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I feel very
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
submitted by Maggie
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
1. Oh, for Pete's sake. Almost every teenager has acne. It will go away in time. Don't worry about it.
2. The IB program is designed to be really stressful, even for the smartest of kids. If you want to drop out, that's okay. I know tons of kids who didn't want to do IB in high school, and they're all really smart and funny.
3. How so?
4. I like you. If you don't want to like yourself, fine. I'm not going to tell you what to like.
Cheeky sixth-graders. The best kind. Don't let him get to you. If he insults you, just insult him right back or annoy him. Like this lovely conversation between my ex-rival and me today:
(We were at the board in front of the Japanese classroom, writing things on the board.)
#4: You're in my way.
Me: That's my life goal- to get in your way.
#4: Your fat body is in my way. Why is your body so fat?
Me: All the better to get in your way with.
And then I, with my infinte maturity, kicked him. And then he, in his even more infinite maturity, kicked me back. I don't suggest you kick your annoying sixer. Rather, *ahem ahem you didn't hear kicking people was a good idea from me cough cough*.
Your winter break is coming up soon, right? Pretty soon you can have a break and relax a little. Just get through this bit right now.
Oh, and because a friend asked me, what is the point of learning Latin?
(December 11, 2013 - 7:04 pm)
1. It isn't going to go away for ages and I actually reallyreallyreally hate it because for one thing it looks awful, and also I was bullied for it in fourth, fifth, AND sixth grade, so why should I be happy with how I look? No one else likes how I look.
2. It actually CAUSED my episode on Tuesday night so I don't think I CAN stick with it.
3. Well, Brikena just said I'm actually nice most of the time, except when I'm mad. I just don't think I'm that nice.
4. Why do you like me? I mean, you can like me if you want. I just can't guarantee that I'LL ever like me.
Um...it's helpful on the SATs, I guess? I don't know. I'll ask the Latin teacher tomorrow.
In my high school Latin book there was a section called "Latin Lives Today. 1. The study of Latin is very helpful in the study of the modern romance languages (Italian, etc.). When I was in Italy, if I didn't know the Italian word for something, I used the Latin word and was understood. 2. A large proportion of English is derived from Latin, therefore the study of Latin helps with English vocabulary and spelling. 3. Latin is a very organized language. I actually learned more about English grammar (parts of speech, etc.) in Latin class than I ever did in English. 4. Pure Latin terms and abbreviations are used in English (etc. = et cetera, literally "and other things"), medical terms, prescriptions, research papers (ibid. = ibidem, meaning "in the same place").
Admin
(December 12, 2013 - 12:48 pm)
1. You don't have to nessecarily like or dislike something. Have you been bullied about other things in the past?
2. That's what I'm saying. It's not a problems to leave the IB program. It's a really, really, intense program that isn't intended for everyone, even really smart people. You might want to look into the AP program. AP is also a very academic course but it's not quite as rigorous as IB.
I really want to know what you mean by an episode. If you don't feel comfortable telling me, that's okay, but I'm worried about you.
3. I don't think anyone is very pleasant when they're mad, really. What in your behavior do you consider to not be nice?
4. I like you because I find you very courageous and interesting. I like listening to what you have to say and I want to make you laugh because I think that seeing you happy would be wonderful. I bet you have a beautiful smile.
(December 14, 2013 - 11:13 pm)
1. I've been bullied for acne, lack of social skills, lack of confidence, everything.
2. My mom won't listen to me. I guess I'll just have to deal with it.
The admins don't seem to be comfortable with me saying what kind of episode it was.
3. I'm not good at talking to people and that isn't good. I get mad too easily and have issues expressing emotions (probably because of the depression).
4. Thank you.
(December 15, 2013 - 12:21 pm)
You said you'd like to meet on another website. Do you think your parents would let you get Facebook? If so, I'm a member of the Cricket Chatterboxers Official Facebook group and I explained my episodes on the Facebook page. If not, then I don't know how I can explain it to you because the Admins don't seem comfortable with me telling you. (I'm reading over this and it doesn't sound like me at all because usually when I talk to people I stumble over my words.)
