Places to Chat
ConfessionsC
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
ConfessionsC
Confessions
Confess your deepest secrets here, anonymously, if you'd prefer
I won't judge
submitted by Anonymous, age x, x
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
(October 15, 2020 - 1:43 pm)
Eek nightmares are seriously the worse, especially because you can't escape from them (well, actually, I have a counterclaim for that later) and you can't hide like you could in real life.
I struggled with bad dreams/nightmares a lot, so I started being very mindful about what media I'm consuming. For example, I didn't watch the Hunger Games when my class was watching it (because a scene from it was fixed in my memory for a day), checked spoiler-free reviews for books to make sure they won't trigger me, avoided opening a certain textbook I have with a picture of a spider in it (I have arachnophobia), and etc. Perhaps, if you really want to escape from the nightmares, you could keep a strict eye on what you're reading, and listening to, and watching?
I don't know if this helps, but once I had a bad dream that was looking like a nightmare. And I think maybe it it might have been a lucid dream, because I started frantically trying to wake up, before resolving to just close my dream-version-of-eyes and take a few deep breaths. And strangely, once I did that, my dream self suddenly had the ability to fly, and I was able to escape the nightmare-ish situation and just enjoy the sensation of flying in one's sleep. I have no idea if I was actually lucid dreaming and how that works anyway, but maybe it does work, with some experimenting?'
Nya says <bffoz>...that's the second time xe's said bff, just with different contexts...whoa.
(April 10, 2024 - 7:47 pm)
School trips are coming up, and they just released a rooming survey. I'm afab (assigned female at birth) and I'd like to room with my amab transfem friend. She's the person I'd be most comfortable with and I don't have any close afab friends on the trip. My parents are vehemently opposed to this idea for a variety of [stupid] reasons that basically boil down to "biology," "not comfortable with two opposite agabs (assigned gender at birth) rooming one-on-one," and being "worried that all your acquaintances [who you should spend more time with anyway because social outreach good yay] are going to think it's weird." I go to a very progressive school and social ostracization won't be a problem, but my parents are generally not super enthusiastic about being friends with a lot of queer people because it's "easier to fit in societally." I also completely disagree with the "biology" and "it's inapropriate" arguments. I don't know how to make them see either of these things.
I'm also not cis—I'm currently questioning my gender, but I haven't told them [or basically anyone actually] about that. They've said some fairly transphobic stuff when I talk to them about it, and I'm worried that means they wouldn't support me if I ever decided to come out to them. I knew before this happened that they were bad at things like using people's correct pronouns, but they respond ok when I correct them so I figured they were just bad at trans stuff. Now I'm not as sure.
I want to change their minds and make them realize their beliefs are stupid but I can't tell them why this issue is actually important to me. I've argued for at least an hour already and am making no positive process, and I don't know what to do. I'm considering talking to my advisor/trip lead [who's queer] about it but I also don't want to make it a huge issue before it needs to be.
Advice would be really appreciated!!
(April 9, 2024 - 6:50 pm)
hey there!
this seems like a really frustrating situation. i've definitely been in situations similar to this, and it really sucks.
from what you've said, it seems like you've talked a lot to them about this. the one thing i would majorly recommend is really trying to stay calm and try to explain in a unaccusatory way why you want to room with her. if you're full on arguing with them, they won't actually process what your saying in a more positive way.
obviously thats kind of basic advice, but also i would say after sitting down and calmly explaining why you would feel a lot more comfortable with her, if they're still acting resistant....maybe you should talk to your trip leader?
i also wanted to say its important to understand your parents' point of view. as a parent, its natural to feel protective of your children, and although you clearly know your friend very well, they might not. and if their views are different than yours, they might feel uncomfortable initially, especially if they think trans people are not "valid".
it's really, really hard to deal with stuff like this, but im confident you'll get through it! good luck!
(April 10, 2024 - 2:04 pm)
oof that's hard. i'd definitely suggest talk to the trip leader, they'll know more than we do. even if it feels like a big deal, I think they could be very helpful. i don't know what your motivation for not wanting to make it a big deal is so i can't help there though. i'll post more later but for now that's all i have, sorry. also i'm sorry that your parents are queerphobic, that's really unfun :( i'm also closeted and i know that's awful. if you want more advice on that aspect i can do my best (with the caveat that I don't know your situation as well as you do and that sort of thing) but if not that's fine too. *optional hugs, allergy-friendly ice cream, cat to snuggle, and/or book of your choice*
(April 10, 2024 - 5:14 pm)
tysm to BB and anonnn for replying to my earlier post <3
I talked to my trip leader a bit and I ended up just submitting some random afab people I'd be semi-ok with rooming with. She offered to help talk to my parents about being less transphobic but I said it was ok. She also said she'd talk to some other adults (school counselors mainly, I think) about it but keep my anonymous and pass along anything useful that could help. I haven't talked again to/came to a conclusion with my parents.
