Chatterbox: Pudding's Place

You are peacefully reading [insert title of your favorite book here] for the eleven-thousandth time when your phone rings. Loudly. In fact, you're pretty sure your phone doesn't usually have such an obnoxious, repetitive, blaring ringtone. Grimacing already, you pick up the phone, most likely about to snap at whoever has subjected you to such a horrible twelve seconds of torturous sound. Before you can do so, however, the person on the other side cuts you off, speaking in a fast, excited voice that sounds like someone from a TV commercial.

"You- yes, you, the person currently grumbling about irritating ringtones- have been invited to star- yes, I said STAR- on The Arbitrary Reality Show! The Arbitrary Reality Show's first season is currently being filmed in our glamorous studio that's very very far away from wherever you currently are- but don't worry about transport, we'll get you there. What you should worry about is not getting eliminated, because if you lose a challenge, you'll lose the chance to win our FABULOUS GRAND PRIZE! It's so fabulous, we CAN'T REVEAL WHAT IT IS! So get ready to WIN- or you'll lose and be sent home with nothing."
She hangs up abruptly, and you take a moment to stare at the phone in bewilderment before you realize you have suddenly been transported into a large limo. Next to you is a  suitcase in the neon color of your choosing. The voice from the call comes over the speakers in the sides of the limo walls.
"Welcome, lucky contestant! You'll soon arrive at the studio, where The Arbitrary Reality Show is being filmed. But first, you've got to pack! Just announce what you're bringing to the limo and it will all appear in the suitcase. I assure you, it's the more trendy equivalent of a carpet bag- everything will fit. 
Now, before you get to packing, you'll need some information. You've probably heard of "ski lodges." This is a lot like those- except no one dies! That's significantly more cheering than what most other ski lodges promise, isn't it? Instead of dying, contestants that are eliminated will be sent home in humiliation. Unless I like them very much, in which case they might be allowed to stay on as an extra. So you've got nothing to worry about, right? 
Oh, one more thing: you've been chosen to star, but you've got to earn it by being quick. Only NINE LUCKY PEOPLE can be contestants, so make haste! Sign up when the limo arrives, or you could lose your chance to win that FABULOUS GRAND PRIZE! Filming begins on July 11 (next Monday). Don't be late!"
And with that the voice stops. Well, you might as well sign up. That GRAND PRIZE does sound FABULOUS.
*Notice: Each contestant may bring one (1) alter ego and one (1) CAPTCHA if he or she wishes. Aes will be contestants. CAPTCHAs may provide assistance to their respective owners if such assistance is necessary, fair, and/or applicable but may not participate as contestants on their own.
submitted by The Host
(July 7, 2016 - 12:06 pm)

back to the Pudding's Place

Oh, I love the Princess Bride! Excellent choice.

