Thanks you guys! :) I'll post more, but I'm going to start demanding critical feedback or edits (even if it's only grammar) before I post the next bit. The first chapter has been edited a lot so I don't really need a lot on that, but for the rest any help is appreciated!

Inkpop is a writing website that I'm a part of. I'm too lazy to describe it right now; it's pretty complicated. Anyway:

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Chapter 2

My companion proceeded to explain that he knew a way out of the dungeon. We walked down a long corridor, under a stone archway, through an old wooden door, and up a narrow, dusty staircase. At the top of this he gave me a red cloak and badge. “This is a Captain’s uniform,” he said. “I stole it from the same place I got this guard outfit. Put it on. Your face it still relatively unknown, it will make a good disguise.”
Wearing the costumes we were able to pass undetected through the enormous front gate of the castle and down the long drawbridge. I marveled at the beautiful architecture and sparkling water, familiar and yet unfamiliar. Atop the battlements was a row of heads on spikes, presumably belonging to criminals of some sort. I grimaced as I recognized the closest as belonging to Derrek. He had been right to fear his Queen.
“Where are we going?” I asked as we passed the outer guardgate.
“Out,” he replied vaguely. I was not satisfied, but I remained silent. Despite the fact that I had no way of knowing if I could trust him, he was the most helpful person I had met so far. In any case, staying with him was probably a better idea than taking off on my own, and I had very little desire to go back to the dungeon.
We pressed close together as we entered the crowded street. “There’s nowhere as safe as a crowd,” he muttered. “And nowhere as dangerous.” But soon I noticed we were being given a slight berth, probably because of our fictional rank. I watched the people closely, but recognized no one. Whenever I made eye contact with someone they quickly looked away, even though I had pulled my hood up so no one could see I was wounded.
We stepped off into a side street, and I tried again, with another question. “So why was I kidnapped?”
“Because you’re an outlaw.”
I admit I was taken by surprise. “But… Why?”
“As I said before, I can’t tell you who you are. You have to define yourself, if you’re going to remember.”
“Oh, good heavens. I’m an outlaw and you won’t even tell me why?” I sighed, and leaned against a wall. “What’s the bounty?”
“Twenty thousand Bilars.”
I wasn’t sure exactly how much a Bilar was worth, but I had a feeling that was a lot of money.
He must have read my expression, because he said, “You’re very infamous.”
“Why did you rescue me?” I asked.
“Because I’m your friend,” he replied simply.
We continued down the side street and came out onto a main road, which led down to the city gate. We went out with a stream of ox-carts, pedestrians, and hay-wagons through the huge stone archway. Because of our uniforms, we weren’t checked by the guards that patrolled the city entrance, with their helmets and sword-hilts gleaming in the sun. The insignia of a green serpent was emblazoned on their shields.
Once we were out of the city, we turned off onto a road that went away into a sparse green wood. And as soon as we were alone, we left the path. “Where are we going?” I asked Adeliah again.
This time he replied even more vaguely. “You’ll see.”
And as soon as we were on the other side of a bramble hedge and some trees, I did see.
Before us stood two horses, one brown and one black, whinnying and shifting their hooves.
“Do you think you’re fit enough to ride?” asked Adeliah. “It’s not far.”
“Hm… probably…” I walked up to the black horse, stroking its mane. It seemed familiar, somehow. The horse seemed to recognize me, too. It flicked its ears and pushed its nose towards me.
Suddenly it hit me, as though waking from a dream, that I didn’t even know the name of the man standing next to me. “So, what’s your name?” I asked quietly.
“Adeliah,” he replied. “And yours?”
I was about to reply when suddenly I stopped, realizing that I didn’t know. “Can you tell me?” I asked.
He sighed. “I was hoping you’d remember on your own, but… All right. Annika.”
Annika.
Time seemed to slow. The shapes of the horses in front of me blurred, not out of focus, but in motion.
I was remembering.

NEEEEEEEEXT! Because I can't say that Piper's helpful comment didn't count as an edit. -.-

PS: This whole chapter is a flashback. Normally I do flashbacks in a different font but with the Chatterbox that isn't really possible. So yeah.

