Royal Flames

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Royal Flames

Royal Flames

 

Alright, so I am trying to write a story right now, but would love your constructive criticism/tips/advice. I'm not posting under my original CB name.. Just... Because. But you can guess if you'd like. Here's the first part of the story: 

 

A fifteen year old girl panted as she darted through the woods, traveling over fallen logs and exposed roots. Glancing back, she saw five men in uniform running after her. 

"Stop!" one of them yelled. She did the opposite. Her feet pounded against the ground, survival driving her. She thought her ears were tricking her when she heard the sound of hoofs hitting the ground with such fury and speed it made the the trees tremble. 

The restrainers! The thought shook her mind with terror. Her thoughts involuntarily flashed back to her sister telling her of the mysterious law-men known only as the restrainers. 

"No one has ever seen the restrainers and told about it," her older sister had said. 

"You mean they don't talk about it?" the girl asked.

"No. They were never seen again."

The sound got louder until the girl could see three horses and their riders. 

No, no, no! This can't be happening, she thought, trying to find somewhere to go. There was nowhere. The rider on the lead horse spoke as she was grabbed from behind. 

"Eliza Cartleton, you are coming with us."

A sweet smelling chemical wafted up her nose as she screamed her protests, eyes misting as her vision blurred. 

"No," she whispered before her head hit the ground. 

 

submitted by Blank
(December 27, 2016 - 1:33 pm)

No, I get ya'! I was just thinking that if no one's really reading this than I wasn't going to post it anymore. But thank you for sticking with me on this! It's hard because I don't have a lot of people in my life that back me up with my writing and stuff. A lot of them say I need to focus on school instead. But thank you very much, your posts have been very helpful and encouraging!! The next part is in progress and should be posted soon. A lot will be explained (sorta). Have a good day!  

submitted by Blank
(January 18, 2017 - 4:35 pm)

I'm back on Cricket!

Anyway, What happens next?! Lol. Great job btw, for the first draft. 

submitted by Riverfrost
(January 24, 2017 - 9:37 am)

You'll see! Thanks. I'll super duperly try to post this week! Don't forget, anyone can guess me! (Except you, River. Sorry, but you already know!)

submitted by Blank
(February 1, 2017 - 5:53 pm)
submitted by Top!!
(February 1, 2017 - 5:54 pm)
submitted by Top again!
(February 1, 2017 - 5:55 pm)

Sorry got a little carried away. This thread WILL NOT TOP!! 

submitted by UGH TOP PLZ!!
(February 1, 2017 - 9:19 pm)

I will try to post tomorrow! I'm hoping to get on a posting schedule. Sorry about the wait! 

submitted by Top
(February 4, 2017 - 9:06 pm)
submitted by Topity top!
(February 4, 2017 - 9:07 pm)
submitted by PLZ TOP
(February 5, 2017 - 9:29 am)

Writeywritewritewrite

submitted by Riverfrost
(February 23, 2017 - 9:23 am)