submitted by Brookeira
(July 12, 2016 - 9:16 pm)
Day 2 Part 1
The second morning had everyone in a much better mood. Chester had slept on September's feet instead of her head, Owlgirl had found earplugs, and so spent a quiet night, and Bookworm had gotten Sandra to do her "Morning Wakeup Song" somewhere else. Everyone went down to breakfast without much to complain about.
Today's breakfast was scrambled eggs and bacon, so, naturally, the Æs had toast, fruit loops, and Pop Tarts. Thankfully, they weren't torturing Mrs. Elton this time. A rather different discussion was taking place.
"So," Arwen turned to Fúdìmó, "What's with the robe, anyway?"
Fúdìmó raised an eyebrow, as if daring her to continue. "Excuse me?"
She bit a piece of bacon. "I mean," she said, chewing loudly, "Why do you wear it?"
Fúdìmó eyed her with distaste. "A muggle like you wouldn't understand."
"What, so because you have magic powers you have to wear a bathrobe all day?" The rest of the table had begun to listen to the exchange.
"It's not a bathrobe," Fúdìmó said stiffly. "And Harry wears one too, by the way."
"She's got a fair point, though," Owlgirl remarked. "Do the robes really have a purpose?"
"Well, they look cool," September said. Fúdìmó looked smug. "They get all billowy in the wind."
"So the robes are for aesthetic purposes," Kestrel concluded.
"Well it's not like wizards know how to look good in muggle clothing."
Fúdìmó gaped in shock.
"Hey, she's right," Mei said. "Sorry, Fúdìmó, but remember the guy at the Quidditch World Cup?"
"The one in the poncho or the one in the nightgown?" Shadowmoon asked. 
"Both, I suppose." They giggled. "There are some things wizards just aren't good at."
Insulted at being told Muggles were superior to him in anything, Fúdìmó thrust his chair back with a bang. "All those well-dressed Muggles certainly regretted it when I-"
"Okay, calm down." The Host said. "I have to announce the second challenge."
"Well, do it then." The haughty Æ crossed his arms. 
"Challenge Two is a scavenger hunt," The Host said. "And don't bother looking for the items early, because they're not even hidden yet and you don't know what they are, anyway. The hunt starts at eleven, so meet back here at ten before."
The group murmured their consent. 
"Okay, go back to whatever you were doing."
"So who do you think had the idea that wizards should wear robes anyway?"
Fúdìmó left in disgust.
submitted by The Host
(July 13, 2016 - 9:18 am)
Day 2 Part 2
The Host met everyone in the main hall at ten of eleven. "Today's challenge, as you know, is a scavenger hunt. We have lists of items for you-" Several crew members came in from various doors and handed out large envelopes and backpacks. "-but don't open them until I say, or you'll be disqualified. The backpacks are for you to put your items in. Now for the rules: you may not take any items but the ones on your list. You may not try to stop other people from retrieving their items. And no pies, please, I don't want congealed cream all over the place. Bring back all the items on your list by 12: 45 and you will have completed the task. Oh, and your CAPTCHAs can help you for this one. Got it?"
There was a chorus of positive responses.
"Great! Let's start! You may now look at your lists."
The CBers and Æs opened the envelopes and pulled out sheets of brightly colored paper. 
"A vase painted with purple ladybugs?" September read. "Any chance you've seen that, Chester?" 
The cat cocked his head in question.
"How about a script for The Lion King, Jr.?"
Chester paused, then leaped from September's arms and darted out of the room.
"Guess he has, then."
Throughout the room, similar discussions were taking place:
"Oh, I remember seeing a painting of a coffee shop in the second floor hallway. Let's go, Hazel!" And Leafpool was off.
"I don't recall seeing that...or that...a zebra? Goodness...Oh, I remember seeing a bush of white roses outside! They were lovely." Soon Mrs. Elton had also left.
"What do you think, Micna? I remember seeing this perfume jar on the sink in one of the bathrooms. Maybe we should find that first." And then Owlgirl had departed as well.
Soon enough the only person left in the main room was the Host. "It's amazing what you can find at yard sales," she said to herself. "That neon orange plaster cupcake must have been painted by a very creative child."
By 12:45 every CBer had come back to the main room and laid a heavy backpack on the table. The Host smiled at them. "Nice job, everybody! Now, we've just got to make sure everyone collected every item, so you can head to your rooms while we check." More crew members entered as the CBers exited. 
A few minutes later one held up an unfamiliar piece of pottery. The Host frowned and walked over from where she was examining the contents of Mirax's bag. She checked the item against the contestant's list. "It's the wrong one," she said grimly, then lamented, "I hate eliminating people."
Ten minutes later the contestants entered the main room again, all looking slightly nervous. Had they messed up one of the items? Did they misread the list?
"Unfortunately, one of you retrieved an incorrect item," the Host said. The nervous contestants grew even more anxious. "So, regrettably, I'm going to have to eliminate September."
September hid her disappointment. It wasn't like everyone could win... "Which item did I miss?" She asked.
"The purple vase," the Host said. "These are scarab beetles, not ladybugs. I'm actually not really sure where this vase came from."
"That's mine," Stan muttered sheepishly, moving forward to snatch the vase from the Host's hand.
Everyone watched, faintly bewildered, as the Æ ran to put the strange vase in his room.
"Everyone else completed the challenge, however, so congratulations. Breakfast will be held tomorrow at the same time, where I will announce the third challenge. Nice job everyone!" The CBers filed out.
"Would you like to stay, September? Leafpool's helping out with some of the challenges we'll be doing later this week."
"That's okay," the CBer shrugged. "I have camp next week, anyway."
"Alright then. It was nice having you on the show!"
"Yeah, thanks." And with that September left.
Left alone, the Host shook her head. "Scarab beetles," she murmured. "Who'd have thought?"
submitted by The Host
(July 14, 2016 - 4:32 pm)

*opens perfume*

Wonder why it smells like. Hmm...Now which way is the little hole facing...

*sprays herself in the eye* 

*drops perfume*

AAAAAACK! 

submitted by Owlgirl
(July 14, 2016 - 5:16 pm)

Yay this is so good, thank you Host! I wonder where Stan got that vase...?

