Lost in the Universe

~~~~~~~~~~

Lost in the Universe,

expanding, sprawling;

Never-endingly diverse,

vast silence enthralling;

Glmmering stars,

nebulai twirling;

Beyond the atmosphere's bars

an ocean of bejeweled sails unfurling;

A sea of soulful colours, playful lights dancing,

alongside Night's ebony mares--

Leaping, prancing-- utterly entracing,

yet shunning the milkyway's cold stare. 

Blank Space:

An empty canvas,

Deep cavities gaping,

The blank, glazed-over eyes

I never thought I'd see again,

but are now

irreversably bent.

Cold, unforgiving; no longer

Quite human, once a myriad

of swirling colours, now

reduced to the

inescapable emptyness

of a black hole.

galactical pt. 2- space (orion)

what is the void that all of the

silenced voices call home? the width of a finger, infinite

depth between. when i look up each

night, i see a face darkened by the

shadows our sins have cast, starry eyes and

velvety hair of stardust.

what does space look like to

our eyes, ink on a 

white page? and what is the night to every

passing soul, greeting the 

stars where they stand?

every innocent hand pens a fluttering eyelash closed as they

depict our darkened heavens.

what do we mean to the hunter shining above us, ethereally

built, tenfolding upon his grace; or

are we nothing at all?

but the sky bears our

wishes even as they die away, the 

planets ensnare our vision as they steal our eyes away, the

moon sends us racing for the glory unattained, and the

sun rises in the east and still yet begins our day.

for our lives are woven by the sky, and

to the sky- one day- we shall return.

~~ well, that certainly was a lot of fun to write. ^^ I really got creative with font on this one, so I'll attach a screenshot to show it cause, I dunno, I just think it's cool, I suppose. (I couldn't get the whole poem in the picture though)

It's judging time! It's funny, I love participating in this contest (in fact, I think it's responsible for a lot of my growth as a poet!), but judging is usually really tough, even though I don't always get many participants. But today, I sat down to judge right after hearing some kinda sad news (my school finally canceled for the rest of the year) and it's been a great outlet, I guess? So, as usual, thank you and congratulations to everyone who participated, for putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard and writing your hardest. And, everyone can take a bonus one of each, for personally cheering me up. And, of course, without further ado:

Honorable Mention: Estelle

Your poem was really evocative. I loved how the images each meant something on their own, and combined to create the greater feel of your poem. It felt nebulous and moody and full of feeling, while still staying true to the poem's theme of a lack of feeling-- a contradiction that I imagine took no small amount of skill to write. The only critique I have is that it felt so murky and moody that it felt like more of a vague feeling than a concise narrative. That is to say-- the overall mood is spot on, but some of the individual lines were confusing.

Third Place: Winterblue

I liked the overall sense of unity in this poem-- it's clear you had a good handle on exactly what you wanted your poem to be, and where you wanted to take it. The images were clear and I loved your personification of Earth. The flow and length of the poem was nice, too. It wasn't too long or too short-- with the exception of a few unnecessary crunch words, you spent just the right amount of words on each idea. You also did a great job of making your concepts feel fresh and unique, even with very well known ideas. For example, the Earth as a protective mother certainly isn't new, but you made it feel fresh, and I loved your description of clouds as "like strips of gauze"-- it felt unique even the second time I read it. In terms of critique, I do feel like I should mention how you didn't put spaces between the second and third words of several lines. I wasn't sure if it was a typo or if it was intentional, but it did distract from the poem. That said I make typos in my work all the time, so my better critique is to try to make it clearer what exactly you were trying to say. Like I said, you had a very clear overall idea for this poem, but sometimes it got a bit murky in execution-- some of the lines were a bit conflicting or cliched. Again, though, good ideas, great flow, spectacular poem!

