11/21/20 

soft rain on windows I always forget to be grateful for

a pencil on one side & headphones on the other

i can hear dad snoring from downstairs, and if i listen ever harder, i hear the stars

bright in a clear sky & a place my mind likes to wander

my lips are chapped and a small paper crane watches me on the shelf near my head

rusty voice and a twangy guitar sing softly in my head

and a finger traces my jawline:

inhale, exhale, 10pm and a poem 

~~~~~

Boo says "roagr" 

She reaches out towards the light

Through deep, dark, murky, blue clouds in water

Reach for the light, that golden-tinted light

That illuminates your heart, clearing away

Blue misted tears and nebulai of beneath

glassy surface, clawing away at painted, jaded lids.

But stray not your thoughts, for all attention 

Is affixed, on that clear, lovely light yellow light ahead

It shines away, through it all, leaving greenish glow

Through sea-borne shadows that ooze and creep 

Through the drifting silt, you glimpse that glorious sight;

You reach-- the tides pulls you away

You tug-- only to be rebuffed by fate

You stuggle-- but the sea soon sends you, exhausted, to lay.

Finally, in resting your weary arms

In letting your feet settle to the bottom

Letting the breath slip from your lips 

A sheen, a shimmering green, from behind it all shows

And suddenly you are tossed forwards,

Propelled a strength you could never have

And there you see, glittering

The Legendary Light.

Arms encircling around the waist

A soft warm breath from somewhere behind

The curve of lips in a hidden smile.

You smell like rain, taste like honey-sunshine

and feel like summer breeze.

I want to stay grounded by your side,

But suddenly I'm too far far far away

Somewhere lost in the universe, too many miles away.

Once you said that, 'Sometimes it feels

like you'll just blow right away.' You laughed after that.

Once you told me, 'It's like your head is in the clouds,

You're busy over there, but still so darn perfect.' A smile.

I feel like that too-- except for the perfect. It's like I'm

half-way 'round the world, my mind somewhere else,

maybe happier. Scary.

You watch me with those gorgeous eyes, filled with life,

Brimming with affection. 'You know, even though you're right here,

It sometimes seems like you're somewhere else, far away.' You still stayed.

Why? Why do you choose to stay? When it's so much harder?

You say I feel galaxies away, then please don't make me feel

like I'm a broken promise, an unwanted charter.

I know you're not trying to be mean

but when I also feel like this,

I fear, but don't want

to ever leave

you behind

me.

Seven nights

And then it's over;

Vermilion fades like autumn leaves,

Everything collecting a dull aged mist.

/

Through the static-y cameras, 

Heeding the minute twitches and

Enigmatic, perhaps agonized, stares of

Metal frames encased and "given flesh." 

/

did you get the message?

that's right.

/

/

you can't. 

Life is like a movie

the earth needs saving as usual

there are surprises and plot twists around every bend

and we,

the characters,

we decide the end.

this is only a work in progress. The first part isn't very good. I like the end, though. 

afterparty

aftershave

dad's beer glasses clink

and clink and clink,

the music from the stereo pounding my swimming head

as i lie on the carpet

by the fireplace.

my heart is tired,

assailed constantly by friends leaving me and

continued isolation and the poison words from my whipped cream mouth

"i'm exhausted by being around you"

she said.

when can i learn to

be better than i am?

i stuff my fingers into the pocket of my sweatshirt.

if i was exactly what they needed,

my few friends wouldn't leave, 

i remind myself.

"someday you'll find someone who needs you," 

she said. 

but i expect, ten to one, my soul will perish before then. 

i blink back tears

and dance my free hand dangerously close to the flames.  

--

I like, just wrote this//best read while listening to Liability by Lorde//I had a kind of not-great day today :l 

Memories of that place

i don't quite know.

where the walls were

tall, mighty.

where the windows were

large, impressive.

but i'm looking through a

frosted windowpane

seeing shadows and

reflections but

not quite the right

image.

a half finished

portrait

of a lost identity.

i wonder what those

missing brush strokes

used to be

and if i will ever know truly what they were.

Memories of that place

i don't quite remember

where footsteps echoed

and

light danced

across the walls.