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Funny Things my
Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket
Funny Things my
Funny Things my Friends Have Said, which is either number five or six. I know Abi usually does this but I couldn't resist making another one, since they always make me laugh. Also, I've learned to write down funny things my friends & family say.
"You DON'T need to tell me where my FACE is."
"I cordiallly invite you to play Assassin's Creed tonight...no wait, scratch that, I'll eat toast."
"You should dye your hair light black!"
"I hit Inara!" "No, you hit the chair, and will you STOP THROWING THE CHICKEN!"
"My goat supply is secure!!"
"We're going to a Hunger Games tournament." "REALLY?" "No, it's just archery class." "Aww..."
"Does technology include Oreos? Just wondering."
"Kylo Ren is a shiny crab that SINGS."
-that time when my friend Sarah was describing her plan to become a hermit and live in a hut in the woods, (out of her exasperation with humanity) and our friend Maggie overheard the conversation, made an indignant expression, and said "Did you steal my plan?" and then said "Well, we'll just have to have a hermit rivalry, then."
"DEATH PICKLES."
"Guys! We need to go and set up lawn chairs in the mall and get into wizard robes and sit and Avada Kedavra everyone who walks by, and see how long we can go before the police show up and detain us."
"You read E-BOOKS??" "Yeah...?" "I OFFICIALLY HATE YOU."
"It was REALLY good, although I'm sure you could poke a dozen holes in the plot with a toothpick"
"I ended up pacing back and forth until like 1:00"
"Miraculous Ladybug Is The Only Repetitive Show I Like."
"I'm quite chuffed about how these characters have turned out."
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(February 16, 2018 - 4:47 pm)
(February 16, 2018 - 4:47 pm)
"If you don't shush now, I'll lock you in a closet!"
"Why do you guys want to find an iron coffin ...?" (Variation of locking in closet)
Me: *visits a tavern in a game* My parents: *makes fun of me* Me: "My players in D&D always go staright to the local tavern. I'm the one who stands outside." Coco: "Well, I'm the one who's running a crime ring!"
"Crappy 80-90s movies which are somehow really good." "How did that Three Musketeers movie replicate that 80s feel??"
"Hey, we have enough people to be the Three Musketeers!" "I call Athos!" "Oh, I know, I'm Planchet!" (I'm DM for a group of four, plus me there's five. Thus, I am Planchet.)
"I'm toast." "Toasty toast? Or, like, lightly toasted?"
"TROGDOR!!! BURNiNATING THE COUNTRYSIDE"
"Kitanai (dirty) Batman/Shadowclan"
"I'm only cute when my little sister isn't around."
"I think he's bald." "Why on earth would you think he is bald? You've never met him!"
(February 21, 2019 - 10:36 pm)
I've collected a lot of great ones since the last time I posted, and these even aren't many from email chatting with my friends--there are a lot of those, which I'll post some other time.
---
"He can't even stand looking at your back."
"When you completely take the sugar out, it's like, 'What am I eating? Sawdust? ...Ginger-flavored sawdust?'" (Referring to a cookie)
"Tell him I made a Tom Brady cookie."
"Why is Donald Trump on our TV?"
"144 must be the grossest number ever."
"Darth VadAAH. From Boston, Massachusetts." (When Darth Sidious says Darth Vader's name, it sounds like Vadah. No offense to anyone from Mass)
"I-ATE-YOU-EVIL-KYLO-REN!"
"Pick a foot, any foot."
"I do not have a crush on AN RPG."
"Oh! I'll make a mouth."
"Scissors" (pronounced "Skizzors")
"...You look like a demon rabbit!"
"Health-donuts?"
"This is how you play Jack-Jack-Sparrow." (As opposed to Duck Duck Goose)
"Well, I started talking politics and then I got lost."
"The cockroaches are SPIES."
"There's only one choice I like--this book, or this book? (BOTH!)"
"I am going to be Jack Sparrow when I grow up. That's why I'm walking like this."
(Flailing around on the floor) "ANNE! ANNE! Vision is Haymitch! Vision is Haymitch!"
"Orlando Broom"
-And two gems from my friends' chat, and then I'll end this:
"Tony Stark, brush your teeth!"
"OH MY GOSH. YES. SOMEONE GET ON TWITTER SO WE CAN SPAM JAMES CORDON WITH REQUESTS FOR ENDGAME 4-D."
(February 22, 2019 - 2:03 pm)
You and your friends get an A+ for Marvel references.
(February 23, 2019 - 9:51 am)
^ and for Pirates of the Caribbean references, too.
(February 23, 2019 - 11:47 am)
XD I do know about that. My family got into the movies and now I've watched the first three all at least twice. Yarr, matey.
(February 24, 2019 - 12:11 pm)
And yet, I watch next to no Marvel movies, (except for some scattered here and there--like I've seen Iron Man) and I usually have no idea what they're talking about. My Marvel knowledge is small and erratic. And there was this whole conversation on one of our email chats about something about...Endgame? And Peter Parker? And Thanos....Help me, I can't even explain my lack of knowledge of Marvel movies...(there are too many for me to even watch! Yeesh!)