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Chapter 3

I clutched the stallion’s mane and flattened myself in the saddle as the dark shapes of the trees streaked past me. The night rippled through my riding-cloak, snapping to a halt in a loose fold, and jerking itself loose with a flap. I glanced behind me. They were still there- behind Adeliah, and Sher, on her chestnut bay. The Royal Guard. They had caught wind of us, and now we were being hunted like foxes.
“Faster, Shadow,” I urged the horse. We raced onward. A leap over a low bush, a landing with a sudden jolt. I pursed my lips.
“Annika! Where are we going?” Sher called up to me. Sher was a woman in her early forties, with just a bit of gray hair. She was a good horseman and had taught me how to ride.
“Don’t worry,” I replied. “I have a plan.” Carefully I began to pull Shadow around in a wide loop back towards the road. Adeliah and Sher followed. When we reached the road again, the Royal Guard was a little behind. They hadn’t expected we’d come back here. We turned north, toward the river, and kept riding hard. They couldn’t be too far behind.
Finally, we stopped short where the road met the riverbank. A long bridge spanned the wide, rushing river. The horses snorted and stamped their hooves on the rocks, as eager to keep moving as we were.
“What now?” asked Adeliah.
“Well…” I was reluctant to tell him. “My idea will cost us a bag of gold.”
“Whatever it takes. But hurry!” Adeliah untied one of the bags of gold from his saddle and tossed it to me. I caught its unusually heavy weight expertly. I tied it to the edge of my own saddle, and then pulled out my knife. Quickly, I slit the bag while slapping the reigns on Shadow’s back. We leaped forward, and dashed across the bridge, scattering gold coins every which way. Once I was sure the bag was empty, I turned the reluctant Shadow around and rode back toward the others. Then we headed off down the riverbank.
“That should put them off our trail,” I told Adeliah, “especially if they decide to stop and pick up those coins.”

We stopped next to an overgrown rock ledge and dismounted. Eight of our men (and one woman) were waiting for us there. One of them sauntered up to me. “Greetings, Lady of the Red Cloak. You finally made it.”
“Finally? We were being chased by the Royal Guard-” I spun around. “Logan, what did you just call me?”
“Lady of the Red Cloak. Haven’t you heard? It’s what they call you now, apparently. That or just The Red Cloak.”
“They who?”
“Oh, them, people, you know. It could be worse.”
“How?”
“It could be the Great and Mighty Red Cloak.”
I snorted.
“Anyway,” he continued, “You can’t really blame them. They have to call you something. You can’t just be ‘that outlaw girl’ forever, now, can you? You’re something of a local hero.”
“Well!” I huffed, concealing my embarrassment. “I suppose I had better be. Going out and helping them like this, at night, in the pouring rain…” Large drops were beginning to fall.

Good, good! (BTW, this is the only post where I have critically read every word of every post. Your story is so good.)

On inkpop, is your name Emily L. with an adorable Goldren Retriever as your picture? I was just wondering. 

Okay, I know this is irrelevent to ths post, but I saw your inkpop page and am reading your book, beyond what you posted here. It's getting even better! Also, you say you're homeschooled, and that you're a Christian! So am I, on both counts. And I LOVE your title: The Legend of the Red Cloak. How did you think of it and how soon after you began the book? I'm in the mud when it comes to titles.

P.S. Sorry for all the questions. Just to let you know: I am a huge fan of your book and if it's published I'll start a fan club.

P.S. #2. (If you think I'm a spaz, you can tell me.)

I once considered getting an inkpop account, but I'm the kind of writer who keeps ever sentence she writes under her hat until she sends it out (or if she never does, no one will ever see it). And if I never posted my stories, I don't really see the reason to set up one. So I'll just continue to support your book behind the scenes with everyone else on the Chatterbox who likes it.

Okay, I usually never do this, but the "What's the code in the image" letters is ahit. A hit! That's your book all right, Emily.

All right, nobody gave me any edits so I'm only going to post a little this time.

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Chapter 4

I opened my eyes. “Adeliah! I remember!”
Surprise and joy spread over his face.
“Not everything, only a little,” I corrected myself. Seeing how crestfallen he looked, I added, “But it’s a start.” I told him about the one day I could recall. “Thankfully there’s enough information tied up in that one day to help me orient myself.
“I remember about my name now. What’s today’s date?”
“The date is March fifth,” said Adeliah.
“Right. I remember June twelfth. It’s been eight months.”
“Yes. Come, we can talk while we ride.”
After we had mounted, and started off at a canter, Adeliah said, “It’s a shame you can only remember one day. I was hoping you could help us shed light on recent events.”
“Shouldn’t you be telling me about recent events?”
“Well… It’s about your kidnapping.”
“Yes, apparently I was caught by the Royal Guard.”
“You were betrayed.”
“By who?” So far I only had memories of two people besides Adeliah: Sher and Logan. I couldn’t believe either of them could be a traitor.
“That’s the problem. We don’t know. In your absence, Sher and I are preventing everyone from leaving the camp until we find the traitor.”
“Good thinking,” I said. “Unfortunately I have no idea who it could have been. I hardly even remember most of the band members.”
“Well, now would probably be a good time to get to know them all.”
“I suppose so. What were the circumstances?”
“I’ll explain later. We’ve arrived.”

Wow, this is really good! I love your writing style, and the plot is really intriguing. Just a question: when you said the captain's uniform was a red cloak, and Annika was "Lady of the Red Cloak", was there supposed to be a connection there? If not, I think you should make the captain's uniform something different to avoid confusion. Otherwise, it's amazing!