Places to Chat
ConfessionsC
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
ConfessionsC
Confessions
Confess your deepest secrets here, anonymously, if you'd prefer
I won't judge
submitted by Anonymous, age x, x
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
yeah, i totally see what you mean. i definitely feel that way sometimes. *hugs if you want them*
i definitely agree with what Hawkstar and Celine said. i think there is a different between being mean/aggressive and being confident and asking for what you want, and it's possible to be kind while still putting yourself out there and advocating for yourself. i also think there is a difference between being "nice" and being "kind". i'm always finding myself trying to be nice, which often means i'm often bending over backwards trying to be polite and pleasant and meet the needs of everyone around me. it's really tiring, trying to be nice all the time, especially when the people around you aren't appreciative or responsive to your efforts. so i try to be kind instead; i try my best to care for those around me and be a good person, but i also try to take time for myself and not force myself to be perfect and pleasant just to make those around me happy. i acknowledge my needs as well as those of others and make sure i get what i need.
of course, even though the world tells you that "you should be nice and kind and good :))))", the world certainly doesn't make being nice and kind and good an easy or even desireable thing to be. the people who are in power and seem to have it the best are generally not very good people - just look at most billionaires and politicians! but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to be a good person. going out of your way to be kind to those around you can be a very brave thing to do! even when i'm having a bad day, i strive to do at least one good thing for others. and you know what? sometimes, doing that one good thing, seeing someone smile or just having the satisfaction of knowing that i made someone's day just a teeny bit better, is enough to turn my day around.
the thing with your brother sounds really frustrating, and i'm not sure you can do much about it if your parents are giving in to his tantrums. just know that that sort of behavior probably won't get him very far in the long run, and that you are an awesome person for not only striving to be a good person, but for recognizing how difficult trying to be a good person can be, and continuing to try to be one regardless! i hope this helped at least a little bit. if you ever need anything else, we're here <3
(December 20, 2023 - 8:39 pm)
Sometimes I feel like I'm super immature for my age. I just can't be myself in public because I don't want people to judge me, and even my younger sister is more mature than me sometimes.
(December 22, 2023 - 1:12 pm)
Felt that-
(December 22, 2023 - 4:01 pm)
A close friend of mine just died today and idk how to react. Like, when I found out I just stared and was like oh ok, it was so unceremonious. Someone just came over and was said "have you heard ×××× died" all nonchalantly and it hardly registered. And like I haven't cried and it's so weird. Like I'm getting a bunch of calls and texts being like "oh I'm so sorry this happened" and it's just confusing why I'm being apologised to and like focused on when it's not me who's gone? Then I don't know what to say to our friends who are unfortunantly taking it a lot harder. I'm not good at expressing myself or comforting others and feel bad for not feeling worse, but I also don't want to worry anyone or burden them when things are already difficult as they are.
It feels so surreal, because I was literally talking to them (the deceased friend) yesterday and we were having our regular banter and everything seemed fine. But now they're gone and will never be back. It's just... idk, crazy. Like I already miss them and can't imagine how things will be without them. They were such a kind and funny person with so much positivity and were a gnc, queer theatre kid with so much to live and so much hope and drive for despite having such a rough upbringing, but then, just like that -- gone. I just don't feel like I've processed it. I don't even know what there is to process here. I don't know why I haven't learned to deal with this with all the people that this has happened with, but like idk. It's still just so... weird.
I'm so sorry, Jaybells. It's very hard to lose a close friend, especially one, I assume, that is so young. I'll keep you in my prayers. We're here for you.
Admin
(December 22, 2023 - 7:55 pm)
Oh my gosh jaybells—*sends a million hugs or anything else you need* That is so sad. I can see how surreal that would seem. Firstly I just want to say we're here for you— whether you need jokes or virtual hugs or to talk or anything.
Second, you don't need to feel bad about not feeling worse. I totally get the expressing yourself thing and I think it's pretty normal, especially with big emotions. It would be so hard to process for, well, pretty much anyone. Their family, and their friends (including you) are in my prayers. I'm so sorry. (Ik that isn't always the right thing to say, so if it isn't...sorry.) When people that are close to you pass away, it's really, really hard. I hope you have the things you need, and once again, we're here if you need us.
*gives you another hug and some freshly-baked cookies*
(December 22, 2023 - 11:02 pm)
Thanks Admins, WildWolf. *returns hugs*
Thanks for just being here for us. It really does matter a lot. :)
(December 23, 2023 - 10:59 am)
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I never really know what to say to a person's loved ones when said person has died, but I want you to know that the way you're feeling right now - disconnected from this and shocked - is actually fairly normal, especially when someone has died so suddenly. I've personally experienced the feeling, and at first I felt really guilty for not being more upset, but I realized that it's just how I was feeling right there and I couldn't change it. Everyone processes grief differently, and there's no real "right" way to grieve.