@BB: I'd honestly love advice on the ~being closeted~ part if you're willing. My main issue is that I'm still questioning and while I've made peace—kind of—with the fact that I'm not cis, I have no idea what I am or how to figure that out. I hate living as a cis girl but I don't have a better alternative and even if I did figure it out, I'm scared my parents/family wouldn't be accepting. I guess advice on how to figure out gender/pronouns would be really helpful but also just living closeted every day and struggling with stuff like dysphoria (I've made some... bad choices about things like binding pretty recently, for example, and I'm a little scared I'll do it again—I know what not to do and why not to do it but sometimes I'm so tired of everything and just can't bring myself to care).
I have a few really good trans friends who know I'm questioning but I don't really like talking about it even to them. It's just awkward and part of me is still very much in denial. Idek what I need right now or how much you can help (idrk your situation either, but it sounds really difficult <3).
...please excuse my long ramble haha
(April 13, 2024 - 3:10 pm)
I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately, mostly because of my mom. first of all, I know she has good intentions, but she signs me up for everything: two different schools (both take place one day a week but have tons of homework), an advanced online herpetology course, tons of homeschooling work, and a summer job teaching kids about trees and animals at an arboretum. secondly, my mom is paranoid and a perfectionist. she freaks out if I'm not trying my absolute hardest and doing everything perfectly. even if I'm trying, if I make a small mistake or accidentally leave something out, she pretends it doesn't bother her, but she clearly hates it and it ruins her day.
somewhat related to unrealistic expectations, from time to time my mom makes a joke about me eventually having a boyfriend... I'm ace. I'm fairly sure my mom is homophobic (based on her comment last June about 'ugly colors' and the strange disappearance of one of my books about a nonbinary character), so I really don't want to come out while she is able to make my life even more miserable
I still don't know what happened to my book, but I'm definitely going to be keeping an eye on my other books about queer characters from now on.
thank you for reading this long comment about my problems
(yall can probably guess me easily so idk why I'm posting under an anonymous name *crying noises*)
(April 12, 2024 - 10:05 am)
*gives you an optional virtual hug and an also optional basket of any combination of fruit or chocolate...whichever you prefer*
I'm so sorry that's happening...Have you tried talking to your mom and explaining that you're feeling overwhelmed?
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! <3
(April 12, 2024 - 7:24 pm)
So, lately Anytime I go anywhere it takes so much out of me and I'm not very present in the conversations even at youth group which is like my favorite part of the week! Am I just lazy or is this something more? And is there anything that could help?I've been trying to just push through,be present,act enthusiastic but it feels like I'm in the room but I'm not really there.Is this a thing other people go through too,or am I just weird?also I don't really feel like I can talk to my mom about this because I feel like she'll just say I'm lazy.
also completely unrelated,but there's a boy at youth group who I'm 99.9%sure likes me but I don't know if I like him back.I haven't had a crush since about a year back I had a huge crush on this boy and I was always told he liked me back by his sister and my friends,and then apparently he just "stopped liking me"( never understood that) and I haven't had a crush since.but that's super off topic from why I made this comment.
Do any of y'all know what's up with me?
(April 13, 2024 - 11:47 am)
I'm not entirely sure if I'm relating, but I also tend to be present but not truly there. This is because I get interested in staring at the wall or some other object of interest during youth group (because it's loud, and I get overwhelmed and 10 times quieter than usual). Also not sure if this is what you're referring to by "takes so much out of me", but social activities really drain my energy. You could also be tired. It's hard to be present sometimes when you're tired.
(April 16, 2024 - 9:50 pm)
i like my guy best friend, but he likes someone else, plus we have a religious difference that I know my parents wouldn't approve of. i just can't help it, ive tried to get over him but it isn't working
(April 13, 2024 - 9:45 pm)
not sure if this is the best but here's what i have. if you want to ask more questions or answer them and ask for advice or anything i'll do my best to reply
Do you think your parents would be receptive to talking about it? Are they prone to getting mad or saying mean things or such? Sometimes it’s hard to tell these things. How likely do you think it would be that they could change their views if they realized how important it was to you? Is it likely that they are mostly being transphobic because they want to “protect” you, and how deeply ingrained are their views that being queer is something to be protected from? I’d absolutely recommend having the trip leader there with you, even if you think it’d go well, though. She would be able to step in if things went poorly, and probably have some ideas for how to do this so it went well. Also, you could consider deconstructing their beliefs: “what makes it inappropriate? The only reason is that you’ve been taught to think it is. If it was truly inappropriate, there would have to be a negative effect.” That’s not a well-made argument but. If they respond well when you correct them, why do you think that is? Do you think they could learn?
