Do you need to rant WHY you are livid at them? I'd listen... but understand if you don't feel like it *sends calming vibes* If not, just let it out! Scream some more! I'd read that too :P

yelling at them wouldn't necessarily be wrong, but yeah, context would be good.

Oh nooo! Being sick is awful :/ Maybe you could keep in contact with your friends and crush through texts and emails? And here are some things that will hopefully help you recover quickly:

-drink lemon-balm and sage tea, which are slightly antiviral

-eat lots and lots of chicken soup, which is highly nutritious and tastes delicious (ooh that rhymes - maybe I should write advertising jingles lol)

-rest as much as possible

-do not stress out more than you have to. Just try to focus on the good things in your life and leave worrying about everything else for later. You'll get better a lot more quickly if you can make it easier for your body to direct its resources toward fighting off the illness.

-after you're well, keep resting and being careful as much as possible so that you don't have a relapse, especially with all these flus and Covid variants going around.

Feel better soon!! *sends hugs and positivitea*

aw, parody, that sounds really exciting!

and if you feel like going back to she/her, go for it! I've also experienced wanting to use different pronouns just to seem cool, so it does happen. anyway, I hope you have a great time with L! if you want to talk more about it, feel free to tell me! :) (only if you want to of course, though :) )

hey go, for it, man. and if you feel that you should drop the they/faer pronouns, go for it. it isn't for everyone. and don't feel guilty about experimenting with them, everyone deserves the chance to figure out what they're comfortable with. i'm nonbinary, but some people seem to think all nonbinary folks are part of some dastardly conspiracy to make everyone go by neopronouns, which, no? i think everyone should be free to be whatever they want to be. if you feel happy and comfortable with she/her, sweet. you weren't doing it to seem "cool," insofar as i can tell. i think you were just figuring yourself out.

wait till you see him irl, and if it works out, cool! 

Oh, Jay *offers hugs* You deserve better. I hope that things will change - in fact, I'm sure they will, because rarely do bad situations last forever. Back when one of my family members had long Covid, I didn't know if she would be able to be fully healthy again, or even survive. And now she's completely well again and our lives have gone back to normal, for which I am always grateful. It took a couple years, but all of us pitched in and we managed to pull through, and so will you. Maybe you can get into college and live on your own to escape the toxic family situation, or find a job that really interests you, or the like. Try not to stress out too much about what's already happened; none of it is your fault, and you deserve to take some time toward healing.

Here are some things that have helped me to feel better in the past, to unwind and help yourself gain a truly fresh start, re-embrace life's beauty, or just have fun:

-reading (duh) - when I'm sad I prefer light funny books that help me see things with a sense of humor and decide that the world is a more cheerful place than I thought, but idk if that's what you like? I can give you some recs if you want.

-watching movies - again, light funny ones are often helpful, but then again, I spent a huge amount of time during 2020 just watching Frozen and Frozen II XD

-listening to music, even just one song and then replaying it in your head for the rest of the day

-having a party! You can just invite a few friends over, set out some snacks and put on some music, and do some dancing and talking.

-just simply evaluating your priorities. You can do something like making a list of all the things that are really important to you (like maybe health and love, as examples) and try to embrace those things wherever you find them.

-spending some time on a specific interest or hobby that you have, like languages 

-start a notebook in which you write down things that make you happy. It can be just small things, like words that give you a little thrill; something nice that someone said; a particularly interesting small discovery, like finding out a quirky fun fact; funny quotes from books and movies; rambling pieces of prose in which you recount your favorite memories; and then when you're sad, reread the pages you've written.

-helping others; help a classmate with schoolwork, pick some flowers and put them in a parent's room, befriend someone lonely. 

-If you're religious, praying and trying to establish a relationship with God can be very helpful. In fact, even if you're not religious, sometimes going into a church or another religious building can be a very peaceful, relaxing experience. Old churches especially, at least for me, feel like places cut off from the rest of the world, and they're really full of peace and kindness - I don't know why, but that's the atmosphere they have for me. Chatting with a religious figure like a local priest can also be helpful, because sometimes priests are extremely kind and comforting people. Maybe it would also help you cope with the loss of your friends, even. (I am not trying to pressure you into becoming religious or anything, though. This whole suggestion only applies if you already want to get into religion a bit more.)

-going out in nature, especially in spring. If there's a park near you, or a nature area of some sort, try taking a walk there by yourself and just looking at the sky, the flowers, the birds (or alternatively, the snow, the icicles, the tree branches that look like a network of lace...) Take some photos or just wander around looking at everything, and take a few minutes just to breathe the air and reflect on how wonderful it is that these things exist. Wherever you go, look for small beautiful things and try to appreciate them, and you'll see how much more vivid your life becomes. (Hopefully I haven't just won the All-Time Award for Most Cheesiness In a Single Paragraph lol.)

Anyway, I guess my point is that in most cases you can find lots to appreciate in life, and it'll help you through whatever you might be experiencing. I'm truly sorry you're struggling so much right now; I wish I could be actually there to help you instead of just sending support through a computer screen, but I'll be here for you anyway if you need it.

I also wrote something for you a while ago on this thread, which I'll link here in case you want to see it:

https://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/downtoearth/node/561928

I'm so sorry to hear about all your medical problems, Jaybells, and it seems like you have so much else on your plate right now too. I don't have much advice, but I (and so many other people on this very special place) am here for you so if you need anything... *sends hugs (if you like hugs) and your favorite relaxing things*

i relate to this so much.