ugghhh, understood. do you have a reliable source to talk to about these issues? i want to understand the circumstances before providing any specific advice

i don't think it's lazy, no. 

not to make this about me or anything (just giving an example here), but i work so hard during the week to get my schoolwork done and study - plus, just being in school around people is really draining and tiring in and of itself. and even on the weekends, i don't get to relax half the time - sometimes i'll have school projects, or religious stuff, or some family event. 

so i'm really grateful for any chance to do something that makes me happy - whether that's listening to music, practicing a hobby, or coming on the CB for a bit - even if that isn't necessarily "productive." and something doesn't have to be "productive" to be worthwhile, y'know? like, it really isn't a waste of time to hone your skills for a particular hobby - even just doing nothing is giving you time to rest and recharge.

and i think it's pretty common for parents to push their kids to work hard and succeed, but honestly, that mindset can be pretty harmful. it's so so important to be able to take a step back from your work and just take a moment to relax, and parents don't always realize that. i feel like a lot of the time older generations are so quick to label the younger generations as "lazy," but the majority of the time, that's just not true.  

like the admin said, maybe you can do both! finding a balance between work and relaxation/stuff that makes you happy isn't always easy but it's really important.

hope this helped a bit! let me know if you need anymore advice <3

Okay, I'll start off by saying that you are worthy, then. However, I don't think that will effectively solve the problem.

If you want advice, most people need some form of love, but if you feel like you need someone to confirm your self worth, I think you ought to think about why that is and who can give it to you. I don't know why or who. You might not even know why or who. But it's good to try.

And you should try to practice self-love, which is easier said than done but important. Remember there is a difference between being modest and being mean to yourself. Try to compliment yourself and find things you like about yourself. Try to reverse negative self talk when you can. If there's time, try to listen to music you like or read books you like or otherwise do things to take care of yourself.

It's not an easy thing, but I think it's important. 

And I hope it's not weird or anything for me to say it, but I think you're really cool. You're so funny and you're such a great artist and you're just really distinctive. Definitely someone I want to be friends with

Darkvine, you are totally amazing! I always love whenever you post your art, and whenever you do the random context thing XD You are funny and kind and love dragons so that's like, totally worthy right there because, I mean, DRAGONS

Darkvine, we love you. I honestly can't imagine the CB without you here. You are funny and clever and artistic and all of your posts are a joy to read.

Aw, Bobcat, we do care. If you're going through a hard time, you deserve love and support more than ever <3

And I very much agree with what you said about how reading dark books is not comforting. I don't know who told you that, but he/she is quite wrong - at least, maybe it works for some people, but definitely not for everyone! I always get monumentally depressed or upset after reading something gory and dark even when life is fine. If I were in a difficult time in my life, it would be even worse. It makes sense, really: dark books are meant to create strong shock, horror, fright, or other similar feelings. Feeling those emotions is never going to make you feel happy, which is the emotion you should be aiming for.

That said, sometimes reading something that's just very sad, or that shows a character going through something similar to your own problems and overcoming them, can be helpful. That's why there are so many sad songs and stories in traditional cultures, probably. But if you don't find it helpful, that's fine as well.

Relating to characters can be difficult, I agree. I think, though, that's mainly because a lot of characters are pretty shallow, just figures rather than people, and anyone would find it difficult to relate fully to them. Whereas with a Shakespeare play or a Dickens novel, you can always relate to someone there, no matter what your particular situation is like. I think some writers speak to just one group or culture; others speak to the entire group of human beings. Maybe you'd enjoy reading something like that, especially with someone else so you can share discussions and interpretations?

And if you want to find comfort through reading, which is something that can indeed be wonderfully comforting, I would totally recommend reading something light, joyous, and funny. It might help you feel loads better. Laughing is the best medicine for most things, and having a sense of humor can get you through life much better than any other approach. Basically, when struggling, I think it's important to help yourself focus on the good things in life, not the bad ones. Happy movies are also really good in that respect. I'd recommend the All Creatures Great & Small TV series (the most recent one), Confessions of a Shopaholic, While You Were Sleeping, and A Man and His Cow and The Rose Maker (which are in French, but you can always add subtitles, and they're really beautiful). For books, the Bagthorpe Saga series by Helen Cresswell and the Melendy Quartet series by Elizabeth Enright are good places to start. I can give you tons more suggestions, though! 