(December 16, 2013 - 3:50 pm)
I feel like a bad person for not getting around to this faster.
Sorry, I don't feel comfortable getting a Facebook and I don't think my parents would let me have one. They would also make fun of me quite a bit for wanting one.
(December 18, 2013 - 5:49 pm)
It's fine, but the admins seriously won't let me tell you what kind of episodes they are. I've tried probably fifteen times.
(December 18, 2013 - 8:07 pm)
This needs to be established: I don't like talking about my issues with people in real life, unless I really really trust them. That's why I can talk to Brikena, but I can't talk to my therapist. I don't really like therapists. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because 1) they're so condescending. Ugh. 2) something about the fact that they're getting paid to help people with their issues just makes me mad. 3) if I'm asked to talk about my problems with someone, I can't. I generally seek help from the strangest of places (like the CB, tumblr, instagram, and Yahoo Answers) 4) I have really bad trust issues. I can't talk to my parents about my issues, because my mom makes me so mad I can't even think, and my stepdad is too...nice about it, and my dad gets uncomfortable when I talk about my mental health. He actually got uncomfortable when my mom mentioned that I fired my therapist. My siblings are out of the question because although you'd think my sister would understand, considering the fact that she struggles with depression too, she doesn't. She thinks I'm faking this whole depression thing, which I'm not. She also thinks that I'm only atheist to get attention, because apparently part of the depression stereotype is atheistic beliefs, and "all atheists are depressed freaks" so basically I just don't get along with my sister and so I'm not going to discuss my mental health with her. My brother: for one thing, he's 9 years old. I'm not going to force a 9 year old to deal with my issues. For another thing: his blatant disrespect for mental illness is incredibly aggravating. And I do talk to my friends about it, it's just that they aren't depressed and while they may offer good advice occasionally, they just don't get it. And also I'm kind of scared that they're going to stop hanging out with me because I talk about mental illnesses all the time. Two girls I was friends with last year, Abigail and Jordyn, are both uncomfortabe around me now because I heaped my problems on them last year. Abigail doesn't even listen anymore if I mention my counselor or anything depressing. Jordyn just
gets exhasperated now. That's why I'm worried that Brikena won't want to
hang out with me next year, but hopefully that won't happen.
(December 9, 2013 - 2:26 pm)
And another thing about my utter lack of self esteem: it protects me. I'm immune to insults, because I've heard far worse from my own brain (and my mom). The fact that insults no longer hurt is still a bit of a shock.
(December 9, 2013 - 11:56 pm)
If your depression is coming from other people insulting you (like your teachers appeared to with the drawing issue) then you should tell someone what they are saying and who is saying it. I mean a person, in real life, because if you are feeling this bad about yourself because of what other people are saying to you then their put-downs should be addressed.
In re the insults, I don't take insult to insults either. I don't necessarily think that's a depression thing, although I think we have different reasons for this.
(December 10, 2013 - 7:36 pm)
It isn't caused by that, but insults definitely don't make it any better. I have no self esteem because I'm actually not talented and I'm actually not smart and I'm actually not nice.
(December 10, 2013 - 10:07 pm)
(I feel like you guys are getting tired of my whole "depressed" thing. Please don't get mad at me, please don't get mad at me.)
(December 10, 2013 - 10:16 pm)
Maggie, I have been on CB for 14 days and I have read every post you have made on depression. It helps me.
(December 14, 2013 - 9:22 pm)
Why does it help you? With what?
(December 14, 2013 - 11:05 pm)
Life, I guess. Knowing I'm not the only person who has annoying older sisters who do everything first. Like, I always take the blame. But most of the time it isn't me. Most.
(December 15, 2013 - 7:47 am)