If I post a lot of quotes from our emailing, most of them will be from that conversation. Here's one right now:
"We'll tweet Mr. Corden so hard, he goes en pointe. "
(February 23, 2019 - 11:56 am)
I should really start keeping track of the things my friends say! But here's a couple I remember of the top of my head.
"What, seriously? Now the hurse is cooped! I mean the coop is hursed! Ugh! The hoop is cursed!"
"Your hairline looks like an improper fraction!"
"Oh, yeah! Your hairline looks like the Mississippi River!"
"It's all because of the Chapstick paradox!"
"This gym is absolutely filled with screaming raisins!"
(February 23, 2019 - 8:20 pm)
- "Veronica is a Princess Battle Baby!"
- "8-year-old Elaine Paige can do a front flip?"
- "Cooper is dabulous!"
- "YOU'RE messed up?!? I'M the one who's writing a children's book based on Les Mis!"
- Friend: "Alice, I'm dying."
Me: *very unenthusiastically* "Don't die."
Friend: *sits up* "WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT!"
- "Lily can do the toad noises!"
- "Butter, flour, baking powder, sugar, eggs, vanilla, salt!" *chanted repeatedly*
- Friend: "*teacher's name*, did you like my new interpretive dance?"
Teacher: "I tried not to look at you, because I thought you were having a seizure!"
- "I cut out Sondheim's face and glued it to my bookmark!"
(February 24, 2019 - 8:42 am)
"If your shirt smells like smelly armpits and a guy who hasn't shaven in 2 weeks, I wonder what your hair smells like... *smells his hair* hmm... it's like the bread crusts of a peanut butter sandwhich."
"Just think about it- chocolate strawberry marshmallow nougat! Oh, and you have an eye booger."
"Look! chicken nuggets on a stick!"
"I stayed alive, but I didn't not die."
"Look! It's a fat doggo!"
"It's just a sponge in a bag, it doesn't do anything"
"It looks like your kissing your arm... hey, I didn't think I would say that sentence today."
(February 24, 2019 - 4:44 pm)
"Why the cucumber sandwiches?"
"Take me to Zurch"
"Are you better than this mandolin?"
These were from Build Weekend of a show called Travesties, which is really weird and cool.
(February 24, 2019 - 6:28 pm)
"I defeated you, ground you into a fine powder, then sprinkled you on my shredded wheat!"
(March 2, 2019 - 10:08 pm)
top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(March 3, 2019 - 8:40 am)
-"Where are the dead bodies? Why aren't they on the tables?"
-"I've had the number 54 written on my hand for the past WEEK and I STILL don't know what it means!"
-"Are you allowed to write fanfiction about your own book?" "That's called a sequel."
-"Michael sang Defying Gravity for his Les Mis audition and GOT THE PART!"
-"We all look like 8-year-old Broadway stars!" "REALLY?!?!? OMG THANK YOU!"
(March 3, 2019 - 3:33 pm)
-I want my butt
-*listening to Hamilton* Laptop: I know I don't deserve you, Eliza
Me: Darn right, you don't
-He just gives that DERP essence
-Me: bang! Shot you in the heart!
Gavin: Too bad, I don't have a heart because nobody cares about me.
Me: hey, I care about you!
Gavin: No you don't! You just shot me in the heart!
Me: You have a great point...
-Why would you want to poke a bear? It will eat you. There is literally a phrase that tells you not to poke a bear.
-MR. STARK... actually, I feel fine now Mr. Stark
-FiGhT mE (screamed about 50 times a day to any male human being)
-Me: Gavin, would you punch me?
Gavin: *shakes head*
Me: Awwwww...
-Me: Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?
Logan: *Shoots me with finger gun*
Me: Oh yeah, I guess you are...
-Let's put this fart in the freezer
-THE FREE REAL ESTATE IS BACK!
-S.: How's that Minecraft Story Mode, Eliza?
Me: It's free real estate
S.: How's that free real estate?
Me (laughing): it's Minecraft Story Mode
-*Doing play practice (party scene)* *act-chatting*
Me: Augh, did you see Vanessa's makeup?
L.: Not Vanessa!
A.: Augh, we hate Vanessa!
*Later- scene where me and A. are hugging*
A.: Girl, why am I hugging you? I hate you!
Me: well I hate you more than I hate Vanessa! *laughter* *practice ends*
A.: I hate you even more!
Me: I hate you more than I hate George Eaker!
L.: Who's George Eaker?
Me: A REALLY SUPER EVIL GUY!
L.: Oh yeah? Well I hate you more than I hate... BOB!
Me: *gasps* No! Not BOB!
A.: BOB??!!
L.: Yes... Bob. Bob destroyed eveything good.
Me: I hate you more than I hate Vanessa's twin!
A.: Ca-nessa! (L. leaves)
Me: Ah! *A. has to leave* I hAtE yOu MoRe ThAn I hAtE GREG!!!
(March 3, 2019 - 4:09 pm)
(all from the same conversation)
"Hello Kitty has a dark side, too."
"Hello Kitty's the result of genetic experimentation, obviously."
"I mean, can't you see Hello Kitty with Rocket Racoon's gun?" "Yeah. I mean, I don't know what that says about me, but..."
(March 3, 2019 - 5:25 pm)