hey so could someone please tell me why someone would dislike pigeons? like are they scary or something? I actually don't think it's that uncommon strangely, so. idk they're really cool birds and really pretty. i need this for the story and have been getting stuck without it heh

also @Hex – if that doesn't look like Izar honeslty can we keep it? You didn't specify a specific race so I just went with how I pictured him, but i'm kind of attached to that appearance at this point. he is your character though 

idk if the number is right BUT!

*i can never decide if Hideto's hair is frizzy or limp… we went with frizzy here

~

The instant Onyx leaves the room, Hideto sinks to the floor. I hesitantly step back. There’s a bunch of books about art in a nearby shelf and i want to look at them and i want to get away from him. But sometimes people get mad when I go away, and other times they get mad when I don’t, and there doesn’t seem to be any logic to it.

Huge as it is, this is probably the smallest room of the actual Library. The side I’m at now, closest to the hallways, is mostly bookshelves and empty space. 

While the other side’s walls are still towering bookshelves, the floor is mostly taken up by intricate tables. Carvings of stories from constellations snake up their legs, and many of the tops are decorated with stained glass or detailed paintings of nebulae or planets or solar systems I’ve never seen. Maybe I’ll look for a book about painting. Watercolors wouldn’t paint the tables, but i’ve always wanted to use them. 

Then Hideto looks up and I freeze because now he can see me. He’s fairly short, and somewhat chubby. His clothes are simple: a thick grey-blue henley shirt with pilled, faded fabric; a charcoal button down shirt; khaki pants with a thick belt; and work boots. His skin is a tiny bit darker than mine and much warmer, and his black hair is frizzy* with several cowlicks competing for space. He’s almost always slouching and adjusting his shirt. But then, his hands seem to always be doing something.

He leaps up without warning. “So. You’re Reshinerr. Right?”

I blink, still shocked from the sudden movement. I am Reshinerr. I think. That’s what people call me. And i don’t hate it too much, unlike other things i might name. 

I’d rather think about what i’ll draw next. I head over to the art section. 

Hideto follows me. “Well. You – I guess – you know who I am.”

I stop. “Yes.” Why is he following me?

“Then – sorry about Onyx. I guess.”

“Huh?” Did he bring them here?

Hideto freezes. “Well – never mind then. You seem to like your cat? Or – whatever their name is?”

I look up, eyes wide, fidgeting furiously. “Speckle. And – and -” i’m too excited for words. I step forward and hold Speckle out for Hideto to pet, then wonder if maybe i shouldn’t and he’s going to grab her and – and hurt her or –

He just asks if he can pet her and then does. “What are their pronouns?”

I hesitate. She/they and moss/moss and really whatever I feel like at the moment. But I just say “she/her.” I don’t really want to let Hideto know how much I know about all this stuff. And at the same time that’s all I want.

He nods. Then he tenses. “So what do you know about this place? Like, where do these people come from? Is there any way to get out, or maybe bring someone else here?”

“Bring someone else here?” I repeat his words before I fully grasp their meaning. Why would he want that?

Hideto straightens. “I just want all the information.”

“All the information.” Oh. I hesitantly sit on a chair. I don’t want to, but my ankles throb and my muscles threaten to give out. I hold Speckle out to him again. “Her – her tail is crooked.”

He nods. “She looks well-loved. Surely you’ve researched, though?”

All of a sudden I’m so tense I’m shaking, so tense I can barely fidget to take some of the tension away. Of course I’ve researched! How could I not have?

But how can I do anything when he’s here? How can I research when the words on the page pound through my head without meaning anything, when the ink letters bleed into spiders and scurry under the leaf litter? How can I research when I’d rather think about Speckle, about the world she lives in? 

But there’s no way to say this. Even the meanings I’m trying to put into words evade me, hidden behind a rainstorm of emotions. It’s like trying to catch slippery earthworms in a raging flood: if they make it through the torrential rain on asphalt, they’ll scorch in the sun later. If they survive, it’ll only for some cruel kid to step on them.

I glance around all of a sudden. Some memory is playing in my head, somewhere I can’t access it. But like a bat snatching a bug out of a pond, it creates ripples. Each wave is tiny, but the ripples shudder through me. I feel shaky.

Hideto stands up, his chair slamming into the ground. “So you haven’t researched at all?” 

I start to stand up, but my ankles hurt so much I collapse back onto the chair. I stutter like Onyx did earlier and I don’t want to and I just want to go home but where is that? would it be here, if the other people were gone?

