Thank you so much Rainbow! And great job to everyone participating again~

Let's do "fall/falling" for the next theme! You'll have two weeks as always, and I'll judge on the 18th. Happy writing everyone! :)

Three

 I’m so sorry.

I’ve thought that for so long,

Like a song stuck in my head that will not go away

They all tell me it wasn’t my fault

And I’ve almost convinced myself,

Almost convinced myself I didn’t know

Until it all wraps back around

And I know

I did.

I’m so sorry.

I stared into a comforting abyss 

That was your eyes, brown and dark and beautiful 

But it was too much 

Everything was too much

And I was weak, and I was selfish

And so I turned away from your eyes and fell,

And for a moment I thought I was free

But I was just sick. 

I’m so sorry.

I should’ve been there,

I know. 

But I wasn’t, oblivious as I always am,

Staring away from the only two who cared about me

Tried to talk me into your life, better than mine

Winter jackets that fit and opportunities for things I couldn’t afford but

I could not tear my eyes away from what I said I deserved 

In dying you saved me, screams piercing through

They echo and they break the illusion 

Still, it is not worth it.

So much happened that day.

Too much.

Not enough.

One of us took the other’s hand

One of us jumped

One of us turned around after a lifetime of turning away.

And we’re still sorry.

It took me forever to hit the ground when I fell.

But it’s taking us longer.

We’re still falling.

Falling

The leaves still fall

Though my heart has been torn from my body

Though the world is broken

They still keep falling

You think they'd stop

And mourn my loss

But the leaves keep falling

No matter how much I grieve

Still, the leaves will leave

I can't stop them, no one can

The leaves will fall until the end

The leaves still fall 

i.

leaves fall like

teardrops from the

dying trees, covering the ground in a tapestry of

copper, scarlet, yellow, burgundy, brown

crackling under my tennis shoes, a hoarse susurrus (the voices of the dead)

swirling in the autumn wind -- emaciated dancers in every shade of blood

everything is dead: the trees, the world, you, the fragile, naive hope inside my chest.

hope does not have feathers. hope is a thing six feet under ground, and so are

you.

ii. 

it's a funny thing. I used to love fall, remember?

I loved the color of the leaves and the rustle of the wind and the way your laughter sounded in air that tasted of not-so-distant winter (but I loved your laughter in every kind of weather)

I loved hot cider mixed with cinnamon and the happy chaos of my family on thanksgiving and the way you smiled that day when I came to our tree with cocoa and shakespeare (but I loved your smile whenever you let it out of its hiding)

I loved the fresh apples we picked from the tree in our backyard, and dragging my little siblings around the block to beg for candy from strangers whilst clad in capes and masks, and the way you would lay on the grass and look up at the pale blue sky as though you could see the entire universe drifting in the clouds, and it amazed you (but I loved you even when your eyes were closed)

(I loved you even when I knew they would never open again, and you were lying in a box made for burying)

iii. 

it's a funny thing, death. it's like someone slid sunglasses on my nose, and everything is a little

darker than it was before. the world is a grayer version of itself, tasting of too-familiar saltwater and the absence of everything worth living for.

you were everything, and everything is gone now, and the wind is a cold-fingered partner to

dancing leaves like skeletons,

twirling to the symphony of crickets and leaf-crunching footsteps

and the leaves fall

like teardrops. 

- - when an atom is excited, one electron rises to a higher energy level. but that change is temporary, and it quickly falls back to its ground state. with this fall, it emits something that can be drescribed as a particle or a wave. this can be many things - a radio wave or an x-ray, for example - but sometimes, with the right wavelength, this can produce

light - -

Millions of tiny falls from glory illuminate my life

Sometimes I think about how peaceful it would be

To an electron              in the middle of the night             

but even then

Street lamps, fireflies, stars                                  unrest

Perhaps I would like if everything were to go 

perfectly still

[save for our beating hearts]                   Pitch black, a 

Ground state.      To let the electrons settle         and our eyes

Fall shut                                in an endless night. 

Please note that it's possible I explained light wrong. I am learning about it currently, but it's always possible I screwed something up. I'm not an expert. 

The Art to Falling

Time

Slips from my fingers

Like leaves falling from brittle branches.

I fall so easily -

From grace, into love,

Out of control, hurtling through time and space,

I reach out for anything to hold onto,

Terrified of this height.

I fall like a stone into the sea,

Heavy and weighted down,

But the autumn leaves do it gently,

Romantically, drifting down to kiss the earth.

Gravity is constant, I cannot stop my fall

But I want to learn to fall like them.

To paint myself in colors

Of flame and tea and gold,

Beautiful in the way only something

Tainted and pure and unashamed can be.

To let the wind carry me,

Off of the branch that bends under my weight

Into a world yet unmapped.

And to, when that wind sighs and becomes calm,

Finally settle on soft ground.