is anyone still reading this?

so i'm still working on some plotting and stuff – but i drew stuff! this one's mostly for the Reshinerr picture but I kept the Hideto because why not (though I didn't erase all the pencil oops) 

okay so this one might not have photographed the best though i did try to edit it to make it look a bit more like irl (only to make it look more like irl ofc). The style on the face is different than usual, mostly the eyes, and the face doesn't really look like Reshinerr (his face is more like the other drawing, and I usually draw him with just dots for eyes) but oh well. The rest of it is cool, but idk if all the reflected light will be visible… we can hope. 

i used a lot of colors (so many different shades of brown), but I think it ended up working out in the end. the colors are pretty good irl at least (the best part of the drawing)

Ahh both of these are so coollll!!! Reshinerr!! And YES Speckle 😀 her expression though XD your texture is so amazing though… and shading…

sorry i've been struggling with this one – still not happy with it but i might as well get it over with so i can fix up the next part(s). also – i use a lot of longer run-on-y sentences in this; do they require a lot of thought to read? also maybe solo write have been a better way to "advertise" this… It's kind of in between – there's a lot of set-up before we get to the ski lodge parts…

~

Before I can look at them, the door flings open. Another person I’ve never seen before strides in, reaches up to tip their top hat, and opens their mouth to speak.

I leap to standing, words tearing out of my mouth. “WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Then I freeze and wonder if i should go find a cave to live in. That’s a good idea regardless, actually. Maybe the library has books on new and fresh ways to run away from humanity; my current technique doesn’t seem to be working.

The person coughs, slowly putting their top hat back on their head. “Well. I – I suppose I was wondering the same thing.”

“I was too.” Hideto pushes the person out of the way, scowling. “So. Where did you wake up? Is there some designated spawning point or something?”

I can’t breathe. “No! No – nobody should be here.”

Hideto glances at me, pacing. “Would it help if we went somewhere else?”

I yell, impulsively throwing Speckle across the room. How could it help? It wouldn't change anything.

Hideto hands me Speckle. I flinch. Speckle just hops up on my shoulder and purrs in my ear.

The new person clears their throat. “Well regardless, an introduction may be called for? ‘Tis I, the Fantastic Johnny October! Disclaimer: real name not included, but that being said, you all can call me Johnny for short. I use he/they/xe pronouns. Please leave any criticisms at the door so I can dispose of them."

Hideto snorts. “There’s no such thing as a ‘real name’. There’s the name people call you, and the name you want people to call you, and if you’re lucky they overlap. the criticisms thing though, I might steal that.” He’s still pacing, wringing his hands a bit. One second he grabs a ping pong ball embellished with gold flowers off of the table and throws it back; the next he pulls a leather-bound book off the shelf, thumbs through it for a second, and discards it on the couch. I can almost feel the Library groaning underneath me, as if thinking about all the things it’ll have to put back when we get out of here. 

Nonetheless I laugh, and so does Johnny. He glances around at both of us for a second, fiddling with his trench coat collar. “Well, we can’t have silence now, can we? The problem is, I have completely ran out of things to say -”

"Suggestion. Tell us where you woke up.”

Johnny’s mouth hangs open for a second, and xe promptly shuts it. “Well – it was in this bedroom. Quite nice, really. I believe it’s mine, and if it’s not – well that would be rather strange. My name’s on the door.”

I look up. Is there another room? There can’t be another room. Not already.

Hideto nods slowly. “Perhaps not, then. I woke up in the hall. You, Reshinerr?”

I ignore him. 

The stars flicker again. I flinch. Nobody else seems to notice.

I panic and more words fall out of my mouth. “Why are you here? Why – why -”

“I’m afraid it wasn’t my choice,” Johnny says. “I simply woke up here.”

Hideto steps forward, hands fidgeting furiously. “So you didn’t have any say in the matter. So maybe nobody has any say in the matter. So maybe -”

Johnny steps back. “Do calm, perhaps? I didn’t have a -”

“I FREAKING AM CALM!” Hideto shouts so loud it echoes off the walls, shoves forward into Johnny, darts out of the room.

Johnny’s mouth opens again, then closes. He stutters for a second. “Well. One – one might say, perhaps he wasn’t very calm.

I can’t breathe. Hideto’s yelling pulses through my head again and again, and he wasn’t mad at me so i shouldn’t care. And I shouldn't care about anything, and sometimes the problem is that i don't care enough, and why can't that be the problem now?

Onyx peers in. “What the – who the heck are you and wrong with Reshinerr now?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know. How – how would one – go about helping him?”

Onyx sighs and leans out of the doorframe. “Hideto, get back here. Reshinerr needs your help.

After a few seconds, Hideto appears in view. “Oh yeah, because you’re useless. Point taken. I don’t even know why you’re still here.”

“Who said I was staying?

I look up. “It said we’re all staying.”

The stars flicker, specks of white clustering into detailed constellations of flowers. The kind that would be gorgeous, if the Library wasn't mad. If they weren't nightshade and wolfsbane and things even more deadly. 

Johnny gasps. Even Onyx gawks. Hideto just taps his foot. “What said we’re staying?”

I point at the wall. “What made the stars bloom. Just now. Or – probably."

Onyx stares, mouth slightly open. “Yeah, that was just the library with some trick or something. Something to make us like it or something. And how old are you? Why do you have a stuffed cat?”

Hideto’s foot taps harder. “Just shut up, Onyx. Nobody cares.”

“It is a tad unorthodox,” Johnny says. “Not, of course, that I could criticize.”

“Just shut up. Anyway, there was some rumble. Like thunder or something.”

I nod.