Second Place: Jaybells

Jaybells, I'm always amazed at your abilities to use rhyme and meter in your poems. It's incredibly difficult to do well, and you seem to always accomplish it with ease. Sometimes I feel restrained by the rhyming format, but you always inspire me to try again with it. This star-sprinkled masterpiece flows in a way that makes me want to read it over and over again. I always feel like good poems want to be read out loud, but this begs to be vocalized. I also love how dynamic the imagery is in this poem-- every verb has an -ing on it and it gives the distinct impression that nothing in your described universe is ever static. While the personification was great, I did feel like this poem didn't have a ton of substance-- your narrative was a bit scattered. This poem was great as is, but it would've been amazing if you'd been as streamline with your ideas as you were with your rhythm, mood, and images. And, wow, that imagery was beautiful-- like I said, you conveyed lots of motion with your active verbs, without disrupting he quiet stillness of the your subject itself-- the universe.

And finally... that's right, it's drumroll time... ladies, gentleman, and other wordsmiths of the Chatterbox Poetry Contest... give it up for...

First Place: Luna-Starr AND Kitten!!

Before I get into feedback, I am aware that a tie for first place is both unconventional and impractical, as it raised the question of who gets to judge next round. Worry not, I have both reasons and explanations. Beginning with the former, while I was judging this round, I was having trouble deciding which of these two phenominal poems would win first place, and I noticed that I my deciding factor kept coming back to who would get to judge next round. I realized that they must have genuinely been equal in my mind to have let such a trivial factor decide the winner, so I've decided that it's a tie. "But, Stardust," I hear you say, "this doesn't actually solve our problem!" "Who will get to judge next round?" To which I say, be patient, I told you I'd get to that. Unless anyone has objections, I thought it would be fair to have Kitten judge the next round, if just because Luna-Starr has judged so often recently. Alright, thanks for indulging my tangent, now let's get to the actual feedback!

Luna-Starr-- this poem is seriously fantastic. This may be one of the better pieces I've read on here, and when I was new and didn't know how it worked, I read this entire thread, so I hope that's saying something. The image and mood of the whole thing is palpable-- I feel like I'm gazing up in awe at a universe painted in fancy black ink and purpley-blue watercolor. And yet, you didn't get lost in the vastness of it either-- your poem comprehended the unknowable-ness of the universe more fully because you kept it smartly grounded on Earth. Your concept was solid and complete, and you were able to build off of it without distracting from it, and the message is just visible enough to be fully felt, without being too overt or cliched. The word choice is incredibly deliberate, too-- you kept in mind sound and connotation in nearly every individual word, and it pays off in a great atmosphere and flow. The flow was especially good in your last few lines, so that I felt the poem drawing to a close as your question was answered just as much as I read it. I loved your especially clear image of the universe as a face looking down on us-- it was beautiful and unique and evocative. I can't pick a favorite line, but I especially loved the 4th-6th, the 9th-12th, and the 19th-21st. Yes, I know, that's like half of your poem. Ok, I'm rambling on and on, so real quick before I lose everyone's collective interest, let's talk about the font. I never thought of using fonts in my poems like that, I thought it was really creative. While at first I thought it was a bit distracting, it defenitely added something to the poem, and I wish I could've seen the whole thing like that. I especially liked how you used it to emphasize the last line of your first stanza, "are we nothing at all?" definitely hit harder like that.

Kitten-- I was amazed at your poem to begin with, and then you turned in a revision that was somehow even better! Your interpretation of the prompt was by far my favorite-- it was extremely evocative and unique. Like some of the other participants, I could tell that you had a clear vision of this poem from beginning to end, but it stood out because you were able to communicate that vision so well as a poem. You really hit the nail on the head line after line-- there wasn't so much as a weak syllable in your whole poem. I feel like writing a poem is always a bit of a balance between explaining metaphors away and making them unclear, but you were right in that metaphorical-Goldilocks zone. You spent just the right amount of time on each comparison and idea for the reader to fully comprehend them, then moved on to the next one. Oh boy, I'm rambling again and I haven't even gotten to my favorite part: the emotions. As I read this poem, I felt like I was sinking further and further into a dark, bleak ocean of dispair. It's the best kind of evocative prose, the kind that feels like it reached into your heart and pulled out the feelings too intense and confused to describe, and then inked them out onto paper. And I'm not just saying that-- maybe it's because the world is crazy right now, or the bad news I heard, but the end of this poem really hit me. The atmosphere of dispair in this poem sticks around after you finish reading it in a way that makes you want to cry. I can't be positive, but this poem really feels like you did something that I think is incredibly hard to do-- you put a piece of yourself in your words. I can't pick a favorite line here, either, but I really loved the 4th-5th and the 7th-9th. Again, you can tell how much I loved this because half of the poem is my favorite line, haha.

