April 18th~ nightmare

This is no daydream, no harmless fantasy

you’re looking in on someone else’s nightmare, 

this is not what you remember, not what you dreamed up as a small child

There’s no way this could be someone’s highest aspiration

there’s no way these unspeakable horrors could be what

you wanted the most

someone made a mistake and it wasn’t you

The reality around you is your fault

you’re painfully aware of it

someone made a mistake and maybe it was you

This is no daydream, no harmless fantasy-

they were right

This is a nightmare. 

April 19th~ mirror

the mirror is grounding,

sometimes-

even if i hate what i see in it-

sometimes.

it’s a reminder that i’m here

i’m real, i’m not just a mirage

i’m a real person

with a real reflection

i’m not a ghost, not a phantom of the me

i used to be, even if

it feels that way-

sometimes-

it’s a reminder that i have to keep going

for me, for everyone who needs me

if i disappeared, it would not go unnoticed

if i disappeared, the world would cry for me

the mirror is grounding,

sometimes.

it’s a reminder that i am something

always. 

...

I already broke my promise. *covers face* I'm so sorry XD 

April 20th~ stranger than fiction

what if we’re all just characters in a book?

side characters, not the heroes- 

the ones who make an appearance once

maybe twice, in that chapter everyone seems to forget about

the ones our author never really developed

so we developed ourselves

what if we’re all beautiful stories that were never told?

what if everything that’s ever happened

is a product of some child in a faraway universe’s imagination?

maybe in an alternate reality I dreamed up

someone dreamed up me

life’s strange sometimes

some of the things we go through could only happen in someone’s dark imagination

someone’s darkest nightmares

we don’t all get a happy ending, but

maybe our world will, maybe the author is planning a 

happily-ever-after for us after all-

I’d like to think that’s how it is. 

I like this one :D

April 21st~ glitch

“hi there

we haven’t talked in a while, did I

...do something?”

almost automatically, 

the backspace key does its job

click click click click

middle finger knows what to do

after all this time, it

presses presses presses

click click click click

time to start over

“hi

I really miss you

could I call you sometime?”

no, definitely not, then you’d have to explain

click click click, backspace key says

you’re not brave enough to hit send

(or to explain it face-to-face)

middle finger presses presses presses

“hey, this might seem weird

but we haven’t talked lately, I

was wondering if I did something?

this is out of the blue and kind of random,

I know, but I just wanted

to make sure everything’s okay…”

finger hovers over the enter key

no, you can’t

you’re not brave enough

middle finger starts do do its job but

the system glitched, because the

message just sent

maybe your fingers know more than your brain

sometimes, because

it turned out she was just busy. 

~~

Note: This might just be how I type (I'm not sure if other people do this too or not but just in case) but I use my middle finger to hit backspace/delete, that was not an implication of anything inappropriate. That might have already been clear but I just wanted to make sure :) 

i have no idea how this got so... dark? and of course i had to turn it into a love poem haha

April 22~ in the distance, a small shape

dust swirls, suffocating

wonder what i’d look like

if someone saw me

ground disappears under my feet 

i think it’s trying to kill me

if someone could hear me

i’d ask them for help

how do i get out of this mess

wind whips, stinging and sharp

it burns, i burn, it’s cold and hot all at once

i wasn’t made for this, 

just let me be, please, please

rain pours out of the sky, endless

it’s drowning me and

i’m still burning up from the inside

i need to cry the pain away but i can’t

did i die, this is not the earth

i’m used to

i need to scream but i can’t open my mouth

wonder what it’d look like to someone watching

i guess i’d be a small shape in the distance

covered in dust and drowning in water

i don’t think this is how things were

ever supposed to go

please let me be now

i’m done, i promise i’m done

i promised i’d go through this and more for you

but i think i’ve already shattered. 

I FORGOT TO POST THIS BUT IM SUPER PROUD OF IT

Nightmare~

The swirling mist

The blacks, the blues, the purples. 

The slowly defining shapes, even with my screeches, my screams of terror.

Every night...

The world turns upside down.

I become the villain.

I kill my friends, everyone I've ever loved.

Well more like someone else does.

The clicking, the swiping, the plunging, the crossing of the swords-

I'm barely intact..

Someone controls me..

The bodies of my friends, my family, as the soul leaves my body

I can only cry

And mourn

And wonder.

Why me?

The moons

the stars

the sun...

I become the villain

in the stories

the evil one

the anarchist,

the assassin,

the evil murderer.

Spiders

and holes

and everybody

dying

the planet

being consumed

in ashes

and chaos

People screeching at me

you're useless

People screaming at me

you're useless

People yelling, slapping, hurting me...

you're useless

People tripping me

shouting

insults

at

me

I let them break through the shield of words I've made...

I let them break my soull...

I've let those words define me..

Useless. horrible. Confusing. Weird. Crazy. Insane. Social outcast. Introvert. Anarchist. The villain. The assasin. Self-conceited.

I've let them break through..

and for once.

my manipulation

of words

fails

me

~

This is based on a true story. I actually do have nightmares every night of this stuff. And yes, I can manipulate words well. Yes, people have hurt me, hit me, slapped me. People have also mentally abused me, and have called me all the words above (Useless, horrible, confusing, weird, crazy, insane, social outcast, introvert, anarchist, the villain, the assasin, self-conceited, etc.) People have posted rumours about me. If you ask, I'm fine, thank you for worrying. I moved to another school, but that doesn't help a lot a lot. Why? Because the people here are better- even in person, they're friendly, but online, some of the others have posted entire paragraphs, essays, on why I'm horrible, and they ship me with my 'rival.' And yup, I'm fine.

Hold it. Vim said 'vfkbi'. ...Vim. You're...bi?

<uhyes>

That's cool! You can host a party for this after the CB Ball Win's hosting. 

<yayyy>