe you could bring it by this weekend?"
"Great," I said. "Yellow might be good. Or blue." I grinned.
"So, Jake, you want to stay for dinner?" Dad asked.
Jake grinned. "Aw, you know me, Officer Swan, I'm *always* hungry."
"I've told you to call me Charlie," said Dad firmly, steering us inside. "You guys can catch up while I finish cooking."
"Yes, sir," said Jake with mock seriousness.
(May 17, 2009 - 1:03 pm)
((Rather we could have Izzy stay the same, look-wise, but acknowledge that she is pretty and she cares about how she looks. Like, vain in a "of course I care what my hair looks like, who doesn't?" sort of way. Whichever you prefer.
Also, her entrance into school would be normal - that is, Jessica (who isn't a complaint, despite what the fans all say.) is nice to her, because Jessica's a nice person, and Jessica's group of friends accepts Izzy first out of politeness and have *gasp* relationship development..
Anyway, like I said I don't think the Cullen kids should go to school, rather they could say they're "homeschooled" and have, you know, fun all day instead of torturing themselves. Now if we made Izzy play, say, guitar or something, she and Edward (who plays piano) could end up accompanying the choir and meet that way. This way we give Izzy a hobby and a more logical plot device all in one stroke! yay!
We should also show Izzy reading, because she says she's a reader in Twilight but we only see her read, like, once throughout the four books.
Of course, Izzy will also not complain about everything, and she won't treat her friends (Jake, her "best friend" especially) like garbage. Also, her "nickname" for the truck will not be mentioned once and then forgotten.
We should probably also give the rest of the Cullens some hobbies/realistic relationships, e.g. Rosalie likes to work with cars/engines/mechanical things (which is canon but only mentioned once), Emmet loves to cook, Alice plays video games, Jasper likes to build things and has an extensive collection of legos with which he frequently builds fantastical landscapes, etc. etc. Also the Cullens should actually, you know, interact like a family. That way their relationships will be believable and their characters will have some depth.
Victoria and James should be introduced much earlier, possibly through third-person cuts to the Volturi (if we use the idea mentioned above) where Aro, Marcus, and Caius ((Anthony! sob!)) express their concern about the health of their friend - Carlisle was their friend after all- and his family, and ask J and V to go tell the Cullens that the Volturi recently discovered that animal blood every two weeks cannot permanently sustain a vampire.
Also we should make the Cullen's diets more believable and less... ecosystem-decimating? Like, say, Carlisle could nick old bloodbags from the hospital (again, this is less sustaining than freshblood because... well... It's old).
Yes? No?))
(May 17, 2009 - 1:17 pm)
Those are all GREAT ideas! :)
(May 18, 2009 - 5:25 pm)