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ConfessionsC
Confessions
Confess your deepest secrets here, anonymously, if you'd prefer
I won't judge
submitted by Anonymous, age x, x
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
I'm going to a Co-op on Thursday. On the introduction-hangout-gathering thing, I was just completely shy and timid to the point of turning into a chipmunk. I couldn't even chat with my new classmates, so they walked away and ignored me. I don't know how to show my real-ish self or even talk when Co-op starts. Help...
and p.s.
I need help I have no human friends who I trust and my parents trust
(September 13, 2022 - 9:39 pm)
See my last comment!
any tips for anxiety and nervousness??
(September 14, 2022 - 9:20 am)
I suck at advising people, but here I am anyway, with an anecdote, fortune cookie wisdom, and some text hearts. Hope it helps a little. <3
I felt the same way at the introductory-field-day-thingamabob for my own co-op -- I was marooned with a bunch of fellow high schoolers and we ran around playing Ultimate Frisbee and eating hot dogs at the direction of the ladies in charge. Everyone else seemed very at ease and cheerful, making friends at the drop of a hat, while I stood silently on the outskirts, wishing I could disappear, because I was too shy to talk to anyone. I was convinced my co-op experience would be akin to broiling slowly in the depths of Tartarus.
Unfortunately, this anecdote doesn't end with me overcoming my shyness and becoming a cheerful well-adjusted adolescent with hordes of co-op friends. At the moment, I'm still a dreadfully shy, somewhat cynical, generally melancholy adolescent with approximately one and a half friends. So I relate, but I don't have a lot of advice. I will say that co-op wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be, and it might be the same for you. We tend to cling to worst-case scenarios when we're stressed out about something.
And on being yourself & talking to strangers: remember that, whoever you are, you're fantastic and it doesn't matter what they think of you. Talking to people you don't know gets easier with practice, so keep trying. Even knowing all that, though, it can still be really hard; try to stay optimistic, remember that you're not alone, and that the CB is always here if you need virtual hugs/support/a place to rant. Good luck. <33
(September 14, 2022 - 7:14 pm)
(September 19, 2022 - 8:35 am)
I don't really have a name. Obviously there are names people refer to me with (yes multiple, it's complicated), but personally I don't identify with any of them and there's no name I really do identify with.
(September 19, 2022 - 8:37 am)
Do you mind sharing some of them? Maybe you could make up a new name for yourself.
That's what I did to feel more comfortable, especially after coming out as non-binary (although, of course, it's not necessary to change one's name, and you don't have to have the same reason as me for changing it). I was assigned a female name, Jael, but was more often called Ella, Elle, Jay or Yah for most of my life. However, I started using usernames on websites, often using a play on words, or picking sounds that I liked and stitching them together into a new name.
Eventually I settled on Jayde, which works because I like the sound as well the fact it's a homophone for jade, a nice precious stone which has deep symbolic meaning in East and South-Eastern Asia.
You could do a similar thing, if you're interested, or if you want an already-established name try looking up popular names in other languages like Hindi, Japanese or a language you love the sound of. You don't have to start using another name immediately, or even at all, but if your names bother you, it might be nice to try experimenting a little in hopes of better understanding yourself.
Names are important. Although not everyone may agree, they are the face of your identity, and matter more than "that's just the way people address me." They are the word that represents and captures your entire existence in the eyes of the world, and are something you should be allowed to feel comfortable wearing. If not, why keep the one(s) you have?
(September 19, 2022 - 11:26 pm)
Hi, so this isn't a confession, it's a question I wanted to ask anonymously.
In the random thoughts/things thread, someone (can't remember who) mentioned they (i'm not sure abt pronouns) are xenogender. I understand the basic idea of xenogender is when one's gender feels foreign to them (correct me if i'm wrong, please), but could someone explain a little more if it's not too invasive to ask?
(September 19, 2022 - 1:42 pm)
To my understanding, xenogender is simply an umbrella term for all non-binary genders.
Essentially, it is outside the concept of male, female or agender, and is less based on traditional "gender" or biological/assigned-at-birth "gender" and more in line with the feelings of the person in question. It's kinda complicated, I know. That's the best way I can explain it with my current knowledge, hope this helps a little! :)
(September 19, 2022 - 11:11 pm)
Ohhhh, that makes sense. Thank you!
(September 20, 2022 - 12:07 pm)
i am a tree hugger and a nature lover. i hate seeing trash just lying around. i get smad when people hurt live trees and treat animals meanly. i love to climb trees and swim and go on walks in the forest. no one else seems to respect nature anymore. when somebody wants to cut a tree down because its to close to their house i'm like, ARE U KIDDING ME? that tree was there before your stinking house was!!!!!
(September 20, 2022 - 3:13 pm)
same. so much same.
(September 21, 2022 - 11:51 am)
Thank you! *wipes away a tear* Somebody like meeeee
(September 22, 2022 - 2:39 pm)
Hm. I just wanna get this feeling off my chest. Kinda hard to explain without context.
So basically I feel like a lot of my now-friends are on the shier or more awkward side, right. And I introduced a lot of them to each other in attempt to help them come out of their shells and get to know more people, since it is undeniably healthier to have a few good relationships, even if they're not terribly close. Even though I tend to be more introverted, I can still get really hyper and wear a mask of extraversion and outgoing-ness, especially if that's what the people around me need; I even have meds to help with that. A lot of times, I'm the at the centre of the friend-group, inviting in new loners --- loud and buubly and fun; making sure that everyone is included and accommodated for. It gives me the feeling that I'm doing some good in the world, brightening someone's day.
But then there are these terribly surreal moments sometimes. Everyone is talking and happy and all is doing well, but I'm on the edges of everything, almost invisible, all silent. Like, I've gotten the world to spin, and now that everything's in motion, I'm not needed anymore. I could disappear and no-one would even notice. I would just be that person who 'introduced these people,' and 'used to be fun,' but 'what exactly happened to them again...?' And when that happens, I'll lose the façade for a second --- the painted-on smile melts away, the masks slips down, all the motion and noise and positive chaos freezes --- and no-one even notices. We'll walk off and they'll continue talking like they always do now, and laughing in a way that feels like its getting further and further away, moving on like everything is fine. Because everything is fine. But I'm already half gone, and wonder what's even keeping me here.
Then someone'll call my name, or the bell will ring and we'll switch classes and I'll snap out of it. But sometimes I'll be left behind -- alone -- with nothing but my own mind, left with nothing to do but drown on the limpid tides of existentialism. I could really spontaneously snap out of existence and it wouldn't change anything. Everything we do is worth nothing.
(September 22, 2022 - 10:41 pm)
Congratulations, you've just described my entire social existence. I'm realizing now why I no longer identify with any large friend groups...
(September 24, 2022 - 9:39 am)
It sound sto me that you need better friends. I have a lot of friends, but one is my bestie. So if my other friends are being boring my bestie and I go off and have a lot more fun than if I had stayed with the rest. Sometimes I feel the same way you do. The best thing to do is just walk away, you know tell your friends first like I'm gonna go over here and see what happens. DON'T just walk away without saying anything. Because then you're gonna go off and be all woe is me why doesn't anybody like me. (sorry I'm so blunt) I've done that and regret it. I hope this helps.
(September 24, 2022 - 3:57 pm)