Oh my goodness, I've had dreams like that before... not about chatterbox and pronouns and stuff but other things. Oh man. 

that sounds stressful, I'm sorry. I get what you mean though—my parents also don't know I'm on the CB, or what pronouns I use on here. Like yours, my parents aren't against queer people in any way—they try, they're just... bad at it, and I don't really want to deal with that rn

also, there's nothing wrong with using various pronouns just because they "feel right." That's actually great, and it's awesome you've found something that feels comfy!! seriously!! you don't have to identify as trans or not cis or anything (or if you do, that's cool too) to use whatever pronouns you want.

I might suggest trying to find other queer people irl to talk to about stuff like this—the CB is great, but it can help to have a broader range of people to talk to, especially irl. Still, I don't know what your community is like, or if this is a viable option. (maybe talk to T [I think that was its name, the trans kid you mentioned a few weeks ago] if you feel comfortable?). If none of that's an option, or you don't want/need to, or it's simply too scary (that's all fine too!) there are a bunch of people on the CB who've probably gone through similar things and might be helpful if you ever need advice on something later.

good luck :)

Aw, here's some hugs friend.

I felt the same way when I first realised I didn't like being referred to as female. It's tough, buddy, but we're here for you if you ever need it.

I unfortunetly don't have any advice- but I have an unlimited supply of hugs!

*Offers you as many bear hugs as needed*

man, that sucks. i went through that about three years ago, and it's... still happening. this is a weird journey, but at least your friends are supportive. as awful as it can feel to be validated (and that does feel awful sometimes! it's bizarre!) it's better than the alternative. and there is absolutely no shame in taking as much time as you need to figure things out. it's a journey! non-binary/trans solidarity man! 

I wish I could say I totally understand- but my siblings aren't like that (YET) 

Hmmm. Honestly, what I'd do is either (and depends on situation)

a. choose the worst subjects to start talking about your siblings

2. pretend not to hear them, and don't react, because if you don't react and if you ignore them, your siblings will loose interest

or d. laugh along with the worst subjects like you don't care at all

BUT. That's just the things I'd do, but those things might help you! 

Omg for real TAT

I'm so sorry. That just sounds so awful. 

If your mom is in a good mood, maybe talk to her about this? If you're afraid about her getting mad at you if you do that, it might help to talk to someone else who can talk to her, like a sibling. If you are close to your dad, any siblings of your mom, or her parents, they can talk to her as well.

(gives as many hugs as you want)

oof yeah. especially the "why are you grumpy for 'no reason'" thing. like it doesn't matter what the heck they just did, it's my fault and i'm the one being unreasonable! and then - like say i broke a cup. One day it's just kind of like mild angry/upset, the next it's a whole big thing, the next it's "why are so scared? it's just a cup, it doesn't matter". and then whenever something just kind of bad happens, or things end up fine, I end up berating myself for breaking down about it. and if i'm upset becaues of anything and i like try to get away or like... anything other than what they want, then they just get madder, and sometimes i'm just like bored and kind of make it worse on purpose and yeah this isn't fun. sorry this turned into a rant. but yeah, this sort of thing is not fun, and it's totally reasonable that it ruins your day. 

have some virtual cupcakes (allergy friendly and sustainably made) and a cat or stuffed animal to hug and the permission to go do something nice for yourself (reread a favorite book or rewatch a tv show/movie, get a tasty snack, anything that'll make you feel a bit better). (I'm sorry offering a hug makes me feel sick right now so) 

i guess the best advice i have right now is that if you have anyone irl you trust, you could talk to them about it. i really hope you do have someone irl you trust, and if you don't I'm so sorry (i don't either and it's not fun). it could really help, and maybe you can add more detail irl and they can actually help.

oh also, after it happens, i'd suggest trying to either do something you like to focus on that instead to calm down. it might help to write about it in a journal too, if you can do that safely - the only thing i want to warn you about is that if you start using it to spiral, or putting weight behind things that aren't true (like "it was my fault" or "i'm bad for reacting to it"), you should either challenge them (like "it would be very hard not to react, and it's completely reasonable to be upset" (i probably could find a better example sorry)) or stop and try to refocus on something else. it sounds like you might have a lot of time alone afterwards, which is how i'm basing these suggestions. sometimes the aftermath is kind of worse (at least for me, because i don't really feel anything during the thing, among other things, especially since they might come up at any moment and that sort of thing); if you can manage to use that time to be kind to yourself that's great. but it's still totally reasonable to cry or not really have any motivation the rest of the day, it might just make the aftermath a little less painful?

anyway i hope something helped??? and you can always rant on here of course. 

That sounds terrible! I don't really have any advice, but I do have unlimited hugs :)