Again, congratulations to everyone-- both for participating and for reading through my endless rambling :) 

So this is like, my second time doing poems. Soo XD

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Shattered

Like broken glass 

I think every time I cry will be my last

But there are always tears on my desk

I try to always be my best

But I fear there is no hope

So I will put my mask on

And walk though my day with a smile don

Upon my face

Just as I celebrate getting though the day

The next day comes, knocking my celebrations away

I look up, and to my surprise 

The clouds went away, letting the sun arise.

I guess, maybe, just maybe

There is hope after all.

-------------------------------------

So this is kinda a sad poem.. (Because I found out I'm good at writing sad poems.)

But yea 

CAPTCHA just said robmi. Why would I want to rob you?

Well, this came out kind of rushed, and a little dark... ahem. Anyway, here you go!

Hopes Crushed

I've lost hope.

Life is not the perfect storybook world I've always believed in.

I wish I could warn

the children trailing behind their mothers

gazing up at the sky, lost in thought

that the exception is more common than the norm,

that roundabouts abound

on this busy street called fate.

I wish I could warn them

that the world defies expectations,

giving you lemons just to watch your face pucker

and feeding you nonsense and lies

till you grow fat and complacent on anything and everything but

the cold, hard truth.

And yes,

some part of me wants to blithely crush their dreams

the way mine were crushed before

and are still being crushed today

because I've lost hope

so what's left to lose? 

Hope:

Singing its siren song,

fluttering farther than 

ever imagined;

Broken:

shattering, crashing to

to the ground, unbeknownst;

unnoticed by the world--

One 

can never know

how far they can fly if they

never spread their wings 

to try

Or

save themselves

the pain and humiliation

that comes with all

knowledge

One can be

Whomever they

Want;

Granted they stay

In the bindings and toils

Of life’s laws

The world is bright;

Filled with undiscovered

Treasures

But incredibly dark

and cold beyond all collective

Imagination,

Maybe the chance

that something better

is out there

Paves a path to pain

and emmense suffering that nobody

simply ever thought to see.

When

you said that

we

could never

be

seperated

by darkness;

When

my heart leap

as

they agreed

to

our alliance;

When

I turn my eyes

to

the heavens,

knowing--

hoping--

that  there is more

to 

the world

than

first

meets

the eye;

that is when

hope

will truly fly. 

This is an acrostic! I'm usually pretty bad at those, and this is definitely a different style than my usual, but I'm satisfied with it.

go seek

one. i find the loving touch of hope brushing gently against my cheek whenever i search the tiniest pockets of me. the sound of a soaring soprano voice. the earthy twang of a guitar string as skilled fingers slide from chord to chord. the pool of stars shining through the car window as we drive home from a visit to grandma’s. an existence decked in every small joy, a voice heard in the silence of a memory.

two. all the world may see a dazzled, flowing figure, gorgeous beyond human; to me hope is all freckles and tan lines and dimples and stray pieces of hair. she laughs under a summer sun and gets a mustache of milk and scrapes her knees on the sidewalk downtown.

maybe to grasp something so big we must see it as greater than us.

three. sometimes hope likes to play hide and seek. She is very good at it.

tomorrow she may hide so well i give up. but maybe not.

i know lots of her usual spots. But she’s clever.

loud as i may call, she plays by the rules. She does not respond until i find her first.

lines crease my forehead in concentration as i search.

four. hope will always be found in the end. a path will open, i will follow, she will be waiting.

every game is a trial. she doesn’t mean it to be.

ready or not, here i come; ready or not, she will begin the game. she is stubborn too. but she is always ready to be found.

even when she feels truly lost, she will whisper: “i am still here.” and she always is.