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I feel very
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
submitted by Maggie
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
You all know someone who lacks social skills, right? Take their social skills and divide it by about a thousand. That's what my social skills are like. I'm unimaginably awkward, and I'm really irritable around people, and I'm really easily offended. People always think I'm trying to get pity when I say something like "Oh my gosh I'm so fat" but I'm not. I swear. I'm telling the truth about the world as I see it.
(January 1, 2014 - 4:27 pm)
I felt like answering this time, so now I'm answering.
I took Storm and devided him into a thousand (mentally) and then the world had a thousand Storms. It was a scary world. Seriously, Maggie, it's okay to get mad at people. It's okay to get bugged and yell at people and have awkward conversations. I mean, you're human. You're living. This is a part of life. Getting hurt, hurting others- it's a all a part of living and growing up.
If you think about it, life is totally ridiculous. You have a bunch of humans running around and everyone trying to make everyone else like them. I wonder, do we really need all that? If you look at the animals, you can see that they're aren't trying to suck up to the others animals all the time. They just try to live. And that's really, really cool. Animals' lives all have purposes- to live and make more life. It seems like humans have lost that purpose somewhere along the way. We've gone so far and yet now we live all the time in unhappiness. Because life for humans stinks. It really does. It's stupid and purposeless and can really get you down. And that's why I need to laugh at it. Because life sucks, but when I'm laughing I can forget all about the stupid things that try to drag me down and just feel happy for once. So I feel like it's my purpose to make people laugh and make people smile because when they're happy, they feel like they've got a little bit of purpose too. Human beings seem to believe that they've lost their purpose. Why are we here, you guys all ask. Because we're here. That's the answer, and the purpose we have. It's really nice to believe in a world with a purpose. It's nice to know you belong. I think you've found yourself lost. You don't know where you are anymore, why you're here. Other people are going to try to answer that for you. I'm not. Life has a purpose for you, maybe you just have to find it for what it is.
I like it when you tell us stuff the way you see it. I think that's cool! People try to drill into other people just a few ideas you're supposed to believe in and percieve. I don't want to believe in that stuff, that's stupid, let's see it from another angle. I love seeing life as everyone else sees it, because you get all these different people looking at an infinitely large object and seeing so many different things. It's like looking at an enormous Rorschach test, where everyone sees everything different. Maybe it's a bat, maybe a bird, maybe a two-headed dragon. Maybe sometimes it's just an inkblot. That's okay. The world is full of inkblots, but if you let them drag you down, you'll just be thinking like everyone else and life will really be horrible. That's when you have to laugh and imagine it from another way. People say depression is bad. Maybe it's actually really good! Maybe it's a form of enlightenment, when you're not preoccupied with how great yourself is! People associate light with good. Maybe we should let dark and black be good! Darkenss provides rest for us diurnal creatures and allows nocturnal animals to form a whole new world. Some flowers only bloom at night, and they're gorgeous.
Your way of seeing the world is different from the lemming way. I wish you luck. It's going to be a hard journey, but your differences make you who are and really awesome.
(January 2, 2014 - 12:54 am)
Thank you *smiles sadly* This helped somewhat.
(January 2, 2014 - 7:47 am)
You're right. People shouldn't treat the "different" perspectives of people like us as bad. You've been schizophrenic your whole life, right? For you it's normal. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. So when I got to sixth grade and actually made an effort to be social, I learned that my thought process wasn't exactly normal. My way of interacting with people has been strongly affected by the fact that I'm depressed, and if the pills take away the depression, then I'll have to completely rework my way of interacting with people, which might stress me out quite a lot, which might cause me to become depressed again. So I think it's kind of in my best interest to not be on a mood stabilizer (or any other pill that will affect my mood, for that matter).
Admin: Maggie, we’re pleased that you have found friends to listen and offer advice to you on Chatterbox. We are so proud of how Chatterboxers support each other and hope the comments here help you. You and others may benefit by rereading them from time to time. We'd like to give you the opportunity to post one last comment to bring this thread to a close; after that we will no longer post comments on this thread.