Umm, for gender and pronouns… that’s kind of hard. Some things to think about… What do you want to be? Is there any kind of gender that makes you feel like it’s something you should be or want to be? What sort of gender presentations can you imagine being without it being uncomfortable? For instance, how do you feel about: he/him, she/her, they/them, and other pronouns like xe/xyr or it/its? What about combinations of those? What about being called a girl, boy, both, or nonbinary? what about genders that make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel like you have a gender, or maybe not (agender)? Multiple genders? When you think of your gender, what comes to mind? What about being a cis girl do you not like? (There might not be a answer to this beyond “it’s wrong”, but in case there is that’d be important) If you could keep a journal without it being read, you could try out names and pronouns. If you don’t like what you’re living with now, maybe just try something completely random out for an entry and see how it feels. Even if there’s no reasoning behind it and you hate it. You can do this in your head too, if you can’t write it down. Also: incognito browsers exist. And you don’t have to be completely sure what your gender is to come out (if it's safe). Even if you decide you’re not that gender, you’ll have been more comfortable for a bit. Even if you end up deciding you are a cis girl, maybe you’ll be more comfortable with it now that you’ve tried something else out, and you’ll know more about yourself regardless. There’s nothing wrong with being wrong. It sounds like you have a really good queer community around you; maybe they can help. what makes you feel uncomfortable about talking to them? Or you can have more examples.
Dysphoria is hard and i don't have a real answer here… if you don’t like your clothes, do you think you could get some that are a little less dysphoric without coming out?
(April 14, 2024 - 7:54 pm)
(April 15, 2024 - 10:27 pm)
i use any pronouns and i just realized it last week.
i don't mind if you use he/him pronouns for me, actually. i'm not trans, but it feels good to have people use them for me? which they don't, really, because i don't look REMOTELY male.
i don't mind if you use she/her pronouns for me, either. i look like a girl.
nor do i mind they/them.
i just...love them all! i don't know how to describe it, but i just sorta know i use any pronouns.
(April 16, 2024 - 10:08 am)
:) congrats on figuring that out!
(April 16, 2024 - 5:27 pm)
okay so basically: I won the concerto competition for my local youth orchestra and so i'm going to have a short bio and probably have more focus on me, and have my name plastered all over more stuff. And also be more visible while i'm actually doing the concerto. Here's the problem: I'm trans, and I'm not out. and i have like 10 days to decide on a name. and also if i do this it'll be coming out to A LOT of people, who very well might not know anything about gender and stuff.
I actually came out to my mom like two nights ago, and it went... shockingly well. Like, she didn't get mad or anything and was like... she was actually like really nice. Like she didn't get what I meant when I said I'm both a boy and nonbinary and still thinks i'm not sure about which it is (that's all I came out as), but I'm not complaining at all because like she didn't get mad or anything. i'm trying to demonstrate that it went really well. anyway, I actually think she might be willing to help me with some of this stuff. I haven't talked to my dad yet and suspect he might be harder; my mom at least talks to more neurodivergent people and there's a big overlap of queerness and autism in particular. but anyway the fact that it went so well is actually kind of worse in some ways because now i'm mad at myself for ever being mad at anything, but anyway. that's enough on that. I really need to bring it up again but these things can be very fickle and fine one day and not fine the next...
i still haven't fully decided on a name. There are two or three I like. All of them are Japanese, and I'm a little scared I don't look Japanese enough to use them (I'm mixed race with white) and also slightly scared I might look like a racist anime fan heh (there's a specific kind of anime fan i'm talking about, just liking anime doesn't make you one). but i might have to more or less decide in like... probably before next Sunday, and I'm really not sure what to choose. I'm always going back and forth. and i also kind of wonder if i should just go with a white name but honestly none of them feel like me. Also my current name is very white. and also i'm going to have to teach people how to say it. and probably check with my Japanese teacher on if it's a normal name or not. (I think it might be in actual Japan, I'm just used to like really old names) but.
names aside, what the heck do i do for pronouns? I've narrowed it down to ae/aer/aem, ve/ver/vim or ve/vis/vim, and he/him. But do I add in they/them in case anyone will use it? I don't really like they/them. but i don't want he/him all the time. i guess i probably should... and if i do write the bio, what pronouns do I use? i know even a lot of queer people hate neopronouns.
for reference, i don't know how queer-friendly my area is. i'm luckily in a very good state, but in a relativley more rural area (my state is like "huge city and then cornfields" heh). i rarely see other queer people. Like every time I go to another state or place, even if it's more conservative, I see more visibly queer people. though i guess technically i'm kind of a visibly queer person heh...
anyway my orchestra doesn't know yet. So I'd be coming out very soon before the concert. Like, days. and i really don't know if i could choose the right name. and what if there was a slip up? I hate my old name so much. I always have actually - the instant i learned of the name my parents almost named me I wanted it instead (it's also a Japanese name that is feminine but sounds less overtly so to white people probably).
anyway i don't know what else to write anymore but if anyone has ANY ideas or thoughts, PLEASE post them as soon as you can. i legitimately don't know what to do.
(April 17, 2024 - 1:03 pm)