Well, if you must know, I inherited it from my 4th cousin 3 times removed's aunt's father's evil twin, who bought it from a goldfish shop which also sells antique vases from Scandinavian sheep.

Wow. Why would you bring a vase to a game show?

Well obviously those Scandinavian sheep worked very hard collecting scarab beetles and gluing them onto the vase, made specially by the Peruvian Elephants and Bulgarian llammas. They probably had to go the the many hardships of finding the very best beetles and using the Immobulus charm and un-grossifying them and finding the exact right shade of purple, made by the famous Chilean plums that don't exist, which probably meant that they had to send a fully armed battalion of angry chipmunks to find them and make them into the angry purple paint of the Cat God, Hairball, who must have had to give them special permission to use his paint and therefore must have had to find Lin-Manuel Miranda to bestow his magic upon the vase.

Ooook then... 

submitted by The Riddler
(July 15, 2016 - 10:00 pm)
Sorry if I'm not posting much. It seems that as soon as one sits down to write, one finds one's head surprisingly bare of ideas. :-) Here's day three!
Day 3 Part 1
The morning of Day 3 was actually relatively normal, which surprised everyone. Everyone woke up on their own or with the help of alarm clocks (and even the alarms were somehow pleasant) and breakfast went off without a hitch (although the Æs were still managing to eat food that hadn't been served). Of course, this spell of normalcy was broken when Arwen suggested a game of tag. 
Well, actually, it wasn't that she suggested it so much as she snuck up behind Fúdìmó, smacked him on the shoulder, and shouted, "You're it!"
Fúdìmó did not receive that well (he rarely receives anything well). He whipped around, wand out, but Arwen had vanished, sprinting down the hall and around the corner. Frustrated, he turned and tagged the nearest person- Saphira. 
Saphira looked around, eyes glinting. When she caught sight of her counterpart trying to discreetly exit, she saw her opportunity. Shadowmoon didn't like the sly look in Saphira's eyes as she walked casually toward her. She backed away, then turned and dashed down a corridor, the dragon-girl in hot pursuit.
Mirax was standing in the hallway with a bagel. As she was eating her bagel (it was toasted with butter), she was feeling very grateful for the relative peacefulness of the morning. It was all very pleasant until Shadowmoon came careening down the hall, crashing into Mirax and knocking her tasty bagel to the ground. Mirax was still lamenting the loss of such a delicious breakfast when a breathless, laughing Shadowmoon tapped her and said, "You're it," then took off.
For a moment Mirax merely continued to frown at her lost bagel. Then what Shadowmoon had said filtered through. Tag? She'd play tag. She ran after Shadowmoon, a slightly wicked-looking grin on her face. 
Soon enough, the only people not running or tripping or tagging were Mrs. Elton, who deemed the whole thing unseemly, and the Host, who was feeling rather put out at not being able to dramatically announce the third challenge. Still, she watched the proceedings with amusement. Earlier Owlgirl had come through riding Saphira in dragon form, shouting something about "Taking this horse by the reins." (The raucous game of tag had evolved into an elaborate game of "Cops and Robbers" that involved several feuding teams of each and some double agents. Owlgirl was enjoying being a cop.)
Then, Brookeira had dashed through, brandishing a formidable blaster and yelling at MP, who was running away, laughing in a way that sounded slightly deranged and pieing everything she could aim her launcher at.
After that, Bookworm and The Riddler had trapped Kestrel in the main room, who proved to be surprisingly speedy at picking locks (she was taking her role as a robber very seriously).
All this and more The Host and Mrs. Elton watched, the former with an amused grin (and at times an outright laugh) and the latter with expressions ranging from faintly condescending to completely outraged. 
When, at last, all the robbers had been caught (with many promises of revenge) and all feuds resolved (which happened rather quickly considering how tough both the criminals and police officers had acted previously) the exhilarated CBers and Æs arrived in the main room to hear what the third challenge would be.
Pleased to have an audience once again, The Host called for order. "Now, I'm sure you're all curious about the third challenge..." The contestants looked on excitedly.
"So here it is. The third challenge is..." Here The Host paused. Just as everyone was beginning to get frustrated, she continued. "Sorry, suspense is fun. The third challenge is jigsaw puzzles."
"Jigsaw puzzles?" Mei-xue asked. 
"Well, there'll be a time limit."
"Oh." That made a bit more sense.
"The challenge starts at eleven, so please meet me here at ten of. I'll see you then!" The Host strode out, leaving some faintly nonplussed contestants. 
"That's surprisingly normal-sounding," Kestrel said. 
"Well, they all sound normal at first, don't they?" Shadowmoon pointed out. 
"True." The contestants went to their respective rooms to get ready (though none of them were quite sure how they ought to prepare for jigsaw puzzle assemblage).
submitted by The Host
(July 16, 2016 - 8:43 pm)

Tag! You're it!