We at the Chatterbox want to offer a space for CBers to talk about their lives, but we also aim for a healthy balance of discussions on books, the arts, writing, activities, etc. We care for you very much. We hope you understand and we look forward to hearing from you on other topics.
(January 6, 2014 - 2:00 am)
It's tough to go through these feelings.
Sometimes you might compare yourself too much to others, and, after making comparisons, think that everyone is better than you. Which is NOT TRUE.
Don't consider running away. It will probably make everything worse.
I play cello too, and I'm also in the school orchestra. When you think to yourself that you are good at playing cello, you might have more confidence. Also, orchestra is not at all useless. The skills you learn can be used in your later life.
No one can force you to stop feeling guilty and worthless, but I'd just like to say that everyone here commenting has your back. The best way to deal with this is to talk to someone. If your family doesn't believe you/doesn't listen, find someone else to talk to, such as a counselor or someone you know and trust. Even pouring out your feelings in a journal may help.
Just have confidence, think to yourself that you're not guilty or incredibly worthless, and move on in life. You'll get over it. I know you will.
(January 2, 2014 - 9:09 pm)
But I'm not good at cello. It's just that everyone knows that I'm really easily offended, so they lie and say I'm good at cello.
Counselors always take the side of the adult, because the 12-year old can't be trusted.
I highly doubt it.
Admin: edited: toned down.
(January 3, 2014 - 8:27 am)
The only thing I'm even kind of good at is writing poetry, and I'm not even particularly good at that. I'm not going to be able to make it as an adult. I've told my mom that the IB program is killing me, but she wants me to stay in the IB program through eighth grade.
Spammy says avyd. Avoid? Even Spammy doesn't like me
Admin: Edited slightly.
(January 3, 2014 - 12:30 pm)
Spammy could be avoiding IB. Everybody avoids IB if they can help it. My captcha says "vdfo", which in the ancient language of captchas means "avoid the foe, especially if that foe is large amounts of homework and the Global Contexts". Do you know what the Global Contexts are? Our school just got rid of AOIs but hasn't told us what the new Global Contexts are yet. One teacher has even assigned a project that involves them, but no one knows what they are because no one has explained them yet.
There's not really a good way to tell if poetry is good or bad. I mean, something like this is bad:
I saw a frog
On a log
Doing a jog
While a tap-dancing hog
In a bog
Enjoyed the fog
And ate a clog
Despite the smog
And a dog
In Prague
Wrote a prologue
So don't write poetry like that. Seriously, you are a good poet. And you'll be fine as an adult, when you get there. You don't have to worry about being an adult right now. Just live each day as it comes. Carpe diem! Enjoy the good bits about the life you have, fix the parts you don't like that you can control, and just live with the rest.
(January 3, 2014 - 9:46 pm)
I'll try...
(January 4, 2014 - 8:05 am)
I'm going to try and post less depressing stuff because 1) my parents don't like it, and 2) y'all are getting tired of it.
(January 4, 2014 - 10:05 am)
W'all are not getting tired at all. Oh, that failed. You+all= y'all, so we+all= w'all or wall. The wall is not getting tired. Is there a way to combine we and all into one word? Anyone?
Walls aside, I like listening to what you have to say and we're all around whenever you want to talk to any of us.
Captcha says wyep. W'yep. We+yep= W'yep. W'yep in your general direction.
(January 4, 2014 - 5:22 pm)
Hey Maggie, I can agree with you on eveything you have said.
(January 4, 2014 - 9:57 pm)
Yesterday I saw The Book Thief. It was excellent.
(January 5, 2014 - 9:18 am)
Ruby I really need to talk to you. I really need help. I need to talk to you please.
(January 5, 2014 - 10:04 am)
What's wrong? What do you want to talk to me about?
(January 5, 2014 - 11:16 am)