Hideto sinks back into his chair and lays his head on the table, like he’s exhausted all of a sudden. For a few seconds he doesn’t move at all, and I almost panic – is he okay? But then he sighs. “Okay. So maybe we can figure this out -”

“I did researched!”

Hideto looks up for a second. “Ah. Great. What did you find? Any good books? Maybe the legendary elixir of focus or not just reading the same thing over and over 20 times and not getting any of it?”

I burst into laughter so hard I can barely talk through it, even though I can think of the words. “I – I – no but – maybe – it’s in the – it’s in the room of, of, of illusions! You go in there. You find it. You drink it. And then it disappears and it’s all magic. And none of it ever mattered. And -” I’m laughing too hard to talk again.

Hideto tilts his head, grinning a bit as he looks at me. “Of course.” Then he adjusts his shirt and sinks back onto the table.

“I – I’m joking.”

“I figured. I guess in this place you might not have been though. Just – let me know if you find anything. You know. Maybe we might be able to figure any of this out, but uhhh probably not if it’s just me.”

I hesitate, but nod even though i doubt i’ll be much use. “Why – why are you interested?”

Hideto doesn’t move for a few seconds. “I just – well, er -” He sits up. “Well anyway, for all we know this place could be plotting to kill us.”

I shrug. if it was just me, it'd be worth it. even with other people here i barely care.

I stand up. Hideto seems to think I might be of use, and i kind of want to help. even though i’ll only disappoint myself. And when research is hard, there's only one place to go: the common room. 

well, or the depths of my mind. But i'll do that regardless, so i might as well pretend i'll be productive.

Ohhh right age~ I'd say Echo is around 16 at this point (and I think she's a selkie now just to specify)

AND! and. This is crazy good! I'm  loving your writing style, and how everything is just kinda coming together. I actually just read everything already posted today, I hadn't realized it started  

Everyone – thank you for the pigeon info! I’m going with “irrational hatred”! And just so you lizards, cats, ghosts, viperfish, and other creatures know, i’m going to be opening up like 2 more character slots, but i’m going to be asking for people who aren’t already in the ski lodge first 😀 the next part will probably be ready by tomorrow if all goes well 

Silver – i adore rats though… :((( rats with wings would be super cool!! i guess they could have diseases if they’re wild though. Also what does “going through it” mean in that context/what is he doing/what is “it”? And yessss i adore Reshinerr and Hideto too 😀 honestly i hadn’t even thought of that being foreshadowing it’s just that Hideto’s suspicious of everything XD but it could be ig. I won’t say if it makes sense or not. 

Hawkstar – first off thank you so much!! And is it okay if I keep Echo Rose as 12? Maybe 13 or 14 if necessary? I’m sorry i really need a slightly younger character because of another character who hasn’t been introduced yet. She can definitely be a selkie 😀

Arlo – same as previous comment, if you could give Rell a personality that'd be great! if not at some point i'll have to  

Celine – saved the best for last 😀 like what do i say??? like how am i supposed to respond to that?? i can’t – like thank you so so so much like what do i say to that?! Like – “better than a lot of published work I've seen”?????? I’ve been thinking of this randomly throughout the day and like bursting into laughter and stuff. Thank youuuuuuu ^_^ I give Hei Bai (the raccoon) a pumpkin beret >:D it’ll fit any of your stuffies though because it’s magic. Also i’m really looking forward to writing Ascella 😀 comet’s really fun. I kind of imagine comet having an energy a lot like you 😀 Also there’s much more of Speckle next installment!!! i adore them too 😛 (Their main pronouns are she/they by the way) and i'm glad you like the characters 😀 

I honestly don’t think i could get traditionally published. like i just don’t think my books would. This would probably be YA but it’s so drastically different from the “super dark and gritty but unrealistically happy ending” YA that is so common today (especially because Reshinerr is pretty much removed from his old life, like he’s forgotten most of it), and I’m not sure people would like Reshinerr that much honestly. Like i think they’d just get tired of him? especially because people in reviews frequently get tired of or dislike people whose anxiety is much less prevalent, and Reshinerr's is much less “soft anxiety” in the way people seem to find relatable and much more “everything’s going to go poorly anyway so why does anything matter i’m going to hole up in my room and draw and then rip up what i draw because it’s awful (even though it isn’t but i did it anyway so it probably should be destroyed regardless)”. Not to mention that i’m not sure how people would feel about a 17-year-old who plays with stuffies especially in the “has to bring Speckle everywhere and will meltdown if he doesn’t have her” and “not as a collector” ways. also i don’t think you can choose cover art and what if it was bad??? I’m not good enough for cover art XD anyway though thank you!! it'd be nice, but i think it's really hard to get anything published regardless

I haven't had time to catch up with this and I'll write something once I finally have but thought I should pop in to say that you don't actually know if you can get published if you don't try! I've read some pretty dark YA books that don't end happily or even hopefully. I think that it'd just have to be one of those stories where it's not written for you if you don't understand it. And I think that what makes it so great is that it's different from other YA stuff out there today; that's what makes a story stand out. In a genre like YA especially, going a bit off the beaten path can change the game for books in general. It's been done in the past.