Johnny clears his throat. “I – I’m afraid I didn’t see anything. Erm – kind being who made the lights flicker or whatnot –

I pull Speckle into my lap and fiddle with her legs. “It’s not kind.”

Johnny blinks, licks his lips nervously. “Well then. Perhaps ill-meaning being who made the lights flicker, could you by chance do it again?”  

new part – i'll probably post the next one soon, it's pretty much finished. 

~

Hideto leaps forward, shoving Johnny to the side. “Don’t!” 

Johnny flinches. “Erm – by chance, could you stop shoving into me, by chance?”

Hideto grins and pushes him into the table. “Like that? And you do realize you said by chance twice?”

Johnny steps back. 

Onyx sighs. “Hideto, like seriously. Why do you have to break everything?”

Hideto paces faster. “Because it’s fun.”

“What is wrong with you.”

Hideto shrugs. “Up to you to decide.”

“Wow, I thought you would get so upset. That’s just the way you are, isn’t it?”

Hideto stops pacing and tilts his head. “I don’t usually. I’m pretty sure I just like… shrugged when I was told my dad died.  I’m more known for being callous, actually.”

Onyx squints. “You seriously didn’t care when your dad died? Did you hate him or something?”

“How about you shut up?”

“So you were best friends, then. Amazing. I bet you cry every night because nobody else has ever cared about you again -”

“I certainly never said that.”

“So he was actually evil and -”

“You know I’d really suggest you shut up. Unless you want me to start speculating about your life. I’m sure you have so many friends, the way you act.”

Onyx flinches. 

“Can’t take it?”

“I do, actually. Have friends. Plenty of them.”

“How much are you paying them?”

Johnny steps over to me. “Are they always like this?”

I just keep rocking and fiddling with Speckle, my mind mostly occupied with daydreams.

Johnny glances back at them, then steps away from me. My heart sinks, which it shouldn’t. it’s not like i like him anyway. And people do that all the time.

I reach for the vending machine books. There’s a ton about art, but others – books about cooking, room design, herbs, and a tour guide to the library. I call up the library kiosk and tell it to transport the books to the library courtyard in a box that will only open for me. I’m not quite sure why I choose the library courtyard when it would be easier to choose my room, but I miss the courtyard. It hasn’t been open lately. There’s been a big “closed” sign on the door, and I haven’t cared enough to see what’s in there.

Besides, the courtyard has a lock.

I walk out of the room. 

Hideto follows me. “So what was the lights flickering about?”

I shrug. “It was mad.”

“What was mad?”

I shrug. I don’t know how to describe it.

“…Okay? Whatever the thing it was – c’mere, i want to talk to you.”

My stomach turns. “Don’t – don’t -”

A star pops out of nowhere, shivers, and bursts. Stardust and clouds spew, and a complaint form sails through the air and sinks to the ground. The library does that from time to time. Hideto just sighs. 

“Don’t provoke it. It said – it said -”

“Whatever it said, I’m going to go provoke it. And other things, probably. Bye!” Before I can stop him, he darts off, pausing to catch his breath and lean on the wall after a few seconds before darting off again. 

not me saying i'd post the next part soon and completely failing to XD anyway. i made an ube boba tea and i'm drinking it it's really gooddddd – unrelated sorry we begin now

~

I blink, brain still processing that Hideto’s not in front of me. Why is he going to go provoke things?

I shake my head. I need to head to the courtyard. I grab the “call a cloud” keychain from my backpack and press the button. Pressing it brings you a cloud that you can then sit on and use to move, kind of like a wheelchair.

A tiny thread of cloud squeezes out of the floor boards, tangling and tangling until in seconds it’s large enough for me to sit on. I collapse into the cloud: vaguely cool, only tentatively holding me up. My joints struggle to adjust to the new position. either my muscles ache or the pain from my joints is just radiating out too far; I really can’t tell.

I press the button to go to the courtyard, and the cloud starts off. In the meantime, I grab Helianthus. 

Ne huffs. “Perhaps it’s not just the others who should get out of here. You don’t want to meet that shadow thing again. I’m certain.”

I shake my head. “If they leave it’ll be good again.”

“It’s a long time to be alone.”

I shrug.

Being alone is one thing. Filaments of passing time wrap around you like you’re a moth caught in a spiderweb and the spider’s inches away and it’s waiting waiting waiting until you’re too tired to struggle anymore. Your mind shatters into shards; it’s best to avoid running into them. avoid the haze of boredom, the anger eating at your mind for things that can’t matter because you’re the only one who cares. avoid the memories, the stinging assurance that you’re doing something wrong, somehow, just by existing. 

But minds can be beautiful, for there are worlds inside. Sprawling oceans with millions of intertwining currents fighting for attention; never-ending asteroid belts around a sun with beams that captivate and calm your mind at the same time. Both, if you prefer. As many as you want. You can make worlds that are idyllic so you can pretend anything like that could actually happen, or deadly so you can cry and not feel as bad about it. Inside my mind, there’s a magic that just can’t survive in this world.

And if I make stories, i can be whoever I want. I can be the real me, the one nobody knows! The one who wears dresses and straight-cut cargo pants and whatever they want – who makes jokes that make people laugh! – who definitely exists and isn’t actually fake, as long as I’m being sarcastic! No, in general I make characters. Why would i be myself? The real me isn’t better than this one. Just broken in extra ways.

The cloud halts. I look up at a large mahogany door, ribbons of gold arching across the top. The large wooden knocker changes shape every time I’ve seen it; today it’s a hummingbird midflight. 

Speckle tilts her head. “Why isn’t the cloud going in?”

I shrug and open the door myself. the cloud shudders, but after a second’s consideration it drifts inside. 

just so people see 😀

also here's some zoomed in versions of one of the pictures on the other page – the reflected light didn't come through very well