I'm not a horse! 

Loved the post, Host!

Tara: That rhymed! 

submitted by Shadowmoon
(July 17, 2016 - 10:18 am)

I LOVED that! It was really funny. It's now my favorite post so far. I literally started cracking up out loud at me riding Saphira rapping Guns and Ships...it's so ridiculous, and that Hamilton reference sealed it up. I started laughing, and we're at a restaurant now, so I got a few funny looks, including from my mom. Can't wait for more of the story (and the Hamilton references) 

Gotta give you lots of smileys: dang it they don't work now...I'll just do emoticons....

:)

:)

:)

:)

:) 

submitted by Owlgirl
(July 17, 2016 - 2:26 pm)

Wow Kestrel, I didn't know you were so good at picking locks! You'll have to teach me.

Love the Hamilton references by the way!!! 

submitted by The Riddler
(July 20, 2016 - 1:11 pm)

The Host would like to tell Saphira that she in no way intended to insinuate that Saphira was a horse. The line was a Hamilton reference and was quoted because "Guns and Ships" is a  victorious/warlike song and it seemed like something a Hamilton fan like Owlgirl would sing/rap as she went into battle against the robbers. You can rest assured that the Host is of the opinion that you are a good deal more fabulous than a horse. :-)

Also, thank you to Owlgirl for the smiles. 