So anyway, yes, it's hard to get published, but it's impossible if you don't try it, so if you want to try it you should! I don't say this to push you to try to publish something if you really just don't want to, it's just that I think you have great ideas and the world could benefit from hearing them, so if you want to be published you shouldn't give up before you can even try!

@Peri – thanks! I think the issue is more that it’s kind of dark without being gritty or gory or detailing a lot of horrible things happening; a lot of YA books that I’ve read are very gritty and then often don’t really take anything that isn’t like that seriously. Whereas in this, the main issue is Reshinerr being lonely. Like there’s all the stuff in the past, not all of which i’m going to go into, but it’s removed from the actual stuff that happened. I definitely can’t get anything published right now (certainly not something like this), but it would be really cool if i could at some point and it’s not like i could do an actual job anyway, so i really appreciate it. also how did you manage to make the best possible characters for the ski lodge without knowing the plot??? they're both exactly what i needed 😀

Celine, i’m glad you like Reshinerr! I do too (obviously XD) And yes the stuffie thing is awful. I think you can definitely be a grown-up even if your interests are like stuffies and such, and i hope your family will see that 😀 

This part is really long so i'll be posting it in two parts. Author’s note: all of the asterisks are just like pointless jokes, they will never add anything to the story so you don’t have to interrupt your reading for them. Also i promise this is a ski lodge, we’re just not that far into it yet and the acutal ski lodge part requires more setup 

~

I sigh and open the door and step into a huge ornate hall that feels insignificant after the library. The floor is dark wood knotted with constellations, and the midnight blue carpet from the library spills out onto some of it. The walls are the color of lilacs mixed with smoke, scattered with paintings; the beams holding up the domed ceiling are gold. A model of a solar system hangs like a chandelier from the height of the dome, and like a chandelier its sun lights the hall just enough to cast long shadows on everything. The permanent rooms lie here.

The first room on the right is the common room. That’s where I’m going – or at least, where I should be going. But my sketchbook calls. I head further back, where the rooms can change but usually don’t. where my room is.

I remember when I first got here. I was panicked and had no idea where I was and had just came out of a big meltdown. But a star caught my eye, stopped my crying. Something about the flutter the light had to it, the way it danced on the nonexistent breeze, thawed the frost that was seeping into me enough for me to move again.

I followed it here. It crashed into the door and a sound like chimes or birdsong rang. The light melded into the door, carving words from the wood, leaving shavings to float to the floor and turn to clouds. “Room for the Guest," it said. "Please draw your own sign.” 

I did, once: a painstakingly realistic colored pencil drawing of Speckle, their name scrawled illegibly under it. It's one of the better things I've done. I like it enough that after Hideto got here and I took it down, i cut it out and taped it in my sketchbook.

I can’t let anyone else see it. If i do, i know what’ll happen. i’ll realize how bad the drawing is. and i just don’t want to ruin it, even if nobody cares about one mediocre drawing of my cat, even if it's Speckle. even if i don't get how you can't like Speckle, even if people never like her.

I tug the door open. Usually when I come into the room it feels special: like lying under an abandoned willow tree on a cloudy day and drawing with Speckle, or like imagining the world Speckle lives in so intently it feels like I’m there. Today it’s mostly a vague relief. For some reason I feel like nobody could disturb me in here. 

I collapse onto the bed and grab my backpack from next to it and hug it and stare at the pale blue wall that's painted with clouds and stars and a moon. When I got here the bedsheets were the same color. But I can change whatever I want about this place, so now they’re green: a forest floor with salamanders scurrying around rocks covered in moss. Soft lace is sewn around the edges of the blanket, and more lace snakes through the grass like tiny rivers of thread. There’s a lot of lace in my room – the patterns are mesmerizing, and when it isn’t scratchy, i can run my fingers over it for a long time. i am now.

In my head, Speckle leaps onto the backpack and meows. (In reality, she doesn’t move.) “The other stuffies have been in there all day. You never have them out anymore, and i know you want to. And I doubt Hideto and Onyx could even get in here.”