(December 23, 2023 - 9:14 am)
Thanks for the reassurance Peri. *hugs*
This has happened before, but just not so suddenly and not with someone so young who actually had the motivation to go on; someone who was so full of hope and potential. Ugh, I just wish I could trade positions with them and feel really horrible for still being here despite not always wanting to. Like they were one of the few people I knew personally who always tried their best and had everything planned out and desired for such a better life that was in reach. They were so excited for life after school and just gave so much positivity to the world and everyone around them -- they deserved a chance. They wanted that chance. It just hurts that like people like me don't have that drive or passion or anything, but we're still here. We get the chance that they asked for, but we don't even want it. Like I would so readily give up my own everything for them and it just sucks that they didn't ever get far enough to even get a glimpse of their dreams. It's not fair that the best kind of people get nothing but an early death and everyone else gets to live on like they never existed. It's just so, so unfair. It doesn't make sense.
(December 23, 2023 - 6:06 pm)
I'm so, so sorry Jaybells. It's devestating when someone with their whole life ahead of them gets it taken away just like that- you're right, it's not fair. Never feel bad about 'greiving wrong', there's no right or wrong way to process loss and you should never beat yourself up about not reacting the same way as some of your other friends. I'm not sure what else to say, except that I'm here for you always. *hugs*
(December 23, 2023 - 10:51 pm)
Thanks Silver <3<3<3
It's just tough right now. Performing while trying to process things you can't totally understand can be tricky. 'specially when there's so much complexity.
I'm kinda trying to hold in my frustration and tears irl so my conflict over this isn't seeping out into people who just want to enjoy the holidays. It's kinda hard to act like everything is completely fine when I just want to retreat into my shell so I can remember how to breathe again. It'll be ok, though. Probably.
(December 24, 2023 - 3:46 pm)
Oh, Jaybells, I'm so sorry, for both you and your friend. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and sending you all my sympathy. If you want to talk more, I'll listen. <3 <3
(December 24, 2023 - 7:13 pm)
Thank you Poinsettia. *optional hugs*
(December 25, 2023 - 8:23 pm)
I just read this... That must be really hard. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
*offers hug*
(December 27, 2023 - 12:35 pm)
i was misclicked and went to the wrong page on this confessions thread and came across a really long anon comment talking about how in this one class they took they had no friends and how they felt left out bc they couldnt even ask these girls the same age as them their AGES bc of their social awkwardness. my heart panged for this person, since i can heavily relate. THEN I REALIZED THAT THIS WAS MY ANON COMMENT FROM MONTHS AGO
anway that post ended w/ me saying that after quitting the dance class and joining a tennis class i found my people—jajajajja, life update: a girl in that tennis class i thought was a friend was preeeetty toxic and tried to get my real friend to compare her and i in prettiness, like who does that?? and constantly talked abt how her mom was telling her to eat less (altho her mom let her buy junk food from the vending machines after practice, so...) when i was at the time so very insecure about my weight and easily felt the largest (i wasnt, rlly—just so insecure) point is she was an attention-seeker and a bit toxic. Also she bragged a lot abt having neurodivergent friends—like we (i am a selfdiagnosed neurodivergent, probably ocd or smth else) arent just there to make you seem interesting, we’re people with lives and although we’re neurodivergent we are NOT accessories to mKe you seem SPECIAL
anyway i quit that class and joined my swim team and am crushing on a guy a year older than me and help me please i get vibes from him does he like IDRK HIM THAT WELL WHAT IF HE HAS A GF or TURNS OUT TO BE SKETCHY? T^T his smile when we race tho—it makes my heart beat a little faster—
also ILY GUYS SM
@Jaybells - want to open up a chat thread? I just read what happened to your friend, and i dont want to make a comment about them thatz just a footnote—would you mind if i prayed for you and their family and opened a thread so we could chat if yup need to? Again i dont want this to be a footnote im so sorry but im on my phone and my fingers hurt (hence the asking to open a thread) <3
(December 25, 2023 - 11:33 pm)
Sure, Endless_Parodies.
Lol relating to a post only to realise that you posted it is definitely something I've done before....
Ooh, good for you with moving on! (Ugh and I totally get how annoying that tokenisation of marginalised identities can be) Sounds exciting! Good luck with everything!
(December 26, 2023 - 12:20 pm)