I'm bisexual. It started around 3rd grade when I had a crush on both a girl and a boy in the same year. I learned what bi is and here I am. People honestly shouldnt judje LGBTQ+ people. Also rhino might be a good term for a mean person. or a troll.

This isn't really a confession, rather a question I want to ask anonymously. Is the CB friendly towards furries? I'm a furry and want to share the art I make of my fursona and furry OCs, but I'm nervous about how it would be recieved (I obviously wouldn't try to post any inappropriate furry content or anything). I'm probably freaking out over nothing, but idk?

At school, sometimes I feel like I'm being overlooked and here's why:
My friend, E, is really friendly to my other friend, M, and will save seats for her. Today when we were sitting on the floor in a circle to do this activity thing and I was next to E, E was like "I'm saving this spot for M" but the spot she meant wasn't actually a spot, because we were less than a foot apart and that was where the "spot" was. Another day, E was at a two-people-at-the-most table and hanging over it and like "I'm saving this spot for M" and I was right there. (I like to think that I'm an equal friend in their eyes, but maybe that's not the case.) M also seems to enjoy being with E, maybe because I can get a bit boring and E is anything but boring at all times. Essentially, it feels like they ignore me when they're together (M's still really nice on her own), except for when they have a question about schoolwork, in which case they come straight to me and I know the answer. E also lives in my town, which is not where most of the people at our sort-of magnet school come from, and I met her 2 years ago. As for M, we've been best friends for what's now 4 years, and she's always been the one with other friends. I really don't know what to do about this, but if anyone has advice they're welcome to share. 

Okay, so I have this friend, let's call her Oak, because why not? Anyway, she and I only started really becoming close friends last year when our placement in the advanced classes and our alphabetically close last names had her sitting next to me in every class. Oak and I both love books and reading, and we're both kind of competetive, so that doesn't sit well when we're both top of the class and any friendly game becomes a life or death scenario. xD

This year we're having an AR point competiton in ELA and our teacher will give whomever accumulates the most points at the end of the year a special prize. I'm easily one of the biggest readers in class, but my friend is to. We already started taking quizes even though school just started, and I've completely my entire AR goal for school within a few days, and so has she. I have around 100 points and she has 146. But the thing that really annoys me is that she makes a habit to gloat about how many more points she has than me. I know she's joking, but she's talking about how I'll never catch up and how she has tons of books to quiz on still. 

And Oak's been really clingy lately, like she'll save me seats in class where I can't sit with my other friends. My other friends don't really like her because she's super bossy because her mom is part of the staff and talks about if anyone gets on her bad side, she'll tell. She also makes it a point to get into everyone's business and if there's an inside joke in my friend group, she'll come over and say "what's going on, can someone explain?" and just repeat it until we stop laughing or teasing.

she's a really great friend, she's saved me in class lots of times when I forget my supplies, but I don't know if I really like her all that much? 

Obviously, I can't complain to her face or else I'll have to face her mom as the teacher fourth quarter...I don't know. Maybe I'm being oversensitive- 

I don't have any real friends and I'm really lonely

Has anyone ever missed someone sitting right next to them? 

What do you do about it? 

I am going to tell you all something I've never told anyone.  I'm thirteen. This has been going on since I was a toddler.  I haven't told anyone- not my parents, not my brother, not any relatives or friends or therapists or strangers on the street.  I've sobbed to my mother about everything I hate about myself, multiple times, but never said this.  Just you guys, under a false identity, because no one will ever know it's me.  It's the weirdest, most obscure, most horrible thing about myself.

Starting since I was a toddler-- at least-- I've daydreamed about tickling people.  Constantly.  Usually every single night before I go to bed.  For hours.  I've found evidence of no other people on planet Earth who are like me, nor anyone who has kept a secret deep enough as I have mine. I'm jealous of other people who have like, their insecurities and stuff but nothing as weird and deep-rooted and secret as mine.  I've found similarities to me daydreaming about it and torture and abuse and.. i dont know.. i wanna say slavery but not exactly, just that a few years back they would always include a person doing whatever another one said to avoid being tickled-- though it's worth noting that for the longest time i thought nobody could ever be bothered by being tickled.  I did it to my brother all the time, despite him telling me not to.  I thought it was a funny game.  I was the worst sister of all time. I've since apologized multiple times but the guilt haunts me every day. (I'd also manipulate and guilt him and play with him.)  When I reached the conclusion that it did in fact hurt people, and my daydreams were sadistic-- not to mention weird-- it scared me more than almost anything I'd ever felt or seen or heard.  But within a few weeks or months, it wore off and I was back to daydreaming it.  It gave me a sense of guilty pleasure I've never been able to explain--something weird and inexplicable and it gives a sparkly feeling.

I thought that if I never thought of it, if I stayed as far away from it as I could it would  be buried in my history, I'd never think of it again and I'd be able to move on and live a normal life.  I've been thinking it over,  and I realize that I'll always come back to it (I assume) and thinking about how much it makes me a horrible person and how weird it is and just everything has consumed every thought I've had for weeks and maybe months.  I'm unable to have a normal life.

Something else I've never really told anyone: what I am drawn to.  I'm not sure how to explain it, so I'll give some examples.  In ATLA, my favorite episode was The Storm, in large part because of the scene with Zuko and his father.  In The Owl House I like to watch Hunter and Belos' relationship.  Loki being brought in chains before Odin.  Scenes of the master and their subordinate, the bowing and the begging loyal worshippy type stuff, the customs and the hierarchies.  A few years ago I'd include stuff like that in my tickle daydreams, but now I don't like the two to mix.  Anytime a form of media includes that I like it that much more.  More than a lot of things, maybe more than anything else in it.  It might even relate to my taste in boys?  It's scary. 

My parents say I'm extremely empathetic.  

I have this weird ADHD-type thing, with the typical symptoms like SUPER forgetful, always distracted (not by the outside world though), but with mine I'm NEVER able to EVER actually be in the moment, I'm just thinking about something else or... my dad described it once as being the "live studio audience of my own life."  I'm there, but not really. Events are far off like they're happening in a show.

One more weird thing that might help shape my situation: Though sometimes I'd imagine what it might feel like to be in control, with the power and drama all surrounding me (think: Aaravos, he seems the epitome of confidence and power and yeahhhhhhhh) and thought how nice that might feel, usually I... sort of... pictured myself being the one being tickled.  I was the Zuko and the Hunter rather than Oza and Belos.  And there was a strange sense of... desire?  That went with it, I think?  I've been searching for a religion and a god that I can be at peace and surrender to knowing They will protect me and be there and lead me and yes?  That might be another peice of the puzzle that is me.

I'd also like to add that besides these, I am very similar to any other normal girl.  

There I am, or at least, my deepest and darkest and most horrible secrets.  I'm one of the CBers you probably know but never suspected there was this lying inside her.  There is why I am broken and mangled and fake and horrible.  Advice, sympathy, even just reading this whole thing would be greatly appreciated, I need... something.  I'm sorry for everything.   This is a confession, something I needed to get off my chest, something I'm half hoping someone will notice and make me feel okay and tell me that despite all this, I am wonderful.  My dad tells me despite my flaws I am wonderful every day, but he doesn't know about this.  Maybe I posted this hoping that you would forgive me, and I'd tell you who I am and I could be okay, but I don't know if I'll ever be okay. Maybe I'm just hoping for pity.   I'd ask you to be kind, I've never told a soul this, I don't know if I can take unkindness, but I don't know if I deserve kindness.  I'm so sorry for the wall-of-text, admins and anyone who sees this.

 Iris, I shortened your very, very long comment.

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