I push her over with one hand, keep fiddling with the lace with the other. even though she wants to be on the backpack, i leave her next to me. 

“I know.” I say it out loud, for some reason, and for some reason I don’t care enough to check if the walls are soundproof. I almost want someone to hear me. For someone to knock and come in – but then what? Why would I want that? 

Hideto was nice, and i can’t start wanting that. That’s when things start hurting worse, and something always ruins it anyway, and I’m tired of it. And i just want to be alone, because i was happy. 

At the very least, i wasn’t miserable. And that’s never happened before.

I’m being dramatic again.

Speckle nudges me. “Let them out!”

I shrug, swatting her away, but open the bag. It’s always a bit of a struggle. i closed the bag all the way, and zippers and me don’t get along. In my head, Speckle paws it open in one swipe. In reality, I struggle like a mouse met with a rock just too high to leap on.

I finally get it open. Inside the thick khaki fabric resides everything valuable I own. There’s all my stuffies, my current sketchbook and pens and colored pencils, a few of the little animal dolls this place has on the table*, and several books about forests. I want everything I have to be easy to grab, in case I have to get out of here. I keep it under the bed, mostly.

From the bag, Helianthus the silver and black fox clears ner throat. I grab nem and my stuffie brush. Ne protests, and in my head ne scurries onto the pillow. (In reality, I set nem there.) “We have far more pressing matters than grooming, I’m afraid.” 

~ 

*they're basically Calico Critters XD 

part 2 of part 5 will come soon probably! 

just popping in to say I’m still here and reading along with every part, while waiting eagerly for the next installment.

this one's kind of boring on its own, but the next one should be out soon. i just need some heavy editing. i promise the whole ski lodge won't just be Reshinerr playing with his stuffies XD

but that being said – more stuffies yayyyy!! so maybe I should specify that with the stuffies it’s kind of in between them being real or not; they can’t move by themselves, but they certainly have their own minds, whether it’s Reshinerr making it up or not. Still, they can mostly only know what Reshinerr knows. Though the Library might add a bit to that, but not that much.

~

Someone squeaks. “Pressing matters?” In my head, the tiny rat Viridios scurries out of the bag. (In reality, I hear them and take them out.) “What are they? Can I help?”

Helianthus sighs, licking ner paw. “Perhaps. We’re trying to remove the other people from the library, if I’m correct. So instead of hiding here and talking to us, how about you take me to the common room? I can help.”

Viridios hops up and down. “And me! What if you need someone to go into tiny corners?”

“I’m sure," Helianthus says, "that we won’t.”

Viridios’s ears and whiskers droop. “But three heads must be better than one.”

“Not if one of them is defunct, such as yours.”

I flinch. “Mine,” I correct ner.

Helianthus shrugs, cleaning aer ears now. “You made us up. Your head can’t be that bad.”

I leap off of the bed, falling into the closet door* and scrambling up. “You’re not made up!” My voice is far too loud but I can’t control it. They’re realer than I am. I say that over and over in my head. It’s not a big challenge to be realer than i am, considering I’m barely real.

Helianthus’s ears flick in annoyance. “Not to most. But anyway, what say we just head to the common room? We have research to do. You want those people to get out of here, if i’m correct. So let’s do something about it.”

Sudden anger takes over my arms and makes me throw Speckle against the wall. I freeze, arms too stiff and tense to do what i ask them to, and stare down at her before scrambling to grab her. 

She never minds getting thrown around, in anger or not. I wonder if she’s pretending, if she can choose what emotions of hers I get to feel. I hope not. 

I zip up the backpack and put it under the bed and start to leave the room, Speckle under my arm and Helianthus in my hand. But before I turn the doorknob, I run back and I grab the backpack. If something happens to it, it’ll just make it clear that i should stay in here, that I should stop risking stuff and annoying people. 

But I almost want something to happen, as much as the thought pours dread over me like a syrup made of strawberries and wolfsbane. things have been so quiet lately, and there are people here, and things shouldn’t be quiet. And i shouldn’t still feel like this.

Besides, having the backpack on is calming. The weight makes the world feel less floaty, and i know that everything i need is in there. And besides, nobody will see me, not if I do this right. 

And i’m still the only person who cares.

I slam forward into the door and stumble out into the hall. 

~

*we should find another word for closet so i don’t have to resist the urge to make queer jokes every time i say it 

whoa, it's so good so far!! very intriguing and I'm excited to see what happens next 😀 I love Reshinerr and Speckle and all the other stuffies, plus the interactions with Hideto! the way you portray Reshinerr is really compelling~ (that wasn't the right word idk)