I hope this helps!

like Poinsettia said, we DO care, and i don't think you're exaggerating/overreacting or anything <333 *optional hugs and general good vibes*

honestly, yeah. dark books - i don't think they're comforting either. do i like them? sure! i think they can have really fascinating views of the human experience as well as really strong themes/messages. a lot of people do like them, and i think that's wonderful. 

but at the same time, i don't really make a habit of reading them or read EXCLUSIVELY dark books. idk if this is a universal experience or if i'm just very sensitive to media, but the media i consume - whether that's music, books, tv, whatever - has a huge impact on my mental state - generally more negative than positive, but ig it works both ways. if i'm in a good place, i read those sorts of books, but if i'm not necessarily in a good place, those sorts of books can make it a LOT worse. some people can find comfort in seeing similar experiences to their own in media, but that doesn't really comfort me and the experiences characters have in these sorts of books aren't always so similar to my own?

like, i don't know, like you said - it's like (wow i am overusing the word "like") there's a "right" way and a "wrong" way to be hurt. the right way is the visible stuff, the big stuff, the stuff you can't deny. the right way is when, even though you're hurt, you're able to pull yourself together and take care of yourself and function, to some extent. when you aren't inconveniencing anyone. and then there's the "wrong" way; it's when you're hurting in small ways, inside where no one can see it, and you pull yourself together so that no one knows you're hurting, and then you have a breakdown and people are like "what?? i didn't know you were like this???" (because apparently your hurting isn't valid unless people can see it, unless people are affected by it) and then you pull yourself together again and you act like you're FINE and then people assume you're fine and act like you're all 100% better now (even though you're not). the wrong way is messy. it's not pretty. but half the time, it's invisible, too.

but there is no wrong way to hurt. there's no right way either. it hurts. it SUCKS. there's no singular universal experience for that, and for as diverse as these dark stories may be, they certainly don't represent every type of hurt there is. 

i think that dark books also kind of romanticize pain? not always, but...i think a lot of books do kind of have a sort of negative message when it comes to that. like i said, it's not that way in EVERY book - some definitely do a good job of addressing heavier topics like that without romanticizing it, but still. i think that's something important to note especially going into reading these books because it is an issue i've come across in books. 

and the whole characters-having-friends-who-care-for-them thing. yeah <3 i think - for me, at least - loneliness is one of the hardest emotions to deal with. if you're feeling sad, or numb, or otherwise hurting, you can always confide in someone, but if you have no one to confide in, your feelings have nowhere to go, so they just steep inside you until they become some sort of really sad emotion-tea (wow my metaphors are amazing /sar). idrk what else to say, but yeah. feeling isolated seriously sucks. the CB is always here for you - i know how you can't really get advice on more serious stuff because of the guidelines, but if i'll do my best to be here for you if you ever need advice. or just to chat!! sometimes that can enough to feel a little better <33

i just realized this is kind of long, i'm sorry! i'll try to wrap this up. i think that, as Poinsettia said, it's important to focus on the positives! i know how hard that can be, especially when you're feeling sad and numb, but it is so so important to find things to be grateful for, even if you aren't feeling particularly grateful. that being said, i also think it's really important to acknowledge your feelings!! even if you're feeling emotionless, just acknowledging that you're feeling emotionless can help. keep a journal, maybe, if you have that sort of commitment for it (...i don't, oops), or write some poetry/stories (your writing is incredible and so so full of emotion!! and i always find writing stuff helps me process my feelings) - y'know, if you find it hard to relate to characters in fiction, you could always write your own....

okay yeah this is LONG and probably half nonsensical, i'm so sorry! hopefully this helped at least a little bit!! i just want you to know that you're absolutely NOT alone, and if you ever need to talk about anything, we're here <333 

I think I sort of understand? It’s a different experience for me, but when I read books with “quirky” or “sunshiny” characters, I feel a little hurt sometimes. Because they’re always “quirky” and “sunshiny” in all the right ways. In real life, I’m not “quirky” so I’m cute. I’m quirky so I sit alone at lunch, and so (virtually) nobody (irl) relates to my interests, and so people make fun of me. I’m not “sunshiny” so I’m uplifting, fun, or a “cinnamon roll.” I’m sunshiny so people get irritated with my wanting to be positive and offer advice instead of just feeling what they’re feeling.
I don’t know if I can say I’m totally feeling what you feel, but I think I kind of get it. It’s like everyone wants to understand you with their book, but nobody actually does it.
I don’t think I totally understand exactly what you are trying to say, but I think I get the general idea. It’s okay to feel this way. This might sound cliche for me to say, but it’s true: your feelings are valid. People won’t always understand, but it’s not for (or about) those people. So don’t let them tell you otherwise.
Anyway this is super vague and probably unhelpful but I thought I should just say something. I admire you greatly; you’re so smart and have brilliant ideas, and you’re so worldly. Your voice has the power to change minds, and that is one of the greatest powers of all. I hope things look up for you soon.