submitted by The Host
(July 17, 2016 - 6:25 pm)
Day 3 Part 2
At 10:50 exactly, Mrs. Elton marched into the main hall in a whirl of petticoats and politeness (does Mrs. Elton wear petticoats? She seems like the kind of person to wear petticoats). Some of the other contestants were already there, but Mrs. Elton prided herself on the fact that she was the only one to arrive precisely on time. Being early can, at times, be considered just as rude as being late, after all.
Meanwhile, Bookworm and Kestrel were having a friendly debate about the earlier game of Cops and Robbers. Kestrel insisted that she had easily escaped "jail," and so the robbers had won. Bookworm pointed out that she had only been able to escape because everyone was busy going to hear what the third challenge was.  Kestrel countered that the police should always be vigilant, regardless of what important announcements might be going on; after all, they had let a criminal like her escape. And then The Host was clearing her throat- everyone had arrived. 
"The third challenge starts in-" she checked her watch. "Nine minutes and twenty six seconds. So I have just enough time to lay out the rules.
Each person completes the challenge alone. We have several puzzle rooms, so several of you will be able to go at a time. 
You must solve the puzzle within an hour. If you do, you have completed the challenge. If you can complete three quarters or more of the puzzle in an hour, without being able to finish, you will receive an extra fifteen minutes to complete the puzzle. If you can finish the puzzle in that time, you have completed the challenge. If you cannot finish three quarters of the puzzle by the time an hour has passed, you will be eliminated.
You may enlist your CAPTCHAs to provide assistance. They'll be helpful for the lifting.
And...that's it! Group 1 will be going first. That's Owlgirl, Arwen, Saphira, Kestrel..." The Host continued to list names. The CBers looked at one another. Lifting?
When the Host finished listing the names, the contestants followed her to a hall with doors labeled "Puzzle Room 1," "Puzzle Room 2," "Puzzle Room 11," etc.  The Host instructed each member of Group 1 to stand in front of one of the doors. The timers would start five seconds after the doors opened. The nervous contestants nodded anxiously.
Suddenly the doors automatically swung open. The Group 2 contestants had a moment to hear the gasps from Group 1 before the doors banged shut. Mei continued to look at the door, as if by demystifying the door she could solve the mystery of what lay in the room beyond."What do you think made them gasp like that?"
Brookeira shrugged. "The 'random' part we've been missing?"
"They probably should have expected that," Stan pointed out. "I mean, they're on The Arbitrary Reality Show, after all."
Brookeira shrugged again. "We're still a little confused about the whole 'not-dying' part. Guess it turns out we're not that hard to surprise."
The Host got the contestants' attention. "This'll probably be a while, so you can go back to your rooms if you want. Meet back here at five of twelve."
Forty-nine minutes later, Mrs. Elton took Mirax by the hand and dragged her downstairs. Brookeira could be seen doing the same with MP- she had taken away her pie launcher.  Stan wasn't being dragged- though he was dragging his feet an awful lot. And Fúdìmó utterly refused to be dragged, threatening that anyone who attempted it would die a painful death. 
Shadowmoon walked downstairs feeling cheery and unencumbered. Saphira had been perfectly willing to do the puzzle (she wanted the prize very badly) and, at any rate, had been in Group 1. No dragging to be done today. The CBer stood in front of her door (Number 17 1/2) feeling cheerful and reasonably confident. 
The Host called "Open!" and the doors swung open. Shadowmoon heard The Riddler's groan and Mei's "That would be why." before she could fully take in what she was seeing.
It was a jigsaw puzzle all right. A jigsaw puzzle whose pieces were the size of two pillows laid next to each other (Okay, so that's an undramatic comparison. But they were very big puzzle pieces). For a moment Shadowmoon just stared at the pieces strewn about the room. Then, remembering the time limit, she turned to Luna. 
"Let's find the edges first. You take that side of the room."
Luna barked in response, her mouth open in a wolfish smile.
Throughout the other rooms, the other contestants were off to a similar start. Everyone had begun by using the "edges-first" approach, although Fúdìmó was attempting some strange, very difficult-looking magic in order to locate the inside pieces, while Mirax had learned that Whistler could echolocate, and so was employing Whistler in finding the more difficult pieces.
At the end of the hour, three contestants had finished. The rest were close. Members of the The Arbitrary Reality Show crew came into each room to check whether contestants had the required three quarters of the puzzle completed.
Shadowmoon watched the crew member counting her pieces in growing apprehension. She'd been close to finishing, she knew that. But was it close enough?
The crew member stood. "I'm sorry," she said. "You're, um...you're one piece short of three quarters."
Shadowmoon paused. "What?"
"You didn't reach three quarters."
"By one piece?" Shadowmoon was in disbelief. 
"I'm really sorry, we can't make exceptions."
"No, no, I understand." Shadowmoon sighed. She supposed she wouldn't be receiving hat grand prize now.
The other contestants had all met the three-quarters quota. Shadowmoon wished those who weren't finished luck as she went to her room to pack.
Fifteen minutes later, everyone had completed the puzzle. The Host smiled at the contestants, who had once again convened in the main room.
"Congratulations, everybody, for passing this challenge! You're one step closer to the Grand Prize! I'll see you tomorrow." And The Host walked out, each heel clicking merrily as it hit the ground. 
For a moment everything was quiet among the contestants. Then-
"I've got 'Risk' upstairs..." Bookworm said tentatively, hoping not to worsen the already tense mood. Three eliminations already. "Anyone want to play?"
"Are you seriously giving MP a chance to take over the world?" Brookeira asked. 
"Um, on second thought-" Bookworm was about to retract her suggestion when MP cut her off.
"Take over the world? YES! Let's do this! My army shall destroy each and every one of you!" The bandit-like pastry-lover laughed gleefully. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."
Bookworm went pale. 
"Don't worry, she's got no clue what she's doing," Brookeira assured her.
She was right. When the game began, MP spread her armies across the board, placing them in countries whose names "sounded the most like pies." She was out by the fourth round.
This left the CBers free to have a slightly less ridiculous competition. For the next few hours, yells of "A TWO?! Seriously!?" and "Ha ha, I've got Greenland!" And "Try attacking me when I've got twenty armies there!" Could be heard throughout the studio. There were also several gasps of horrified shock, most of which came from Mrs. Elton. The match ended in a five-way draw, due to the fact that Risk can take more than three hours, and even CBers are not patient enough to wait that long for world domination. 
submitted by The Host
(July 19, 2016 - 4:53 pm)

Ooh, I want to play Risk now!!! I'll ask my mom after dinner...maybe we can!

Micna says favi. I guess Risk is one of her favorites too. 

submitted by Owlgirl
(July 19, 2016 - 7:07 pm)

Oooh this is so good! I loved the tag game and the game of Risk. And, of course, the Hamilton references.

Grrr Charles is being mind controlled by my mom's computers auto-correct, and is getting everything wrong. 

submitted by The Riddler
(July 20, 2016 - 1:19 pm)

Ah, well, I tried! Loved the post! I'll definitely keep reading! I get excited every time I see there's a new day of this!

Saphira: And thank you, Host, for pointing out that dragons are much more wonderful then horses. 

And I applaud the Hamilton! All of it! 

submitted by Shadowmoon
(July 19, 2016 - 7:51 pm)

See you on the other side of the war, Shadowmoon.

submitted by Owlgirl
(July 20, 2016 - 10:13 am)
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